14 February 1892 — Hosgmeade Hospital

This was not the way Ben had expected to spend his anniversary. After fetching the healer he'd hovered in the corner of the room for their initial barrage of questions and hypotheses about what might have happened to his wife's memory. The healers had eventually stopped talking to Melody and started talking to him, because apparently there was a chance that anything they told her at this point would only be forgotten in a few hours anyway. After the healers left he'd hovered awkwardly in the room for a few more minutes, then excused himself to go to the tea room. He didn't have to leave, because Nora's nurse had her the entire rest of the night, but he didn't know what to say to Melody when she didn't remember anything.

Of course, there were some things he'd probably rather she forget, all things considered. At the moment, though, he was preoccupied with the thought that she couldn't understand why she would have married him — she'd said as much in their first conversation, before he fetched the healers — and that whether she remembered how it played out or not, she was going to regret it now. They might have made the best of things in the past few months, with Nora, but this was a stark reminder that nothing about this marriage really worked. Melody had been asked to give up so much right from the start — her family, her wealth, the life she was used to, many of her friends. Without remembering the party on Valentine's Day — without remembering the potion — how could she not resent him for all of that?

He didn't want to talk to her yet, but there was nothing to be done about it. He was a Gryffindor, and he didn't run from things. He made his way back into her room with a tray of tea things and a few biscuits in hand. "This is probably better than anything they'll deliver," he said with a flimsy smile as he set it down beside her bed. He sank into the same chair he'd been in before and bit his lower lip. "Did you, ah, want to talk about anything?"

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Melody Crouch

  

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The headache had eased enough with the additional pain potions that Melody no longer felt as foggy brained as she had when she first woke. She still couldn't comprehend how two years of her life were just gone and she definitely didn't understand what would've possessed Ben to abruptly decide to marry her. But, at least she could form two coherent thoughts without the reminder of pain now.

She listened to the nurses with rapt attention even after they finished with her and began speaking to Ben. The extent of her injuries weren't quite understood yet, however when they mentioned the possibility of her not remembering today too fear crept back up her neck. Two years was more than enough to be forgotten, any additional time would be an absolute tragedy.

It wasn't until her hospital gown was suddenly wet at the front that Melody was informed of the extent of her tragedy. She had a child — a young one too for them to still be attached to her like this. A child that she knew nothing of, that she couldn't even conjure an image of. Melody had sobbed alone in her hospital room then. To have lost both her mother and child in a singular day was almost too much to bear.

Her eyes were clear but her face was flushed when Ben finally returned. Did they have multiple children then? Is that why they had changed course and married? It was the only rationale that made sense, but why had they fallen into bed together at all? And when?

"I'm so confused, Ben," she quietly confessed. "We're married with children and I don't understand how. Is our baby alright? Was he? She? There with me? The healers didn't have any information about the baby except that it had to be young for me to still — well, to still be so attached. Why didn't you say anything about them?" Her questions poured out as if the dam had cracked and her voice cracked on the last one. Merlin, what if she had caused the death of their babies?

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Ben tensed at the mention of their child. He'd purposefully not mentioned Nora, because if Melody didn't remember the last two years there was no way she remembered anything about their daughter. After accidentally dumping the news of their elopement and her subsequent estrangement from her family all at once, he'd been cautious about telling her anything else that would alarm her, and he'd decided you have a baby at home definitely fell into that category. He hadn't realized that the healers would tell her, or that they would even have any way of knowing.

"I — you already seemed pretty upset," he started haltingly. "I didn't want to — I guess I wanted to give you some time to adjust first?" What he didn't say was that he hadn't exactly been ready to spearhead the conversation on that one before he'd left for the tea room. This was a massive adjustment for him, too, and he was still struggling to grasp what it would mean for the two of them. It wasn't a clean start, because they still had to interact with all the same people who'd observed the roller coaster of their marriage the last two years. She'd hear sooner or later that things had been rough. Even if he could somehow isolate her from that, he still knew. The idea of being the only person who knew about something like the potion, or what they'd done in Paris, or the conversation after the duel, was enough to make his stomach sick. He'd needed some time to process.

"I mean, it's a lot to handle, right? Learning about two whole years all at once. I didn't know if... but she's fine. Nora. Eleanora Hazel Crouch. She's at home with the nurse. She's, ah — I guess she's five months old today, actually," he said, counting the months out on his fingers quickly to ensure he'd done the math right. "Yeah, five months old today."

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"Eleanora," she repeated in a desperate attempt to revive some memory of the infant. Only, the more she tried to force the image of their daughter the more the baby looked like some childlike drawing. There was nothing, not even a vague idea of what color hair the baby had. Melody would have begun sobbing again were it not for Ben's presence. She had this life that she dreamt of, and no memory of it. "Is she a healthy baby?" Melody asked instead. Details felt more important now than anything else, she could cry later when he left.

Reaching for the teacup with a shaking hand, Melody continued on to try and explain how she'd come to learn about Eleanora. "The healer said we must not have a full time nurse for her because of what happened. Is that ... is that true? None of this feels real." She hoped he would understand her implications without her having to be explicit about her meaning. It was mortifying to think they weren't well enough off to afford a full staff, but he had promised as much when he refused to marry her, hadn't he? He knew he couldn't provide the same life for her that she was accustomed to ... did that then mean she had accepted it?

Did she enjoy it as she thought she might?

"It's overwhelming, not just a lot. I ... I'm having a difficult time understanding ... everything." She added whilst looking into her teacup. He'd been so adamant, so persistent, in his refusal to marry her, and yet here they were. "Nothing is making sense."

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Ben knew exactly what she meant with her question about the nurse, because it had been something he'd considered at several points as well. Even if Melody knew that having a nurse only for the night was her choice, anyone else who heard about it would certainly think it was because they couldn't afford better. Now Melody thought that, too, because she couldn't remember making the choice. His cheeks colored slightly as he tried to think how to answer. "Uhm, yeah, but not — So we were just planning to have a night nurse for the first few weeks and then have one full time once you'd recovered but, uhm. You didn't want one, so... but if you want one now we can get one," he quickly assured her. "It's not a matter of, like, we can't. And she's very healthy. Nora's — she's perfect, actually, you're going to love her."

He'd let the last slip before thinking through the implications of the statement. It was easy to fall into the conversation pattern of talking to someone about Nora who had never met her, and he'd done that here. That essentially erased any previous relationship Melody had with Nora, though, and — well, he didn't know if she was ever going to get those memories back or not, but he didn't want to close that door off yet. "I mean — you do love her," he amended, cheeks flushing.

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It was so strange to think she had changed her opinions on motherhood so drastically to want to be a full time mother to her child. Melody had been raised in an environment of nannies and nurses and the occasional five minutes with her parents. Never once had her mother considered doing away with a nurse to raise her children directly, it simply wasn't done. "Oh," Melody eventually said.

She had another important question to ask but froze when he continued on. She had, presumably, birthed this baby and he spoke as if she hadn't ever met Eleanora. His blunder was addressed within seconds, his expression making it obvious that he hadn't meant to imply she was a stranger to their daughter. However, that was the case now wasn't it? She didn't know the little girl he spoke of, she didn't know her birthday or favorite book or any of it. They were strangers, even if her body didn't yet understand that.

"Was I a decent mother?" She hesitantly asked. A decent mother would know her own child from the neighborhood bastard. A decent mother would remember the circumstances of her child's conception and birth. A decent mother was a great many things that she presently wasn't.

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The hesitation in her voice hurt. He tried, for one moment, to put himself in her shoes. How would it feel suddenly learning about a child for the first time and not having any memories of your time together? He'd been through something vaguely similar when he learned about Elliott, but that was different — Elliott had no memories of him, either, and had a father he'd been living with his entire life. There wasn't a gaping hole in Elliott's life where Ben could have been, and there wasn't a pool of shared memories he was suddenly cut off from. A relationship he'd actually lost, instead of only the potential for one that had been removed. One of Ben's biggest ongoing insecurities was whether or not he would be a good father to his child; if he suddenly had no evidence one way or another...

"Yeah," he said very quietly. "Of course you were."

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"I ... I wish I knew her." Melody admitted in a near whisper. Of everything she lost today — and the list was endless — the memories of her daughter ached the most. Her child was this whole person already and she knew nothing of it. Melody brushed the hair from her face and focused on her untouched teacup. "I can't even imagine what she looks like."

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Ben's throat tightened. He could have described Nora, or offered to bring in a picture later that evening, but would that have helped? What she wanted was the experience of knowing, and he couldn't give her that. It was like when he'd first learned about Elliott; there was no way to recapture lost time. Only a chance to make new memories moving forward, and hope that was enough.

"You'll see her soon enough," he said softly. "I'm sure she's missing you already."

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She nodded, her throat thick with a sudden swell of emotion. Melody had such little practical experience with infants that she now feared Eleanora would pick up on her hesitance. What if their entire relationship was to now change because she couldn't remember how the baby most liked to be held? This was all too much.

"Should you be heading back to her then?" She asked quietly. Fathers weren't usually overly involved with their children, she didn't think. But perhaps fathers of a lesser social class had to be more involved? She didn't know and was too embarrassed by the thought to ask.

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Ben swallowed. After the past few hours, there was nothing he would have rather done than gone home to Nora and held her as tightly as he could without hurting the poor girl, but that also felt like the easier option by far. He was a Gryffindor; he didn't run away from things. Even if he had no idea what to say or do, and even if sitting here with Melody was growing more uncomfortable with every question she asked.

"I probably should soon," he allowed. "But — are you going to be alright? If you need someone to stay..."

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A few weeks ago (at least for her — for Ben it would've been years) him staying with her was all she could have hoped for. Him choosing to remain by her side was something out of a dream. And yet, now that she had her exact wish Melody couldn't help but feel strange about it. Ben wouldn't have swayed from his position of not being a suitable husband for her — Melody had tried countless times — so how had they ended here? What changed his mind?

"I should probably rest," she replied. Perhaps the healer could provide her with a potion to do just that, and maybe when she awoke her memories would be restored. "Will you be back tomorrow?"

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"Of course," Ben replied, with a tight smile. He'd have to figure out what to do with Nora, since the nurse was normally off during the day and bringing her to the hospital didn't feel like the best idea. Who knew how Melody would react to actually seeing her? Still; he'd figure it out and be back, because leaving her for any length of time in this condition didn't feel like an option. "First thing. I'll bring some good breakfast, too. You can hold out for it if the hospital food is trash."

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