July 15th, 1887 — Wellingtonshire, Hogsmeade

“I, Adelia Willow Lovegood, take thee, Balthazar Braxton Urquart, to my wedded husband...”

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Earlier
Ada had slept anything but fitfully the night before. It had finally sunk in as she had pulled the sheets over her, that in twenty four hours she would be in a completely different bed and married. Who was Adelia Urquart? Was she happy? Had she earned the affections of all of her step-children? Did she have children of her own? She thought back to the rhyme she had recalled earlier:

Marry on Monday for health,
Tuesday for wealth,
Wednesday the best day of all,
Thursday for crosses,
Friday for losses, and
Saturday for no luck at all.
Being superstitious as she was, this had done a great deal to unsettle her mind. There had been doubts and concerns flitting about since before Mr. Urquart had even suggested courtship to her in person, now that she was so close to the eternal commitment, they were louder than ever. What if she never grew to love him? What if Ruby and Topaz never overcame their dislike of her? What if Mr. Urquart didn't want more children? What if she was simply a poor wife for a Minister of Magic? These things troubled her until the small hours of the morning when she finally fell into an exhausted slumber, only to be awoken a handful of hours later.

Staring back at her was a peaky looking bride, not that one could tell once the veil had been lowered.

She couldn't do this.

How could she willingly enter marriage with a man she was absolutely certain she didn't love and whom she had no doubts shared her lack of romantic feeling. It wasn't that she didn't like Balthazar Urquart, on the contrary she thought him a very fine and decent man, she admired him even, he was handsome, but she simply didn't love him. She was sure she could come to love him as one did a sibling or dear friend unless he became an entirely different man once married to him which she thoroughly doubted, but could she really be happy with that? Her unchanged feelings for Mr. Herondale were doing a fine job of reminding her of what she could have had. Was she so desperate for marriage that she felt she had to tether herself to any man that asked? Not that Balthazar Urquart was just anyone.

Now it was too late to do anything, her fate was sealed. She had made her bed and now she had to lie in it. The other option would be to change her mind but how could she possibly live with herself if she did so at this stage? The humiliation she was likely to bring upon the poor gentleman, upon her own family, the turmoil she had already caused amongst his children only to call it quits now? She couldn't, she'd be eaten alive by the guilt. Being consumed by guilt and dying alone was a far colder fate than the likely amicable if not passionate marriage that lay ahead of her.

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Present
Beneath that veil, in the presence of her nearest and dearest (or soon to be), Ada was quaking with fear as those words lay heavy, trapped there on the tip of her tongue. Her mouth had gone dry and she was sure her hand trembled with every beat of her heart. Her whole future hinged on this one moment. The silence of her hesitation felt as though it was closing in upon her, making it harder still to try and utter the all too important words.

Silence.

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I do.

The words left his tongue without hesitation, though lacked the weight of the first time he had uttered them. Then, in the presence of but one or two witnesses, he and Mary had hastily made their own vows to one another under a willow tree, passion in their eyes, love in their hearts, and fear that their illegal union would be stopped lurking in the back of their minds.

The second time, they had been full of relief and hope as their marriage was finally made legal by a more tolerant government. But today, with Miss Lovegood, they were full of something else—completion, confidence. For while he did not love here, there was no doubt in his mind that Miss Lovegood would be a suitable addition to the family. It was hardly the stuff dreams were made of, but it would do.

But would she?

The words lingered unspoken beneath her sheer veil, and Balthazar gave his bride a smile and nod of encouragement.

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— mj makes pretty things! —

Anxious eyes caught the encouraging gesture from her husband-to-be and it was enough to provoke the familiar hot warmth in her eyes that warned of tears to come. "I-" she eked out, faltering abruptly at the end of the syllable. She made the fatal mistake of letting her eyes wander.

"I-" I have to do this. The blood was rushing in her ears.

"I-" it was barely a whisper. I will love him in time, in one way or another.

Ada was poised for another attempt, lips parted, eyes fixed now on the man she was supposed to be promising herself to.

Without thinking about it, her hand tightened around his. I will be happy as Mrs. Urquart. Saturday for no luck at all. Here is a kind, generous man who may love me one day and who I'm sure will do all he can to make me happy even if he doesn't. Saturday for no luck at all. This could be my last chance for happiness...

"I-" I can't. I can't let him down, I can't let everyone else down. What if they think I've been leading him astray? What if he thinks that? Just say the words now, do it.

"I can't-" a small voice blurted out. A look of horror descended upon her as she realized she'd spoken the wrong words. Ada opened her mouth to utter a retraction but found herself once again speechless. She hadn't spoken very loud but in the silence and horror at what she had said, it had felt like a shout.

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His face fell and his heart stopped.

Adelia Lovegood had never been particularly ardent in her affections, but Balthazar Urqaurt had never suspected that, when it came to it, his intended would have misgivings—let alone act upon them! It had not been a confident I do that she uttered by a soft I can’t, and Balt knew all too well by the look on his face that the officiant had heard her—but had everyone else?

The frown on his face was pronounced and his brows furrowed in a what are you doing stop this sort of expression. He had chosen her, had warmed up to her, had torn his family asunder to give them—and her—the stability of another marriage. Didn’t she realize how badly they all needed this?

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— mj makes pretty things! —

Her concern about what the onlookers were able to hear and what they might be thinking was lost as she saw the effect of the wrong two words on his face. There was a sudden great pang of regret and sorrow.

She needed to say something but all she could do was leave her mouth slightly agape in her turmoil and, it seemed, start to silently spill tears. Was it shock and humiliation? Shock and anger? Shock and hurt? Oh she hoped to Merlin it wasn't the latter, she didn't think he bore her enough affection to feel that way. Had she misjudged him? Did the regret she felt mean that her slip up hadn't been her true feelings escaping despite herself or was the regret for the hurt she feared she was causing him?

"I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't-" Didn't what? Didn't mean it? Didn't tell him sooner? Didn't mean what she had said? Ada wasn't entirely sure herself. Tears were trickling down her cheeks though the veil surely helped in making them less obvious. A sentence to try and assure him that she still wished to marry him had formed in her mind but again she hesitated.

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Didn’t what? Silently, he cursed her inability to finish the sentence, her inability to know her own mind before they had reached this point. Externally, though, his tone was calm and his face…he didn’t know what mess the whirlwhind of feelings inside of him was making of his face, but he could imagine that it was not a particularly thrilled expression that occupied it.

“Didn’t what, Adelia,?” he asked softly, voice slightly pleading, hoping the use of her first name—and for the first time—would be enough to remind her of the future that could lay ahead of them if she let it.

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— mj makes pretty things! —

For a man she thought she didn't know well enough to have developed deep feelings for, he certainly was pulling on her heartstrings, although it was less of a pull and more of a sharp twisting sensation. Ironically, it was the first time she had truly believed herself when she thought that she could love him with time. It wasn't too late though, she could still salvage things and in a few hours the little hiccup would be forgotten. More or less, anyway.

Ada had succeeded so far in banishing James Herondale from her mind - it had seemed wrong to her to think of him on the day she was marrying someone else - but her mind decided now was the time to allow her. It was shameful, stupid even to toss aside her future and hurt others because of her stubborn, futile feelings for another man. Was that the real reason for her hesitation or would she be happily speaking her vows now if she thought she loved the man she was gazing mournfully at?

She didn't dare think of the Urquart children, particularly the two who had given her the benefit of the doubt where the twins hadn't. Except she did dare. Maybe they had been right to hate and distrust her, maybe they had known something she hadn't. That was when the first quiet little sob burst forth. "I'm so sorry," she slammed her eyes shut and bowed her head as guilt and shame threatened to overcome her. "I-" She thought of that potential for a happy future that she was mere breaths away from throwing away forever, in favor of what? "I can't... I can't marry you. I thought I could, but I- I can't. I-" she paused for a moment and slowly looked up again, hoping he could see how genuinely sorry she was that it had taken her until now to reach the conclusion. "I don't love you." How ashamed she was for letting an unobtainable idealistic notion ruin the happiness they might have had.

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She didn’t love him, and so could not marry him.

He did not love her, but was ready and eager to marry her.

The practical and the romantic stood across from one another, their officient to one side and their family and closest friends to the other. Balthazar’s face was an unreadable mask, but inside he was angry and ashamed; angry that she was doing this to him here, now, and ashamed that he felt that way, for while he had given her an out, he had all but steamrolled any misgivings she had expressed as the date loomed nearer and nearer. He had thought of her physical wellbeing, her financial wellbeing, and the wellbeing of his children, but had spared no concern for the wellbeing of her heart. He could see now that this was a grievous error.

He took a step back from his would-be bride, hand outstretched towards the door.

“Then let us not linger any longer.”

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— mj makes pretty things! —

The reality of what was happening, the implication of her choice, suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks as he gestured her towards the door. Was it regret or shame that gripped at her heart? She slowly turned towards the door and visibly flinched as she faced the congregation, their eyes seemed to be boring into her and she had to stop herself from picking out certain people, knowing it would only make it all worse.

With a tentative step, she began her walk of shame, tears rolling down her cheeks and eyes staring fixedly at the floor in front of her. Her pace hastened as her embarrassment grew and the door approached. By the time she was a few feet away from the threshold she had almost broken into a run.

It was a small blessing that the wedding had been held at the Lovegood home for it meant she could escape directly to her bedroom. As soon as she reached the staircase she could hold in her sobs no longer and bolted for safety. What had she done?

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