They were both better than this, Tycho knew. That was why they had both agreed that with Ford's marriage came parting in the first place. But oh the reality of it all had been torture. He didn't know how Ford had fared, of course but Tycho had been a wreck this whole time despite putting on a semblance of normalcy out among the public. His homes exterior being the only clue to the outside world that not all was as well as he displayed.

It seemed love, desire and morals did not always make good bedfellows. He wished he was a lot more... physical than this. But even this was intense. Tycho understood the sentiment. "I'm sorry," he said though he didn't know how much he actually meant it. He had been trying so hard to follow Fords wishes despite his growing personal resentment and suspicion over the entire thing.

He groaned softly as Fords hand pressed against his chest. He returned Fords kiss before parting just enough to whisper into the others ear. "Just pretend that this is all a dream," he suggested before trailing kisses down Fords throat. Kissing on Spiritus Sancti was always an odd but intense thing, as was touching in general.

  

---

But it wasn't a dream, because if he could dream up something this intense he wouldn't have spent so much of his waking time longing for Tycho. Ford gasped as Ty bent towards his neck, and then his breathing never recovered. His heart was racing; his skin was hot. He leaned in towards Tycho without a second thought, expanding the surface area for contact between them. His throat was dry. His chest felt artificially constrained. When Ty had first moved into his path Ford had been aware of both his anger and arousal vying for dominance, but he gradually realized there was a third feeling lurking in his chest, hidden beneath them both until it had swelled to the point where it could no longer be ignored:  anxiety. His breathing wasn't irregular because he was turned on (though he unarguably was); his breathing was irregular because he couldn't breathe.

"I — st — stop," Ford stammered. On instinct he had tried to push Tycho away, but the surge of heat that had swept through him when he laid both his hands on Tycho's chest hadn't helped matters at all. He took an unsteady step backwards. His head was swimming. He felt as if he might fall over. He took a long, shuddering breath in but felt as though none of the air actually reached him. Some of it must have, though, because he was capable of speaking again — as the words spilled out he felt less capable of stopping. "That's — that's enough, you've — whatever point you were trying to prove, you've proved it, yeah? That I'm — still in love with you, and — that I'm not a good husband — not a good person — and you could probably show up like this five years from now and spin me up just as quickly, right, so — if that's what you were looking for, you've got it," he said helplessly. "And I'm going to be just as miserable when you go regardless of what happens now, so — if you were looking to send me spiraling, you've got that, too. So that's enough, it's enough."

---

The following 1 user Likes Fortitude Greengrass's post:1 user Likes Fortitude Greengrass's post
   Tycho Dodonus

---

Set by Lady!

Oh, that gasp. Tycho had missed the sound of it. He wished he was truly feeling flesh in his own body but this was going to have to do. But something was off about the way the other was breathing so when Ford demanded he stop, Tycho did so.

He watched, eyes full of yearning, as Ford took steps back. His heart broke again at the others words. That had not been his intention, not at all. He had been doing his best. He had failed them both. He was the weak one, the one who was not a good person. Suffice to say, he was quite sobered up.

"I wasn't trying to make a point, I didn't even intend to come here," he declared. "It's just... I miss you when I wake, I miss you with every breath I take, my dreams are full of you. You are a good person. It's me, I'm the bad one - I was too weak, I tried so hard to keep away but I began to doubt you... I thought trying some Spiritus would make me feel something but instead I thought of you and it brought me here and I broke." It had not helped that there were still so many unanswered questions but the state of Ford now at least told him that the budding thoughts that Ford had actually never loved him were quite untrue.

  

---

Ford nodded as Tycho described how he'd been feeling — I know, me too — up until the word doubt. Doubt? The word might as well have been spoken in Hindi; Ford couldn't make sense of it. Doubt what? Could Tycho have really, actually thought it was possible that Ford was no longer in love with him? Preposterous. Ford may have mentioned it a second ago in his list of points Ty might have been trying to prove, but only because he was spiraling and had to say something. Tycho should have already known — but then, from Ford's perspective, Tycho should have already known everything that would have merited showing up here unannounced to investigate, which was part of the reason he'd been angry with his sudden appearance.

"Losing you changed everything," he said, tone heavy with disbelief — not over the words, but over feeling he had to say them at all. Doubt! He hadn't been married that long; how could Tycho have grown so unfamiliar with him? "Like my life used to be made with gold, and even the tarnished bits were still good deep down. But now even the brightest moments are only gilded. Do you know — did you know I had to stop reading poetry?" he pressed. "Most of it leaves me miserable because it makes me think of you, and the ones that don't just read flat and lifeless. There used to be poems that talked about beauty, or hope, or joy, and now there aren't — there are poems that articulate the absence of you, and there's noise, and there's nothing else. And I —" His breath hitched and he paused to inhale before continuing. "I can't even bring myself to regret it, all the hurt, because it still seems worth it. I wouldn't have traded an hour with you to feel better now. And every notion I've ever had about what sort of husband I'd want to be is nothing compared to how much I miss you — which is why you can't be here," he concluded. He was still hot all over but had crossed his arms over his chest now as though he were cold. "Why you have to go home. If you stay I'm going to kiss you, and it'll make everything worse, but I'd do it anyway because even if it killed me it would still feel worth it. Do you understand?"

---

The following 1 user Likes Fortitude Greengrass's post:1 user Likes Fortitude Greengrass's post
   Tycho Dodonus

---

Set by Lady!

Tycho knew what the other meant. How could he not when he felt the same? "Losing you drained the world of colour," Tycho murmured in return. Quite literally it seemed like if one took note of the state of his homes exterior.

It pained him that the other had to stop reading poetry but he could not help also being glad for it. After all, he was a poet and had written many a poem for the other and still did so. After all, it was how he expressed himself.

His face brightened - if such an expression could even be noticed when he was currently spectral - at the mention of the other not regretting. "I did wonder if you did," he murmured. He felt guilty now for that momentary moment he'd had of wishing he had never met the other. He had to go soon anyway lest he stay stuck like this forever.

Even so, he couldn't quite tear himself away. "I don't know if I am strong enough to stay away like you have been ... perhaps I should leave Hogsmeade entirely," he suggested, reaching out to place his hand close to the others cheek but not actually touching Ford this time.

  

---

Ty's comment about moving away from Hogsmeade made Ford's stomach lurch, though it was illogical. It didn't ultimately matter much where Tycho was if Ford continued on trying to avoid him wherever possible — still, his first instinctive but entirely irrational thought was don't leave me. If they weren't visiting each other anyway then the distance shouldn't have mattered; Tycho could be across the street or in Italy or on another planet... yet Ford had the sense that somehow he would feel the distance, even if they weren't in contact. But Tycho leaving would mean they were less likely to stumble upon each other accidentally, which was something Ford had been thinking about a lot since his wedding — thinking about and diligently trying to avoid, probably taking twice as many precautions as were reasonable, because he knew that seeing Tycho would leave him hurting. Maybe it would be worth the dull ache of added distance to have a significantly lower risk of sudden, acute pain?

There were no good outcomes either way, and it was difficult to evaluate the lesser of two evils based only on hypotheticals. So he had no response to Tycho — at least, not to his words. Ty had reached out to let his hand hover just off Ford's cheek, and although Ford knew Ty wasn't touching him he felt as though there was an electrical charge between them that he could feel, a crackling magnetism. Without giving himself time to second-guess the action Ford leaned into Tycho's hand, bringing his own up to rest against the back of Ty's knuckles. He inhaled and took half a second to let the intensity of it sweep through him. On the exhale he met Tycho's eyes, with all the things he wanted to do and say heavy in his gaze.

---

  

---

Set by Lady!

Ford did not provide an answer but perhaps there wasn't really a good one. Not when he felt like he might die at the very thought of actually never seeing Ford again and taking measures to do so. It was a conundrum.

And that wasn't fair. How was he supposed to just go on home when Ford was looking at him like that?

He kissed Ford again, his hand reaching for the others waist and resting there. He didn't know if it was just the Spiritus, the fact they had stayed apart whilst yearning for each other or a combination but every touch felt electric.

  

---

Ford made a noise halfway between a gasp and a moan and hitched his hip forward, leaning into Ty's hand on his waist. He had wanted to be better than this — his wife was only a hallway away. But it wasn't as though he was taking time away from her, really; he'd been alone in his room before Tycho showed up, with no plans to broach the hallway. It wasn't as though he were sneaking out to spend the night somewhere else when he could have been with her — not as though he were planning holidays in Paris without her, like Macnair had. And it was — she wasn't in love with him, and she didn't expect him to be in love with her, so maybe it was —

"Ty," he interjected. While returning Ty's kiss his free hand had moved to Tycho's chest, then his stomach, and finally to the front of Tycho's pants, and that had driven all other thoughts from his mind immediately. He was breathing heavy and he didn't know how he was going to manage words, but he also knew that if he didn't at least try to say something now he was going to explode. "I want —"

(He didn't know if he could actually bring himself to say it. It was obvious what he wanted).

---

  

---

Set by Lady!

Fords hitched hip sent electricity down his spine. He was so very needy and aroused. He wanted to feel Fords skin under his actual fingers and for Ford to feel his warmth.

Fords hand kept moving over him and he groaned in aroused frustration when the others hand reached the front of his pants. He couldn't get them off in this state and he so very much wanted them off. "Tell me. Say the word and I'll apparate right here," Tycho whispered seductively into the others ear as he pressed more into Fords hand. Probably dangerous to do when drunk but the spiritus sancti and Fords presence had him feeling invicible.

  

---

Ford sighed and pressed his hip in further towards Tycho's. "We have apparition wards up," he said under his breath. No big surprise there; every household with unmarried girls had anti-apparition charms of some variety. "I'd have to floo... or walk." He shivered, and not from the idea of walking in the cold. He was almost tempted to tell Tycho to meet him in the garden instead, but then they'd still have to go elsewhere — they couldn't do the things Ford wanted badly to do unless Tycho had a body.

But going out to commit adultery felt... more serious, somehow, than allowing himself to kiss Ty when he had just floated into his room. Premeditated. He ached with need, but he didn't know if it was enough to buoy him through getting dressed and unlocking the floo and saying the address.

"Would you really leave?" he asked, tone wavering.

---

  

---

Set by Lady!

"Then I'll fly here," Tycho murmured when Ford reminded him about the houses apparition wards. He didn't know if Ford would snap out of it by then. With his luck, it felt likely.

"I would leave if you felt you needed me to... but like I said. I don't know how much I would be able to actually fully stay away." Besides most of the Seasons events happened within Hogsmeade and Tycho enjoyed rocking up to random events. So he would likely sometimes be in the area.

  

---

"No, don't," Ford said immediately. "Don't leave." It made more sense for Tycho to leave, since he could; it would probably be easier on both of them in the long term. But how would Ford survive this if he couldn't imagine what Tycho might be doing at any given moment, every time Ford's thoughts turned that way? What would he do if he couldn't place Ty precisely in the context of places he already knew well, places that were theirs?

"I'll come," he said, running a hand along the curve of what would have been Ty's neck. He'd apparate from the garden. That was fastest; he wouldn't need to change first to make a passable cover story if he was caught. "I'll meet you there."

---

  

---

Set by Lady!

Tycho felt sharp relief when Ford said for him to not leave. He had not wanted to, not really. His heart soared in his chest as Ford said he would come, the feel of his hand running along the curve of his neck doing intense things to his insides. "I'll be waiting," he murmured, stealing one last kiss before disappearing from the room as he focused his mind on his own bedroom where his body currently lay.

  

---

Even after Tycho disappeared the echoes of him lingered in the room; the air didn't lose the tingling feeling of anticipation, or the tension. Left alone in the middle of it Ford was overcome by the feeling that he was out of place — like this was not his room at all, but some foreign fantasy that he had been transported into and now could not return from without help. As he retrieved his wand he asked himself am I really going to do this? and hesitated — but the decision had already been made. He'd told Tycho he would come; Ty said he would be waiting. Even if Ford came to his senses now he would have to at least go and communicate that to Tycho, to tell him that this was a bad idea and they couldn't go through with it — he owed him that. And he could pretend while he crept down the stairs, checking the corners for any signs of family members, that this was what he was going to do — to go to Tycho's house and tell him this had all been a terrible mistake. He could tell himself that all the way up to the moment he apparated over.

That wasn't what happened, obviously.

When he returned to the garden forty minutes later he was changed only in subtle ways. He had taken the time to push his hair back into its normal shape in Tycho's mirror; turned the collar of his pajamas up on one side to cover the bruise Ty's mouth had left on his neck. He'd wiped the sweat off before he dressed again, but he couldn't wipe the guilt away. We can't do this again, he'd told Tycho, some new variation of the same sentiment every four minutes or so, but that hadn't prevented either of them from going through with it.

In his room on the third floor he pulled the comforter back on his bed and collapsed on the bare sheet. He took the amulet Ty had given him in one hand and used his other arm to pull the spare pillow close against his chest. It was a poor substitute for holding Ty, but obviously he couldn't have stayed. He shouldn't have gone in the first place. Jemima's light had been off when he came home. He hadn't even checked it before he left. God, what a mess his life was. He had to hope Tycho had more self-control than he did and would stay away from him from now on, but that seemed like a rather vain hope given the events of tonight. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this, he thought, but it was a useless observation; he'd never been cut out for any of the situations he'd been forced into, and that didn't change anything in the end.

He fell asleep still holding Ty's amulet and thinking I'm sorry, I'm sorry, on a loop — sorry for Jemima's sake, for Tycho's, for his own, for everything and everyone.

---

The following 1 user Likes Fortitude Greengrass's post:1 user Likes Fortitude Greengrass's post
   Tycho Dodonus

---

Set by Lady!