February 2nd, 1893 - Kirke Home
Caroline Darrow

This second pregnancy had been a little bit easier than the first. The morning sickness had abated much earlier than it had with Bentley, but she already felt like she was the size of an erumpet at halfway through. Still, she was enjoying a burst of energy and thought it would be nice to see people other than her husband or family for once. She loved them all dearly of course, but even Elsie was going a little stir crazy being stuck in the house all of the time. Getting to spend the extra time with Bentley was nice though. He was taking after his father in every aspect, full of energy and getting into trouble, but it wasn't anything Elsie (and the nanny!) couldn't handle.

Having Caroline over was something to look forward to. It felt like a lifetime since they'd seen one another last. Els knew how the first six months of a new baby went though and had wanted to give Caro time to adjust before asking her to visit. With Bentley securely occupied for the moment with Miss Halliwell while Mrs. Robinson prepared tea, Elsie felt a little useless, but it did give her time to catch up on some reading.

She was very well close to drifting off into an impromptu nap when the knock at the door sounded Caroline's arrival. Mrs. Robinson had gotten there first obviously, as it took Elsie a moment to even sit up properly, but she was upright by the time Caroline was shown in. Unfortunately she didn't have the coordination to stand to greet her friend, but she didn't think Caro would hold it against her. "I'm so glad you could make it." She smiled as her friend joined her. "I feel like it's been so long since I've seen you. How's Lillian?" It was wild to think that in eleven years time their babies would be off to Hogwarts together!

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babystamp ~22 weeks

  

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MJ always makes her so pretty

It was a delight to find something to do with her time. Despite the joy Lillian had brought to her life Caroline had found something mundane in how settled down she had become. She knew what it was from. The memory of what could have been, sitting across from her for tea in Irvingly, thoughts of days of stolen kisses and wild adventures to be planned. Yet she had become the very thing she had dreaded becoming, shaping herself into the perfect wife for a husband who had yet to utter his affections to her. She knew Evander loved her, but she was finding the words dearly wished for. It was, therefore, a welcome relief to have something altogether different to distract herself with.

"Elsie!" Caroline greeted breezing in to the room and leaning forward to give her friend a hug. "Much too long." She agreed as she stepped back and took in Elsie's state. It had been so delightful to get Elsie's news when the letter had arrived.

Feeling enough at ease around Elsie Caroline took a seat across from her friend. "She's wonderful." And truly her darling baby was. She ate well, she slept well, she smiled and cooed. Truly she was a delight. "She rolled herself over for the first time just yesterday." Caroline found herself reporting with the sincere pride of a young mother, happy to report such findings to someone who might fully appreciate the momentous occasion. "And Bently? How is he? And yourself? Oh! You must tell me everything." Caroline pressed eagerly. "Letters only do so much before the ears long to hear the words from one's own mouth."

  

Like a ray of sunshine, Caroline swept in with a hug and Elsie gave her friend a little squeeze in return, settling back down as Caro took a seat across from her. "Tea will be ready in a few moments," Precisely when Mrs. Robinson thought it should be served, along with the delicious treats she prepared. It was no wonder Elsie felt a little bit like an erumpet these days, there always seemed to be sweets around...

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear it." Lillian was near a full year younger than Ben, but because of his late birthday they would go to Hogwarts the same year. It was such a wild concept to try and wrap her head around. "He's off and running, I mean that quite literally. He takes after Tyb in more than just appearance." Though his eyes were still blue, that didn't seem to be changing. It was nice, after growing him for nine months, that he had even the tiniest evidence of Elsie in him. She loved his wild mess of curls though. "I am well, it's harder this time around, chasing after a toddler, thank goodness for good help." Elsie would have managed certainly, but the help of Miss Halliwell and Mrs. Robinson made everything manageable. "I feel much bigger than last time, too." Despite Tyb's vehement disagreement.

"And you, and Mr. Darrow?" Els could not pretend to know Caroline's husband well at all, not like Caro knew Tyb, but she hoped her friend was happy in her first years of marriage. But marriage was hard, it had ups and downs and while Elsie knew she was beyond fortunate to marry her best friend, she knew that was not always how it went.

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MJ always makes her so pretty

Caroline could not imagine what life would be like when Lillian began to crawl let alone run. But it did sound so much like Tybalt that Caroline couldn't help but laugh at Elsie's comment. "Best keep him away for brooms for a bit longer than." She teased.

Making a sympathetic face at Elsie's comments she folded her hands in her lap. "I'm glad you have help." Caroline would be lost without a houseful of servants.

"We're well." The rote words were out of Caroline's mouth before she could think them, but they weren't the truth. Well they were. In a way. She sighed. "Do you ever regret your choices?"

  

Elsie was afraid Tyb would come home with a tiny broom any day now, but she hoped he would wait at least until Ben's second birthday. By then it would be too cold and hopefully they could wait until the following summer and he would be in a better place. She would of course, never tell Tyb how much it worried her, because she knew he was looking forward to having that connection to their son. So hopefully she could worry in silence and her husband would be some sort of reasonable with it.

Caroline didn't elaborate much on her answer, but as she came out with her question, Elsie realized her friend had far more on her mind than tea and small talk. It was a heavy question, with no right or wrong answer she supposed, but Els knew she had to take great care in how she answered. Mrs. Robinson entered at that very moment and it gave Elsie a moment to think while her housekeeper set the tea tray and sweets down for them to enjoy. Once Mrs. Robinson had retired from the room, Elsie sighed softly.

"Do I regret my choices," she began as she leaned forward to fix her tea. She had thought of this, many times of course, over her short marriage, and as much upheaval and change it caused, the damage to her reputation and the scrutiny it placed upon her family, Elsie would not change where she had ended up for the life of her. "I regret the timeline," That was the crutch of it, really. "I wish I had found the courage before I did, to take the initiative to make our relationship more official earlier." Had she and Tyb gotten themselves together sooner, perhaps they could have avoided the scandal, but there was no way to know. "I would have liked to enjoy marriage a little bit before becoming a mother, but when it is all said and done, I do not regret the life that I live and the love that I have in this little house." It was little, but it was full to the brim with love.

"Do you have regrets?" Elsie assumed Caroline wouldn't have asked if she wasn't questioning something in her life, but Els had long ago learned to be plain and direct in conversations; life was too short to beat around the bush.

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   Tybalt Kirke

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MJ always makes her so pretty

Given how Elsie and Tybalt had married Caroline had expected such an answer, but there was that phrase that Caroline could not so easily ignore: the love I have in this little house. Caroline knew she loved Evander, loved Lillian, loved her position in life. But there was more to it than that. She had given up everything for Evander, all her hopes, her dreams, her desires. She had forced herself into a corset to please him, binding her true nature away. And she had done it all without realizing it. Slowly tightening the laces until the air was begining to be cut off from her lungs. And for what? A husband who hardly seemed to love her, a neice who hated her, a home away from any adventure she might have had. She felt caged in a way she hadn't even when her years in England had not yet born fruit. She saw the easy marriage between her friends, her relatives, and she wished for that. She might have thought she had that, but with the events of the past year Caroline wasn't sure. Daliah had been more of a caring husband pretending to be Evander than Evander had been. Then running into Tommy again....

"I.... I don't know." Caroline never spoke of these kinds of things. She was what people expected her to be. But she felt as if she had lost some kind of spark, some flame, that made her who she was. "I feel as if I'm losing myself." She admitted, leaning forward and adding sugar to her tea. "I don't think I realized it was happening, but now..... now I look in the mirror and I see -" Realizing what she was saying Caroline stopped the stream of words her cheeks coloring. Knowing Elsie would politely press she finished the words, but addressed them to her lap in a mumble, "Someone I was scared of becoming."

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   Evander Darrow

Elsie watched her friend struggle from behind her teacup. Els hadn't really known Caroline long before she had gotten married, so wasn't really sure how much she had changed since her nuptials, but perhaps Tyb would know. Not that she planned to ask directly, not if Caroline was to confide something in her that she didn't want shared, but she was curious to know what Caro meant.

"I can relate to feeling lost sometimes, everything is wildly different than advertised half the time." Els had always worked, had her profession to fall back on, loved her job, but not having it at her fingertips all of the time was hard. Losing the sense of purpose in that was hard as was finding a new purpose in being a mother. It wasn't easy and it wasn't always fun or everything it was cracked up to be, but she was navigating it the best she could. Having Tyb be so involved certainly helped. Despite all of his hesitations about what sort of parent he would be, Elsie watched him awe sometimes, how easy to came to him. Something told her this wasn't exactly what Caroline was referring to though.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I promise I'll listen without judgement." What else could she do? Caroline clearly needed somebody to talk to and though Elsie didn't know Mr. Darrow very well, she knew their marriage was somewhat different than her own and perhaps that was at the root of it.

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MJ always makes her so pretty

Everything really was different than advertised Caroline thought with grim amusement. Shoes, potions, travel, and yes, even marriage. But then again how different was marriage than what she had expected? Not as much as you likely thought. She'd been scared of being trapped in a marriage and yet she hadn't even noticed the bars closing with her in them so caught up had she been in the idea of a loving marriage.

For a moment Caroline stayed quiet, sipping her tea. She'd always worked to present the perfect impression but beyond Hope who did she have to confide in? Taking a fortifying breathe Caroline met Elsie gaze and started.

"Did you know I use to want to go on grand adventures?" She asked, pausing for a moment for Elsie to nod or shake her head. "I wanted to see the world. I lived off the stories of father's captains, read every book and captain's log I could get my hands on. I had this whole image of what coming to Britain would be like." Caroline chuckled without humor. "I was certain I'd find a match who'd suit my family's expectations, who'd whisk me off my feet, and who would take on adventures to the rest of the world." How very very wrong she had been. Evander hadn't quite been the match her parents had hoped for, but she certainly had been whisked off her feet. In fact Alfred had more in common with this fictional husband of her's than Evander did. "I was petifried to find myself a wife another nothing more. Chained to a parlor and children." And this was the difficult part but Caroline never shied away from a challenge. "And yet here I am." Again a dry chuckle, a shrug of the shoulders, anything to soften the impact of those words, to ignore the truth of them finally spoken and the sinking feeling in her stomach. How ironic was it that she had met Evander when fighting of a boggart showing her that very fear only to have him be the one who doomed her to it?

  

Els had never had any grand ideas of adventure. Her one brush with it had left her shipwrecked and it wasn't something she had ever cared to repeat. No, Elsie left her adventuring to novels these days. When she even had free time to do that. Still, knowing Caroline had come from the States looking for grand adventure did start to help sort the pieces.

She listened intently, sipping her tea and pushing her free hand against the little foot stretching into her rib cage. Elsie could sort of relate to finding herself somewhere she hadn't expected; only her reality was much better than the future she had once envisioned. "This wasn't the adventure you imagined then." Elsie could more than relate to not wanting to be stuck home all of the time, devoting every waking minute to her children and the house. It was why she still wanted to work at the library. Her profession was a lot of who she was; she was not just a mother, nor just a wife. She was everything all rolled into one and without each piece she would feel entirely lopsided.

"I'm afraid I don't have much advice, nor am I very big on unsolicited advice to being with," Elsie had gotten plenty over her lifetime. "But if you don't simply want to be a wife and mother, don't. Find something else that helps fulfill your worth. I would be absolutely insane without the library. It may not be grand adventures anymore, but you can find ways to fill your time that are meaningful to you." It was practically unheard of for women like them. Elsie should have quit working as soon as it was obvious she was with child the first time, but she simply couldn't fathom not working anymore. Truthfully it kept her balanced, even if it sometimes added to her plate.

"I know it's not that easy, but if you truly want more, sometimes you have to go find it."

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   Meta Lestrange

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MJ always makes her so pretty

A humorourless smile crossed Caroline's lips. "That's the thing. Every time I try it seems Evannder disapproves." Perhaps disapproved with the wrong word for it. He became more tactiture, more withdraw, less like the husband she had fallen in love with in the first place. "The more I stretch for something outside of our parlor the less he seems like the man I fell in love with." She hadn't even realized the words until they were slipping out of her lips, trotting across the room carrying all the darkest thoughts she tried to refrain from thinking about.

"It's just.... I thought I found someone who understood me. And now, I....I should be happy." Really she should. Not many people got to marry for love, to have that luxury. She had carved it out for herself, ensured it would happen. But where was her happy ending? The life she had envisioned. "It's foolish to complain. I'm sorry. We should be talking about you and not my own self made problems. I'm likely just...." She waved her hand in the air trying encompass some word that she couldn't quite define.

  

Now that, Elsie could not completely understand. It felt like every day she fell more and more in love with Tyb. Some new quirk she hadn't realized, or just watching him with Bentley, reaching over night after night to find comfort in having him right next to her in bed. It never ceased to amaze her. Maybe because she it had never been guaranteed; they'd had to really work for it. Els felt for her friend and the marriage she was describing; everyone deserved a love like she had. Frowning slightly, despite her best efforts to keep her expression neutral, Elsie struggled over what she could possibly say. It was so hard, when they seemed like they were in very different spots.

"It's not foolish," She started with, because that much was certainly true. Just because she couldn't empathize, didn't meant she couldn't sympathize for the hurt her friend was feeling. "Have you expressed such desires to Mr. Darrow?" She really didn't know him all that well, but in her limited experience, he did seem a little hard to talk to. "How grateful you are, but still that something is missing? Maybe some charity work? Maybe a new hobby or something to study?" None of those should be frowned upon. Running a house was a lot of work, but it did not take all day. Caroline would certainly have time to pursue a passion. "It may not be an adventure, but might provide some fulfillment?"

She sighed softly and set her teacup down on the table between them. "I could, after this baby comes, teach you to become an animagus?" Elsie didn't share this fact often. She had worked for it for a long, long time with a very patient, experienced tutor, but hadn't used the skill much in the last couple of years. It was something of an adventure though.

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MJ always makes her so pretty

"Perhaps." Caroline doubted talking to Evander would change anything. But perhaps she could adjust her dream again, find something different than the drudgery of a housewife. A face filted into her mind, one she thought of with adventure, but it wasn't Evander's. She didn't want to think on Tommy now.

Luckily Elsie's comment shocked her enough that any wandering thoughts were banished from her mind. "Your an animagus?" Caroline had never really considered becoming one, it had seemed an awful lot of work for a spell she'd never use, but now..... well now she could think of a great number of uses for it. She could, quite literally, spread her wings and seek adventure. "I'd," She paused for a moment taking in the full weight of what she was about to say, before taking a breathe, "I'd like that." The more she thought about it the more perfect of a project it seemed to become.

  

It was surprising, Elsie considered, that she of all people would have chosen to pursue the transformation, but Els had always been drawn to academic challenges. The quest for a distraction, for a goal, had gotten her though some of her rougher moments, giving her something to focus on and fill the void with, even if it didn't compare to what (or rather who)she'd been missing.

"A mourning dove. I'd show you but," She gestured to the large bump she was currently sporting, tempted to perch her teacup upon it for comedic effect. "We can start some of the theory before though, it does take quite a bit of research and effort. I still have my journals and some books I can recommend to get you started." Elsie knew exactly where it all was, tucked perfectly in a little corner of the library where she could find it easily. "I found it to be a good academic pursuit, challenging, but attainable." Maybe that was all Caroline needed, something else to focus on every once in a while.

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MJ always makes her so pretty

Caroline chuckled, "Of course." While Elsie may not be able to show her Caroline could certainly envision Elsie as a morning dove. It suited her well.

"I'd like that." Caroline agreed. It had been a long time since she had done anything academic. And she did indeed relish a challenge. Perhaps she might even pursuit the matter further on her own during Elsie's confinement.

"Of course after the baby is here I shall no longer believe the morning dove that keeps nesting in my roses is a while one." It was easy to tease, to switch from the somber conversation back into their easily navigatiable shores of friendship, away from the rip current that tugged away from their safe harbors.

  

Unsure as to whether Caroline was just trying to placate her, or didn't want to talk of marriage anymore, Elsie followed her lead. If they were to start the process, Els would be able to check in more often. "If only I had the time to build a nest somewhere else." She joked, thinking that a nice cozy little next to take a nap in some peace and quiet would be lovely sometimes.

Preparing herself to get up, Elsie scooted forward in her seat, using the arms of the chair to pull herself into a standing position. "Come to the library, we can look for my materials." She smiled, pleased that all of her hard work would help Caroline get started on the journey. "Plus I need to stretch my legs." Pregnancy was becoming really uncomfortable at this stage. She needed a break if they were going to do this again.

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MJ always makes her so pretty