Issue #250 - What Will 1891 Bring *You*?
January 3, 2021 – 11:47 PM
The Original Fake News
January 3, 2021 – 11:47 PM
The Original Fake News
| 1891: The End of Another Administration | |
Darcy Potter: 1881-1884. Balthazar Urquart: 1884-1887. Justin Ross: 1887-....1891? We've seen a total of three ministers come and go in the past decade, and it should not be too unrealistic to ask the question: Will we see the end of the Ross administration sometime in 1891? One of our contributing seers seems to think so! Mr. Justin Ross, soon-to-be former minister? What will go wrong with the Ross administration? Well, we have some possible options: 1. His family will be embroiled in scandal (well, his wife's family). The Fisk family, joined to the Ross family by the marriage of Minister Ross to Roslyn née Ross, has had is brushes with scandal in the past. The family is not without its own peculiarities: while two of the daughters have found respectable marriage, one remains unhappily single while the other chose a profession over marriage. The sons have found more conventional places in society, with a number of them working in the Ministry under the Ross administration. However, we are certain that the family has its own secrets that they would be aggrieved to have revealed. Readers may remember the swift marriage between healer-in-charge Ari Fisk and one of his hopsital's mediwitches, the then-Miss Dionisia Tweedy. A workplace affair with unfortunate consequences, perhaps? What of the rumors of Miss Zelda Fisk's impropriety and her unusual attachment to the sailor, Mr. J. Alfred Darrow? With that many siblings, it's only a matter of time before one of them makes a poor choice that Minister Ross cannot ignore! 2. Another crisis. The administration proved capable of handling crisis when the magic-numbing fog struck Irvingly and Hogsmeade in 1888, but there was criticism from both liberal and conservative circles about the use of quarantine. The administration also faced criticism during last year's Quidditch World Cup, when a British citizen—a woman!—was struck and killed by a misfired bludger. Th magical world has seen a number of catastrophes over the last decade, so we would not be surprised if the Ross administration is forced to cope with yet another one this year. 3. Resignation. Minister Ross, a known friend of former minister Balthazar Urquart, is surely not blind to the stress the limelight can place upon young children—and after seeing how publicity affected the daughters of Minister Urquart following the revelation of Miss Topaz Urquart's lycanthrophy, perhaps Minister Ross will choose a quiet family life over one of rumors and criticism. |
Assuming the Ross administration does come to its end in the next year, we will surely see the emergence of a number of hopeful candidates. Our contributing seer points to a number of possible contenders for the next Minister of Magic, some more likely than others: Roman Crouch: a conservative in a liberal administration. There is no doubt in anyone's mind that Mr. Crouch has political ambitions. Why else would he accept a position in an administration with policies that differ so much from his own personal values? Surely he will tout his accomplishments—both as a Ministry official and his ability to appeal to both sides of the aisle—on the campaign trail. Charles Macmillan: a second son unwilling to take second place. Like Mr. Crouch, Mr. Macmillan is a conservative working in a liberal administration, undoubtedly with hopes of gathering accolades to tout on the campaign trail. At only thirty years old, his resume is impressive: he formerly worked as the assistant head of the Department of International Magical Co-Operation under Mr. Aldous Crouch, and is said to be far more ambitious than his elder brother. Faustus Prewett: family ties, heroism, and decades of experience. Faustus Prewett is a well-known name in the Ministry of Magic; apart from being the head auror—twice!—Mr. Prewett also cleared his father's name of his accused crimes and restored the Prewett family's reputation. The Prewett family, although wealthy purebloods like other contenders on this list, is said to be less radical than other pro-pureblood families and has even allowed a muggleborn into the family. It might not help him with radical pureblood supremacists, but may help blood equality activists give him a second look. Percival Adlard Jr.: pro-muggle advocate and man of duty Mr. Adlard reads like a clear successor of the Ross administration—at least from the outside. With a muggle fiancée and his modest upbringing, it is unlikely that Mr. Adlard would introduce any radical policies that would affect the masses. He may, however, seek to undo legislation passed under the current administration that has to to with marriages of humans to non-human beings...? We have yet to see! While we're still yet uncertain of what's to come for the Ross administration, do not fret: your husbands, fathers, and brothers surely know how to pick the best man for the job! If you're lucky, perhaps we'll have an eligible bachelor up for election! |
January 3, 2021 – 11:47 PM
The Original Fake News
| Each of the Prewett brother's are currently unattached, but which brother would most likely be interested in you? | Quiz: Which Prewett Brother Would Make the Better Beau For You? So many eligible men are available for the respectable young lady to set her eyes on for a potential match. But which of the notable Prewett brother would likely be interested in you? 1. How patient are you? A) My etiquette professor tried to ignore my ineptitude. B) My etiquette professor adored me. C) My etiquette professor tolerated me. D) I've made my etiquette professor cry. 2. What is a hobby you would like the most? A) Reading an interesting mystery book. B) Hosting a society event. C) Studying. D) Participating in an outdoor activity. 3. Do you have a career? A) I would consider one. B) Absolutely not. Being a wife, mother, and socialite will likely take up my entire life. C) I do charity work. D) Yes, I adore my career. Mostly A's: Felix Prewett is certainly not the most wild brother, though he certainly likes a degree of adventure. He will likely look for a woman likely to keep up with his lifestyle. Mostly B's: Faustus Prewett is likely to want a wife both for companionship as well as to assist in raising his three children. Mostly C's: Frederick Prewett may be the youngest of the Prewett brothers, but those of us at Witch Weekly believe that he will likely be an ideal match for the most typical and proper debutante. Mostly D's: Fitzroy Prewett is perhaps the least likely Prewett brother to enter a lasting relationship, though we are sure that a woman of similar interests will be most likely to catch his eyes. |
January 3, 2021 – 11:48 PM
The Original Fake News
| Your character's issue of Witch Weekly is charmed to provide a customized main article for each reader. Since we don't have magic, read the appropriate column in each area to construct your article one paragraph at a time :) | ||
While you may feel you are at leisure in choosing a companion, we would urge you not to wait too long. 1891 looks to be quite a fortuitous year to marry, whereas 1892 marriages are destined to end in early death for at least one half of the couple and 1893 marriages are more prone than not to involve sickly children. The prospects for this upcoming season do look promising, though you may find you hae more competition than you anticipated in securing the affections of your bride of choice. |
This year will be filled with some of the highest highes and lowest lows of any year in your recent memory. You will have many important decisions to make, even though they may seem small in the moment; a smile in place of a frown or the choice to dance the quadrille or the waltz may have a monumental impact on your prospects. |
You have, by now, likely given up all hope of conventional happines and resigned yourself to a life of tending other's children and being called 'eccentric' as though it is a compliment. If you do not already regret your choices, you will soon, but recovering yourself at this stage would be rather an uphill battle. Instead, you may choose to join a book club or other interest group to provide some small solace in your otherwise lonely life. Cling to the friends you still have, as the older you get the harder it will be to keep them. |
One of your children is headed towards a promising marriage, another a social catastrophe. Your careful hand will be necessary to avert disaster in one case, but be careful not to meddle too much for your child that is already trending towards happiness or you shall see them settled much less fortunately than they might otherwise be. |
Your children may pull your focus to them moreso this year than in previous years. While their troubles may seem inconsequential, remember that every conversation counts when molding them into the ladies and gentleman they will someday become. Cultivate friendships with others in your same general position whom you admire and can emulate. You should also take an interest in the social circles of your children, if you haven't already — a bad set of friends can ruin an otherwise perfect child. |
Of course your goal during the coming year will be to begin filling up your household with little ones. Since there is little you can do to bring this forth (besides that thing we are sure you are already doing), you ought to focus your attentions on hobbies or friends. Lowering your stress level generally will help you conceive more quickly, and will create a healthier baby. |
Luckily, your charm and social graces will suit you well in the coming year. Follow your instincts and trust in advise from those closest to you, and you will find that 1891 brings you much joy. |
Of course, it won't be easy to recover the ground you've already lost. You'll need to put your nose to the grindstone; put aside all else and focus entirely on your goal. This is not the time for merriment, but for dedication. If you let 1891 pass you by as previous years have, you will find yourself miserable by this time next year. |
Unfortunately, whether you succeed or not is mostly out of your hands at this point. You may proceed as you've always done and leave matters entirely to luck and chance, but if you are desirous of a good outcome you would do well to leverage your social circle. Make well-connected friends and doors will open for you. |
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Given your "unique" circumstances it seems quite likely that you've set your sights on a pureblood, and do believe us when we say, darling, that if anyone could have done it, it might have been you, given your good breeding and the company you keep. However, it seems unlikely your pureblooded friends are going to pull through for you, and it may be time to readjust your standards. It would not do to miss an eligible gentleman now because you insisted on pursing the stars! If you want to continue living the lifestyle you are accustomed to, a career isn't the way to go about it. You are very quickly running out of time to secure a decent marriage. Perhaps one of your brothers might arrange something for you, to an older man — perhaps a widower? How on earth did your younger brother marry before you? Perhaps if you had been more amenable to settling down he might have followed your good example instead of bungling everything and ruining poor Miss Finch in the process! You've been seen at all the most popular parties for the past year, but if you truly aspire to be one of the inner circle of society you must move from guest to host. This will be challenging, certainly, but will benefit your daughters greatly when it is time for them to seek a husband of their own. While your own character is beyond reproach, your family's actions do cast a bit of a shadow on your reputation. You could certainly stand to be more in the spotlight — particularly as a hostess — in order to demonstrate your merit. When someone says "the Selwyns," you don't really want everyone's first thought to be Liliana, do you? |
Recovering from your sister's scandal may prove too much for you; in your particular circumstances we might recommend either debuting abroad or entering into a betrothal before you've had a chance to seem flirtatious with the wrong sort of gentleman — otherwise your future husband will likely be worrying until your marrage day that you're on the verge of running off. Your social events are fondly remembered, but will not distact indefinitely from your lack of healthy children. Perhaps this is the year to try a fertility potion — see advertisement on pg. 16 for ideas! But, while it is possible to find a marriage in society... well, in your case, might we suggest you would perhaps be happier opening up a bakery, like your sister? Your unique position means you could have your pick of the litter when it comes to men — and there are ways You clearly have strong ideas about your future; have you considered trying your luck abroad where no one would be aware of your background? Of course you couldn't help the circumstances of your birth, but it does affect the way people are bound to think of you... Your bad behavior would be more acceptable abroad; you should consider leaving for a while. Or forever. You are clearly a woman of high ambitions, and it was often said during the 1890 season that you could do much better for yourself than a Quidditcher — but do remember as you head into 1891 that you are not getting any younger. Each year lowers the ceiling on your prospects, and you could do much worse than a Quidditcher. |
With the way things are looking, you almost certainly have a promotion in your future this year — which means it is past time to begin looking for a wife, Mr. James! It's not too late to abandon the internship, dear; if you make a proper debut this year, you may still stand some chance of being married before your womb shrivels up. In addition to your own prospects, you might be tempted to pay close attention to a handful of others — you would better not. No one likes a gossip, Miss Higgs. You ought to be realistic with yourself if you hope for a match; while your brother's misfortune may have been no fault of his own, those other rumors haven't disappeared, either... Of course, children (step- or otherwise) are not the only ones your trying to look out for, are they? And we suspect Miss Loretta Brown may need your help more than any of the Zabinis or Rileys... You may be past your prime, but a sizeable dowry may yet urge a man to take an interest... unfortunately, at this stage the best you can hope for is to marry a widower with a large brood of children. Perhaps the former Minister is in need of some money, if you don't mind werewolves. One last thing — you really ought to consider retirement. Everyone knows it's inevitable, and it would certainly make your wife much happier to have you in a more stable profession with a steadier income! |
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January 3, 2021 – 11:48 PM
The Original Fake News
| Did you overhear something you simply can't help but share? Write us anonymously to have your news considered for publication! | Heard Around Town I heard that quite a few people came away from Mrs. Antigone Lestranges New Years Eve Ball with burn marks and ruined attire due to some of her decor. Do you suppose she skimped on the charm work to make the fire balls harmless? I saw a Hogwarts girl from a pretty known family who could not possibly be any older than fifteen being accosted by a drunk gentleman. Have men no shame these days? I heard that a certain known Veela was seen going off and cavorting with a gentleman during the NYE festivities while her husband played with their children. Do you suppose he knew? Goodness but Miss Grace Greengrass really does not live up to her name - she was at the Podmore Zoo New Years Eve party and I swear she ran right into the string quartet! I heard that Miss Helga Scamander got stuck under some enchanted mistletoe at the Prewetts ball. I bet she did it on purpose to ensnare one of those handsome Prewett boys but I truly cannot say I blame her! I am quite certain that we will hear of an understanding between Miss Tatiana Lestrange and Mister Charles Macmillan soon enough. They are so well matched! |
January 3, 2021 – 11:48 PM
The Original Fake News
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