It wasn't an awesome thing to hear, but Ford knew it was true. It was charitable, even, because what he was really doing was losing his shit in this chair in the parlor and Noble had been very deliberately not pressing him for details about it, even though he easily could have. And despite what Ford had just said Noble still had a look like he wanted to. Merlin, what the hell was Ford going to say if Noble came right out and asked him what had happened? Or where he'd been, or what he'd done with his clothing, or why he was wearing someone else's pants? He'd either have to come right out and tell him the whole thing or else just clamp his mouth shut and say nothing, because there was no chance in hell Ford was going to be able to lie convincingly at the moment, and certainly not to Noble, and certainly not when he was still looking at him like that.

This had been stupid. This had been so stupid, and yes, Ford had sort of known that already, but sitting here in his parlor consumed by dread of having a conversation with his brother really drove the point home. Where were you tonight would have been a completely normal, innocuous, innocent question under any other circumstances, and if Noble asked him that right now his whole world was going to collapse. And this wasn't the only time he was going to be in this situation, either, because the more often he went out and stayed out the more likely it was that someone would ask him about it. Maybe he could have just brushed off the comment or lied about it after the first night, or after the first week, but if Macnair was going to start holding his hand — he just couldn't hold it together under these circumstances, and he knew it. And what if what happened last Monday happened again, where Macnair just wanted to kiss and cuddle and sleep in the same bed and not even get properly undressed at all? How was Ford supposed to face questions from his family after that?

He moved his left hand off of his face and ran it through his hair. He blinked to try and adjust his eyes to the light again, then shook his head. "I'm not going to stay out late anymore," he announced. He'd said it as soon as he'd decided it, and he wasn't even sure if he meant that he was going to stop seeing Macnair or if he was just going to stop agreeing to stay the night afterwards. He didn't even really know if he was saying this for Noble's benefit, or for his own, to make the resolution seem more concrete. "I should've stopped last week. This was stupid."

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Set by Lady!

Confusion flickered across Noble's face again, although he tried to suppress it. "Okay," he said, because that was the sort of sentence one said okay too, and because — otherwise he did not trust himself to say anything without revealing that he'd been sort of lonely, lately. And before he could think to stop himself, "Where —"

Noble visibly cut himself off; he shook his head. If Ford didn't want to tell him he had a right. Merlin knew they were all living on top of each other all the time. "Sorry, never mind. Okay."

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set by Bee

"London," Ford blurted, in answer to the question Noble hadn't finished asking. He chewed the inside of his cheek for a second, then continued, "— doing something stupid."

He didn't have to say anything, he knew, and it probably would have been better in the long run if he hadn't. He'd spent so long actively trying not to think about those nights whenever he wasn't at Macnair's London house, though, that he'd never managed to feel guilty about them, and now, all of the sudden, he felt intensely guilty. Maybe it was the expression on Noble's face, or maybe it was the fact that he hadn't actually asked, even though Ford was being weird tonight and he had every right to ask. Maybe it was just the accumulated guilt of the entire liaison having built up and bubbled over now that he was taking the time to acknowledge it. In any case, he felt guilty, and he felt like he owed Noble something, and that maybe answering his questions was a way to prove he was serious about stopping this — because he really couldn't stay out late anymore if Noble knew that whenever he did, it was in order to do something stupid.

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   Noble Greengrass

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Set by Lady!

Noble's mouth opened, then closed, because he hadn't expected that. He reached a hand up and dragged it down his own face in response.The surprise-confusion was still stuck on his face, because — he certainly hadn't expected that, because he had never thought of Ford as the sort of person who did stupid things. Ford was — well, he was Ford, and he was also in charge of this whole weird house of cards, and — if he wasn't on board, things would really topple. Noble's brotherly concern was starting to take a backseat to his concern over their whole situation — if Ford was doing something stupid, no matter what it was, or if he was distracted, it could bring this whole thing down.

(This was different than Noble doing stupid things, in his mind, because — he wasn't in charge of all of them, and he hadn't done anything even remotely off-the-wall since Daffy had ended things. So.)

"Oh," Noble said, mostly to buy himself some time, "Um — maybe — don't?"

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   Roberto Devine

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set by Bee

This was probably the best answer that Ford could have expected, really. It confirmed the decision he'd already made and didn't contain even the briefest suggestion that Noble wanted any more details, which suited Ford just fine. He wasn't sure he regretted having told Noble that it was in London, but he was starting to feel a little embarrassed about it, and his cheeks had started getting a little red again accordingly.

"No, I know," he agreed with a nod, swallowing down a lump in his throat. He wanted a drink but felt he should say something else first, so he managed, "I won't. It's all done. Promise."

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Set by Lady!

Noble swallowed. He believed Ford, but he was — uneasy. Ford was doing something stupid in London, and it was over, but it hadn't been over before tonight, and he'd been so clearly combusting in his chair and doing weird things with his pants — this all had Noble uneasy, and maybe he'd feel better if he knew what it was actually about. (Something stupid could be a wide umbrella, and — for all he wanted to respect Ford's space, he was not entirely sure he'd be able to stop himself from looking into it.) He couldn't help but ask, "Anything I can help with?"

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set by Bee

Ford grimaced at the question and took a drink. It would have been nice if the answer was yes, because he didn't know how he was going to muster up the strength to get through it all. The things that needed to happen weren't really things he could hand off to someone else, though. He needed to figure out how to negotiate with Macnair's ghost — his area of expertise, not Noble's. He needed to find some way to communicate his new resolution to Macnair. He needed to get his pants back. Unless Noble was willing to break into Macnair's house to try and steal his pants to save him the embarrassment of having to ask for them, there wasn't much he could do to help.

"Thanks, but — I've got it," he said, with a frown that said he was aware of how ridiculous that sounded, based on how he looked and felt that night. He'd figure it out, though. He'd have to.

"You sort of already did," he admitted, taking another drink. He might have reached the same conclusion about needing to stop all this if he'd been sitting in the parlor alone, not languishing under Noble's concerned look, but maybe not.

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   Noble Greengrass

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Set by Lady!

"Alright," Noble said, although he still didn't feel great about the way this all had gone, or — was going, because Ford wore his feelings on his face but Noble still wasn't used to seeing him freak out like this. And that was what it was, freaking out — unraveling in a living room chair was definitely under the broad freak-out umbrella. He would have to keep track of Ford's late nights, because — Ford was his best friend, but also because he couldn't do this season with their sisters if Ford wasn't on it.

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   Fortitude Greengrass

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set by Bee