March 17th, 1891 — Ari & Dio's Bartonburg Home

A twelve-hour shift the day before had afforded Dionisia very little time to catch up on anything that did not involve her patients' vitals and recovery, but that changed Wednesday, her first day off all week. The stack of papers had begun to pile up in the Fisk drawing room; atop the stack was Wednesday's paper, then Tuesday's paper, then Monday's paper, and then - Sunday's edition of Witch Weekly, which Dionisia might have discarded if not for the face of Reuben Crouch on the cover. The images of the three women on the cover were enough of an indication what the article was centered around, and not wanting to taint her opinion of the man she'd impulsively tossed it into the bin.

That was not the last time Ben's name would occupy her mind. Later that morning she stopped by the Apothecary to refill her stock of gurdyroot and goosegrass, and then after had stopped at Honeyduke's to grab a bar of chocolate for Elliott—and that is when his name came to mind again, prompted by the gossiping of two nearby women.

"Reuben Crouch was caught fighting a man in Bartonburg", was possibly the most alarming statement Dionisia had heard all week, and one of the healers on Monday had informed her that one of her patients was being put into a coma - so. It was jarring to say the least.

She tried to go about her morning, and did a remarkably good job of keeping her wits about her until she returned home. Time went very quickly after that; she put Elliott down for a nap, helped the cook make a list of groceries, and then rummaged through her bedroom desk, in search of a stack of letters and a parchment.

Only then did she finally settle down back in the drawing room where her morning again, this time finding her seat at the small wooden desk they kept instead of the loveseat. Her quill hovered over the parchment, frozen in place. The words Dear Ben, sat alone at the top of the page, along with the day's date, but she found that she was unable to manage words beyond that.

She had to write to him. She needed to. They were not close, but the image she'd formed of him based on their limited encounters did not include rumors of brawls and trysts and complete irresponsibility, even if she'd known prior to their acquaintanceship of the rumors about his rakishness. But then the roar of the floo network filled the drawing room, and Dionisia was frozen in place—

And scattered on the desk all around her, letters from Ben Crouch—and, perhaps more damningly, a letter addressed to Ben Crouch.

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   Reuben Crouch

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Usually by Wednesday Zelda could see through to the end of the week, but tomorrow was Roslyn's dinner, and she was fairly confident that she was going to pass away during. So. She was stressed. She had been biting her nails at work all day and it still wasn't tomorrow, and there was only so much rattling around the Fisk house she could take before she decided that simply wouldn't do. She was also quite evidently being annoying, because it was easier to get herself released to take the floo to Dio's than it usually was.

Zelda didn't know what she was looking for, here - maybe just reassurance that Dionisia would be chill at this dinner, because Zelda certainly wouldn't - but most of her stress about her own love life vanished once she stepped out of the green fire in the floo and found Dio frozen, surrounded by letters.

Zelda wasn't in the habit of reading other people's mail, but there was a difference between reading other people's mail and simply seeing an addressed letter. Ben Crouch. Zelda looked at the letter, looked at Dio, and quirked an eyebrow which spoke volumes.

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   Aldous Crouch

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It was Zelda.

Admittedly it was not the worst person who could have stumbled across her and her letters. If it had been Ari she probably could have gotten out of the conversation by suggesting she was trying to start an affair with someone, which he'd already agreed to, but that would mean more lying and putting the name Ben Crouch in his head. It could have been any of the other Fisk siblings, which could have been bad; at least Zelda had an insight into the fact that she and Ari's marriage was far from perfect, and once she'd admitted that Ari did not love her properly.

That, however, did not explain Ben Crouch.

"I—" Dio began, but she could not find the proper words. She may have chosen to contact Ben first, but even after two years she felt a pang of shame when she considered that none of her Fisk in-laws knew that their nephew was not theirs by blood.

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   Reuben Crouch

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When they'd talked in January, and Dionisia had been crying, they had talked a bit about the circumstances of Dionisia's marriage, and of the pink letters, and of Elliott's real father. Dionisia hadn't told her who was the actual father, though, and although there were - probably, maybe - any number of reasons Dionisia could be writing Ben Crouch, Zelda had her suspicions.

"This is a prolific number of letters," she said, still not reading them, although she rested her fingertips on the top edge of the desk.

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   Reuben Crouch

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Dionisa was still stiff, but she knew she had to do something. Merely staring at Zelda would only cause more suspicion, only Zelda would assume she was doing something bad (which, to some, she might be, but she did not think this was objectively immoral).

"A few months' worth," she admitted, dropping her gaze to the desk. Perhaps she could play this off as a work-related communication—or maybe even a past friendship. Ben Crouch had a reputation for sure, but that did not mean every communication he had with women was inherently troublesome.

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The thing was, this was not the first conversation they'd had about letters with men, and Dionisia was being so cagey about it that it was not difficult for Zelda to string the pieces together, especially given Ben Crouch's pre-marriage reputation as a rake.

"Is he —?" she said, not wanting to say it aloud - acknowledging that Ari wasn't Elliott's father verbally was a bit much.

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If it was possible to go even stiffer, Dionisia did. Her gaze caught on the name Ben Crouch on the letter, and her she pulled her lips so tightly into a straight line that she could feel the muscles in her cheeks ache. He was, she could have said, and that would be that—but then she would have to explain why she was writing to him and everything that came with that. Zelda knew she'd contacted Elliott's father, but not the extent of it; she did not know about the visits, how she'd given Ben special time to sit and talk to Elliott. As her friend, she might have been supportive, but as her sister-in-law... probably not.

Dionisia remained silent, a multitude of answers coming to mind, but none escaping through her lips.

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   Reuben Crouch

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The silence was as much of an answer as any, and Zelda sighed. She leaned on the back of Dio's chair and rested her chin on the top of the other woman's head. "Is it bad if I say he's good looking?" she said, hoping to lighten the mood although they had not even really gotten into the meat of the issue yet.

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   Dionisia Fisk, Reuben Crouch

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Dio felt Zelda's chin come to rest on her head, and then the comment, and - Merlin, she could feel her cheeks burning pink, in part because there was truth to Zelda's comment but also because she was so wrong.

"Terrible," she responded in a low, strained voice. "But I am not - he's not - we're not—"

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"No, I meant for the other time," Zelda said easily, because she never would have accused Dio of being unfaithful to Ari. "But are you all right? Is Ari all right?" Because certainly Ari knew by now, if they had talked about it in January, and Zelda was far more concerned with their feelings in this case than anyone else. Ben Crouch was a rake, everyone knew it, and even if Witch Weekly exaggerated then he was still a rake.

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There was no need to admit it, apparently, because Zelda had figured it out on her own. But the subject of Ben being Elliott's biological father seemed rather insignificant in the next moment, because Zelda was asking about Ari, and Dionisia had never gotten around to that. Yet.

She had two options: to lie or tell the truth. Having not told Ari was not the worst sin, but compounded with the numerous letters was - not good. On the other hand, Zelda was her closest confidante, and in lying to her she would be disposing of her last emotional safety net. She closed her eyes and allowed Zelda's chin to support her head, savoring the touch of another human being a moment before she knew it would be gone.

"Ari.... does not know yet," she admitted through a whisper. "I - I did not want to burden him if it turned out Ben was someone I did not want to know. But...." But indeed.

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Zelda exhaled and removed her chin from the top of Dionisia's head, although she didn't back away. "Dionisia," she breathed, "I - I know it's frightening, but you've got to tell him." She had thought that Dio told Ari already - but if she hadn't, this was a whole different mess of a problem than what Zelda had already anticipated.

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Dionisia exhaled loudly through her nose, the idea of telling Ari an unwelcome one in the middle of this. Her life was a balancing act; between Elliott's upbringing, her hospital job, Ari and his secrets and the lie she'd told him, her renewed friendship with Zelda and her relationship drama, and Ben's new place in her life, she did not feel there was time to introduce confessions and more heartache.

"My biggest worry," she began, her eyes moving to the letters from Ben. She'd told him how she and Ari's relationship was founded on trust and respect, but there was also affection—not romantic affection, but a mutual trust and a mutual desire to see their son raised happily. "My biggest worry is that Ari will think I am trying to replace him, that I'm trying to push him out of Elliott's life. I'm not. But - Zelda, if I could have had a fulfilling relationship with my own blood family, I would have given up my magic. I would have." It was one of those truths that was known between them, but that they never acknowledged aloud. Zelda had been there when Dionisia was in and out of the orphanage, bouncing from friend's house to friend's house in her best attempt to stay afloat. Zelda knew how she spent the summers stressing over classwork, not because she was especially studious but because getting good grades meant staying at Hogwarts, and she needed he OWLs to get a good enough job.

"And Ben... he's not a bad person, no matter what is said about him. He shows more an interest in Elliott's growth than my father ever showed for mine, and I - I cannot deprive him of knowing. Does that make me a bad person?" she asked, craning her head around to look up at Zelda.

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Zelda sighed, because this was all very difficult, and would have been easier if she could focus on being either Dionisia's friend or Ari's sister. It was not easy when she had to do both. "I don't think you're a bad person," she said, because Dio wasn't a bad person — she was just in a bad situation, and one that Zelda could have found herself in (if she had not planned on making a different choice, several years ago.) And maybe Ben Crouch wasn't a bad person either, although he very clearly made some bad or rakish choices, Zelda didn't know him.

But she did know Dio, and Ari, and her little nephew. "But — Dio, if you don't tell Ari, it is like replacing him," she explained, "Even if Mr. Crouch wants to be there for Elliott. It's not fair to Ari."

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Zelda's reassurance did not seem especially reassuring considering the words that followed. She was not trying to replace Ari, no matter what it looked like. If she'd wanted to replace him she would've tried to find someone who could fill in the gaps that Ari couldn't fill, right? Not someone who could give her less. Ben didn't make her feel less lonely, Ben didn't care for her and that was - fine, truly, because that's not why she'd contacted him to begin with. So no, she told herself, she wasn't try to replace Ari.

... Or was she? The fear lingered, a weight on her chest despite her efforts to convince herself otherwise. What if she ever did try to replace Ari? What if she met someone who loved her and gave her attention and thought her son was just as cute as everyone else did? Ari wanted her to find the happiness he couldn't give her, and if that meant having an affair he would turn a blind eye, but what if a simple romance turned into something more? She could not break Ari's heart, and Elliott was his heart. She couldn't see herself trying to pretend Ari did not exist, living a separate life with another man outside her marriage who Elliott grew to view as a paternal figure, but months ago she would have never envisioned herself talking to Elliott's biological father nd lying to Ari about it.

Maybe she was a bad person. Maybe she was untrustworthy. Maybe she couldn't even trust herself.

And that was the scary part; she'd always been able to trust her own head, but now she didn't know who she was. She was sitting here, misleading Zelda, making it seem like she'd merely been writing letters to Ben when she'd had him in her house. But the scariest part of all was that, even though she did not want to lie to Ari and she did not want to be a terrible person, she knew she would not stop writing to Ben. It was only a matter of how to work around her obstacles and that was - truly terrible of her.

"Elliott is keeping our marriage together, Zelda," she whispered. It was a vague revelation, but not a lie. She didn't want to lie to Zelda anymore, even if she had to withhold certain things to keep everything from shattering. He would divorce me and take Elliott and I would be ruined and jobless and worse than if I would have never married him at all," she wanted to say, but she wasn't sure any of those things were true. In fact, she was almost certain Ari had explicitly stated otherwise—but that was when she'd been the innocent one, and he'd been giving her a chance to leave. If he was mad, if she was the one hurting him, who knew if the conditions would change?

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"What?" Zelda said, because it was the only thing to say. Because maybe Ari didn't love Dionisia, maybe he had only married her because she was in trouble, but he wasn't a bad person. There was surely more keeping their marriage strung together than just their love for Elliott, because that was — a lot to put on a tiny little person who had not done anything wrong.

"That can't possibly be true, Dio." Ari would never. Dionisia would never. Because both of them deserved better, and both of them were better than that.

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