There was no doubt in her mind that he saying it in the same way she might blame herself for Aldous' leg injury. It was true that had she not been too weak to save herself he wouldn't need the cane but she hadn't chosen to be ill, it hadn't been within her power to suddenly decide to be well again. She still felt guilty about it anyway.

"I cannot believe that." She wanted to ask what Melody had said or done to him but she still couldn't bring herself to do so.

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He was going to have to choose, he realized. There wasn't a way through this conversation that would convince November his marriage was a solid one and that left her notions of his character intact. She could only have a good opinion of either him or Melody, and it ought to be Melody, because otherwise she was getting dangerously close to discovering the truth of this whole situation. He regretted telling Aldous, now that he'd decided to fix things, and while he didn't think November would tell anyone else he knew it would be better for her not to know. It would affect every interaction she ever had with Melody, moving forward, and with him — and with his child, someday, too, which hurt most of all.

If it had just been the two of them, him and Melody, Ben might not have thought it was worth it. He cared too much about his sister, and about her opinion of him. To go out of his way to make Nova think the same thing everyone else thought about him was odious, and it might not have been a sacrifice he was prepared to make for Melody's sake. Particularly since it seemed unlikely that the two of them would ever really get along with or without his intervention. For the baby, though — for his child. He was not sure Nova could ever love her niece or nephew if she knew the real truth of things, because she might just see Melody in them — but no matter what she thought of him, he was sure she could still find it in herself to love his child.

"You can't believe it because you're my sister," he said, steeling himself against what he intended to say next and hoping he'd have the strength to get through it. "And it hurts me to have to tell you this and see your opinion of me suffer so terribly, as I'm sure it will, but it's all true."

  

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Generally speaking November was quite gullible, at least when it came to the opinions and thoughts of those she trusted. As gullible as she could be she wasn't completely mindless, sometimes her gut instinct would not be swayed although she might say otherwise. This was one of those instances where she simply couldn't accept what she was being told, not without a fight at least.

"No, no it cannot be." Tears started to well up in her eyes again. "No brother of mine would do such a thing." But why would he lie to her about it? Was he covering up something worse, something like a murder? That seemed far more ridiculous than she could handle at the moment. That left the only other logical explanation she could come up with: obviously he was protecting Miss Finch. Even if Miss Finch was secretly a hag or at least figuratively one, it would be just like her brother to defend her. It was precisely why she'd been so apprehensive about implicating Melody as the root of all evil.

Miss Finch had had no sane reason to involve herself with Reuben, she'd had better marriage prospects all ready and waiting for her. Even if she had mistakenly believed her brother to be innocent of wrong doing - or the worst of it at least - it was inconceivable to her that he could be the sort of man to force his company on a lady. That meant Miss Finch had to have encouraged her brother, that is if she hadn't orchestrated the entire thing herself. Had she developed an obsession with him - was she mentally unstable? Mental instability would explain her utter disregard for social expectation, in the novels she had read hysterical women often did shocking things. If word got out that Miss Finch was so disturbed she'd fit in better in a lunatic asylum than in society, the scandal would be never ending. It wouldn't surprise her at all to learn that her brother was too kind to send her to such a place and couldn't afford one of the nice ones. It was all well and good but had he not read Jane Eyre?

"If you were that heartless you would surely blame your wife to keep my good opinion." He would have her believe he was the villainous Mr. Wickham from Pride & Prejudice but Mr. Wickham didn't confess to his shameful attempted elopement with Miss Darcy, he lied and made himself out to be a victim! If Reuben could callously ruin Miss Finch's life then he oughtn't to have a problem ruining his sister's relationship with her to spare his own. "You cannot be heartlessly selfish only some of the time."

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   Reuben Crouch

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She was on to him, clinging to the trail of the truth with the tenacity of a bulldog, but Ben wasn't going to allow himself to be deterred by her comments. "No, November, I'm not heartless," he agreed with a shake of his head. "But I was selfish, and acted very brashly in the past with no regard for how it might affect the — women I —" he hesitated here, not wanting to be too explicit with his baby sister but feeling that it might be most efficient to be blunt, so that he didn't have to repeat himself to clear up anything for her later in the conversation.

"— took my pleasure from," he concluded, cheeks flushing red. That was an over the top way of phrasing it, and it felt very unnatural to him, but maybe it would resonate with Nova; she liked dramatics, in the books she read. The more theatrical this confession was, perhaps the less likely she might be to question it. "I did spend a day alone in Mexico with Ellory Pendergast, and I did run about with Annabelle Scrimgeour, and I kissed her — amongst other things," he said vaguely, hoping Nova wouldn't press on that particular detail as he had no desire to elaborate. "And last Valentine's Day I — took Melody Finch's virtue in a closet at a ball, knowing that she was engaged to be married in less than two weeks. So you may be right in saying I had never seemed inclined to marry," he admitted, cheeks still flushed. "But it's certainly no less than I deserve."

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Nova physically recoiled at the phrase 'took my pleasure'. It was easy enough to acknowledge that her brother was a known flirt and to then minimize the implications of it to something she could comfortably accept. It only worked for as long as she remained ignorant of the gritty reality. Now he was taking that away from her as well as her perception of his character. Had she really been the last one to see her brother for what he truly was?

Why was he saying such vulgar things? How could it all be true?

She felt nauseous, sickened to her core. She was so overwhelmed and uncomfortable with what she was hearing that she was losing the ability to think clearly. She stood up abruptly. Her chair caught against the ground and as she tried to step back it tipped, nearly tripping her in the process.

"W-why marry her?" If it was true then he'd only revealed himself as a rake, not a reckless romantic in want of a wife.

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His stomach lurched as she stood up and the chair fell behind her. He hated this. He didn't want her to think poorly of him. While nothing he'd said so far was untrue, he would have loved to have told her it wasn't like that, and that he wasn't like that, because he wasn't. Reputation be dammed, he didn't really jump into things with women without considering how it would affect them. Particularly with Melody — he'd told her over and over how miserable she would be if she married him, and the sex in the closet had been her idea more than his.

But he'd rather Nova think him a scoundrel and eventually forgive him than think the worst of the mother of his child, and have it impact her relationship with his son or daughter forever.

"My luck just ran out," he said, with a frown. "Consequences catch up to you no matter how selfish you are. But she certainly never deserved the misfortune of being stuck married to me."

  

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His luck had run out, the consequences caught up to him? "What does that mean?" It was not the literal response she'd expected and with all the inner turmoil she felt she lacked the brainpower to try figuring it out for herself. Why was this happening? She'd been so sure when she'd come to see him that he'd clarify which parts of the article were the fire and which parts were smoke. She'd expected him to admit to some sort of flirtation between the women mentioned but that he'd explain how it was taken out of context and wasn't what it seemed. That he'd confirm her suspicions and tell her the truth about his marriage but this wasn't supposed to be the truth.

Nova still felt certain that he had a good heart but it sounded as though he didn't follow it as closely as she'd thought. Had he really done what only married people were supposed to with innocent young women, lead them astray, spoiled them, and left them to suffer for it alone? She'd stood up for him, quietly insisted upon his innocence, upon foul play. She could endure the pitying looks and the disbelief because she had known in her heart that it was the truth but she'd authored the greatest deception of all.

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Ben hesitated. He felt he ought to tell her some of the truth, but exactly how much he wasn't sure. After what he'd just said, though, she wasn't going to believe the lie that he'd elected to run away with Melody because they were just so desperately in love.

"I just didn't have any option but to marry her," he said, trying to sound cavalier about it. "But it was as much her bad luck as mine that it happened the way it did."

He hated this. He hated this. He hated this. But there wasn't any going back on it now, and it was for the best, wasn't it? He couldn't hope to repair things with Melody if everyone was against her. The ship had already sailed with Aldous and Art, and he couldn't let it leave port with Nova too.

"Nova," he added more softly. "I'm not heartless. I know I've been awful. I'm trying to be better. I'm — trying to be a good husband to her, despite the circumstances," he said, cheeks flushing again. "I hope you don't believe what that article said about — about my intentions, moving forward? I know my past is no recommendation, but I'm — I am trying."

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   Arthur Pettigrew

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"I don't know what to believe anymore," she murmured. A part of her wanted to make him feel bad either for lying to her or for disappointing her so thoroughly that she felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to but she couldn't, she couldn't say she despised him because it wasn't true and she was not so emotional that she couldn't recognize that.

She turned her back to him and considered walking away. She wanted to go, she couldn't continue this conversation in the state she was in. It felt wrong to leave so suddenly and she ought to at least properly say goodbye but she'd want to say nice things and wish him well but she also really didn't want to say nice things to him or else he'd think she was okay with everything he said.

Her eyes drifted up to the house and for the first time she didn't feel afraid of meeting Melody's eyes, she almost wanted to see them there looking back at her. It occurred to her that her sister-in-law might be able to shed some light on the matter in a more impartial kind of way. She wouldn't trust a word that came out of her mouth but she at least wouldn't be emotionally invested in the person sat opposite her. If she stuck to her convictions about who her brother was she might be able to pick apart the lies from the truth. But she wasn't brave enough to do that, any attempt at an interrogation would be shut down the second Melody refused to cooperate. Nor was she calculating enough to plot such a thing.

Willing Melody to appear did at least clear her head a little, or rather give her a point of focus. "The only thing I know for certain..." Nova was still staring up at the house with her back to him. "You have made it abundantly clear she does not bring out the best in you, and if you are truly the person you would have me believe... It cannot end well." For that I shall never forgive her. She realized how ominous she had sounded and decided that had to be her cue to leave. How could she look him in the face and make farewell pleasantries after that? She started to pick her way back across the garden which was a rather wobbly and anticlimactic exit.

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   Arthur Pettigrew, Melody Crouch, Reuben Crouch

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Her comment stung, particularly because of how this conversation had started. Ben had gotten his sister's impression of him to go from the kindest heart of all of us to I don't know what to believe, which was an impressive decline in so short a time, even for a conversation where he'd set out to purposefully do just that. He didn't know what she would believe, either. Part of him hoped that she wouldn't take his words to heart, that she might still know him too well to believe the worst of him, but what else could she think when he'd just told her straight out that it was all true?

Her parting comment was striking, too, albeit for a different reason. His sister had made it exceptionally clear during this conversation that she was more perceptive than most, so her appraisal of his marriage had more merit than a similar pronouncement might have carried from another quarter. Ben relied on Art's advice frequently, but Art didn't know what Nova apparently did; Art still thought that this marriage had begun with at least a spark of love, however distant it had grown at this point. Ben trusted Aldous' judgements, too, but Aldous didn't know his own heart and mind so well as Nova apparently did; Aldous would have never hesitated to believe the worst of him — or if not to believe it, at least acknowledge that it was not far from the realm of possibility. November, somehow, seemed to have all the pieces despite Ben's best efforts to obscure them — both last year in the wake of their elopement and just now, in this conversation. When she said she does not bring out the best in you, then, it affected him greatly. And that last: it cannot end well.

Ben watched her go, feeling a little smaller with each step she took away from the tea setting. Both of their cups were still untouched. He wished that he hadn't pushed her away, and hadn't lied to her (in spirit — there had been no direct lies in his words but he'd very deliberately painted an incorrect picture of himself for her benefit). He was questioning everything, all of the sudden, and he wished he could have asked her for her advice, silly as it seemed to ask his delicate baby sister for advice about something so heavy.

But — was he making a mistake? Were he and Melody really that bad for each other, and would that always be the case? Was there no way to salvage this relationship enough that they could be good parents? He'd thought he was doing all of this for his future child, because he wanted them to grow up in a house that had love in it, but was he kidding himself? Was he making everything worse by just prolonging the inevitable?

Nova left, and Ben pulled his knees up to his chest and just sat for a long while. He didn't have the strength to go talk to Melody just yet, and certainly not to fight with her over that stupid Witch Weekly article.

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   Arthur Pettigrew, Melody Crouch, Ursula Black

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