January 28th, 1891 — Bartonburg

Afternoon melted into late evening before Fallon was ready to inform Jesse of the events of the day. She knew in writing her letter to Lachlan that she would break him just as surely as she knew then it would be the end of their friendship. He wouldn't look at her with a friendly smile or chuckle at a shared joke. She took the fragile piece he gave her and shattered it beneath her boot, of course Lachlan wouldn't forgive her. Truthfully, Fallon wasn't sure she could forgive herself.

Things were already so tense with Jesse that she nearly skipped returning to his flat and went home to her own. Ever since her conversation with Gertrude an unaddressed tension resurfaced between them. Mr. Brownhill apparently accepted Gertrude's work for what it was without complaint, why couldn't Jesse do the same? Why did she have to feel as though he would eventually force an ultimatum? Fallon hadn't worked as hard as she did in her training to simply give up because a man asked her to. Gabe had children and yet he wasn't frowned upon for working in their field. It churned her stomach to realize how little faith Jesse had in her abilities.

She couldn't sit on the conversation with Lachlan for long, though, not after the near end of it all back in October. Honesty was her best way forward, for nothing but an argument happened anyway. She threw a coin at his head and left. What was there for Jesse to be angry about?

The walk back to her flat went easily enough. Leaving a note for Malou on the table (as was their norm these days now that she spent so much time with Jesse) she floo'd to his flat with her overnight bag slung over her shoulder. Merlin, she hoped Jesse wouldn't be angry, she hoped he could see past it and allow her to curl into his side. "Hey," Fallon greeted tiredly upon spotting him in the kitchen. "Is Kirke home?"

  

Jess wasn't completely unaware of the underlying tension between himself and Fallon, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Ever since she had come home at Christmas, it had been there and while he suspected he knew what the issue was, he also thought that if it was that, he wasn't ready for the conversation just yet.

He was in the kitchen cleaning up when he saw the floo light up. This was their new normal and he should probably get on making it their actual normal so they didn't have to be furtive about it. There were so many other outside factors though, he and Kirke had just moved in, Miss Skovgaard would need a new roommate, he still hadn't told his mother Fallon existed, did Fallon want that traditional wedding? Lots of things to consider.

"Hello Beautiful," He smiled easily, eyeing her carefully. "Haven't seen him, but I was out for a bit myself, just got home a little while ago." It wasn't as if Tybalt was unaware of Fallon's continued presence in the flat, just as Jesse knew about Miss Beauregard's visits. They all just kind of acknowledged one another and went about their business.

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The single attempt she mustered at a smile barely reached the corner of her lips, nevermind her eyes. Smiles — and, by extension, happiness — felt a long ways off after revisiting her lost and brokenhearted lover. Lachlan hadn't even been able to look at her by the end of it, his voice sad and small. Remaining with Jesse was the correct decision, one Fallon didn't regret, but betraying Lachlan was a devastating consequence.

She nodded. Kirke may or may not be present, which meant any conversation they were to have oughtn't take place in the common areas. Not that she truly wished to, anyway, but the last time they spoke of the situation in his bedroom nearly ended them, too. (That was, at least, if one considered sad sex to be a conversation.)

"Maybe we should go inside?" She asked quietly, knowing there was no further way to delay it. Jesse was nothing if not perceptive, he would have known from her failure to smile that something was up.

  

Uh oh.

Something was off, he could tell by her half-hearted response to his greeting. Jesse finished rinsing the dishes in his hand before grabbing a kitchen towel to dry off his hands. "Sure," After everything they'd been through, Jesse knew better than to jump to conclusions, but something told him he wasn't going to enjoy this conversation.

He gestured for her to lead the way down the hall. Once inside he closed the door behind him with a soft click. "Did something happen?" He asked, trying to keep his tone and expression neutral, but hoping she would just up and out with it.

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Fallon knew better by now than to try and dance around a tough conversation.  As always, though, there wasn't a great way to frame the events of her afternoon. 'Sorry, love, I accidentally saw my ex-something and chased him back to his house to argue,' didn't exactly instill confidence. Even though she knew nothing to have happened, her history wouldn't help her at all.

Her bag fell from her shoulder to the ground unceremoniously as she turned back to face him. "I saw Lachlan today at the apothecary." Fallon began to explain. "Nothing happened, really. We had an argument."

  

Jess had taken a seat on the end of his bed, watching her closely for any clues as to what was currently happening, but he didn't have to wait long for her to tell him. Thank Merlin.

Well then.

Had her expected this to come up eventually? Sure. That didn't mean he knew how to handle it. He hadn't so much at heard MacFusty's name since the big blow up and for that he was kind of thankful. He stood by his word that he wouldn't have asked her to cut the other man from her life completely, but he was honestly relieved that the Scot had done it for them. A small mercy in the whole situation. As hard as he knew it likely was for Fallon, he thought this might be easier in the long run.

"Okay," He appreciated her telling him, but he wasn't exactly sure what to do with the information "Are you alright?" Jess was always leery to ask her that question, lest she think he thought her incapable or something equally ridiculous, but still thought it prudent in this particular situation.

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His question was a fairly obvious one, but it was also one she wasn't sure how to answer. On one hand, she was relieved to finally have that chapter drawn to a close, to not have to wonder what his reaction was or if he despised her as much as she imagined. (It was worst. Much worst.) On the other, she hadn't anticipated the absolute misery that accompanied knowing. Ignorance was bliss, after all. Wasn't it?

Fallon sagged down besides him, close enough to touch if he were to extend a hand but far enough that their clothes weren't brushing. Her feet ached from a long day of walking (well, pacing) the streets of London. "No," she answered honestly before reaching up to brush her escaped hair from her face.

"The argument went as well as you might expect. He hates me now." The man who had held her against his chest, who was her only reason for surviving the horrors of the Arctic, loathed her. Fallon had done the unthinkable and he would never forgive her for it. It was expected, she knew such to be the case when she wrote the letter, but Merlin did it hurt. "Do you believe me when I say I didn't know he felt that way towards me?"

  

Jesse sat, proverbially of course, on a ledge he didn't want to be anywhere near. He knew this was important to her, she had lost someone she cared a great deal about and she was grieving that loss, but fuck if he wanted to sit here and comfort her over the other man she'd loved. He'd done it in the past of course and he would somehow bring himself to do it again now, but it sat square in the middle of his chest as something wholly unwelcome, but he was unable and unwilling to articulate that right now.

Gently he leaned against her, albeit a little stiffly, as he sorted his thoughts. He was about to say he was sorry, but was he really? Jess wasn't sorry she'd chosen to be with him, not in the slightest, but he was sorry it caused her so much heartache. How much of that did she carry around with her? Was she regretting her decision. Jess was really at as loss for what to say here.

"I believe you," He said after a moment, because he did. Jess assumed she hadn't, otherwise she wouldn't have stayed involved with him. At least he hoped so.

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   Fallon Gillespie

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Well, at least one man did. Fallon didn't necessarily blame Lachlan for not believing she cared about him, just as she didn't wholly believe he expressed it to begin with. They spoke of marriage in such plain terms, and he never once indicated it was her he wished to settle down with. Lachlan had had every opportunity and instead chose to withdraw and force a confrontation. Grieving or not, Fallon stood by her thinking and decisions.

She leaned against him, too, though she noted he wasn't entirely comfortable. Really, Fallon ought to have taken this conversation to Malou. Her best friend would've broken it down in simple terms that Fallon's otherwise distracted thoughts could understand. Kieran would've been a solid option, too. But Jesse was her person now, wasn't he? The man she planned to marry? Who else could she talk to if not him?

A tense quiet enveloped the room. Although Fallon had a million thoughts whizzing through her head, none of them were coherent enough to articulate. Regret and disappointment didn't encompass the emotions she presently felt. Grieving, maybe, but Jesse wouldn't want to hear that Fallon was still grieving her relationship with another man months later.

Another man who might've been alright with her profession. Maybe. (Unlikely.)

"Thank you," she said eventually, her voice just as quiet and small as Lachlan's had been when he spoke his final words to her. "For believing me."

  

"Of course," What else could he say? She needed him to believe her so he did. The silence that stretched out was kind of awkward, but he hadn't the slightest clue how to change it.

He relaxed a little, at least physically against her, sighing softly. He didn't like this feeling, but honestly he hadn't any clue how navigate this. He chose his words very carefully with Fallon and right about now he just didn't know what to say. "Anything I can do?" Maybe she had something specific in mind.

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"No, I don't think so." She shrugged. Perhaps in another life the decision wouldn't have been this difficult. Lachlan wouldn't have loved her because they never would've wound up in such a harrowing experience. The letters to Jesse would've led to a more natural cause to meet and her flirtation with Lachlan would've died eventually, anyway. Perhaps there was less pain to be felt elsewhere.

She rested her head on his shoulder. "Just keep believing me, I guess."

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As she leaned in, Jess wound his arm around behind her, rubbing her arm with his hand. "That I can do." He assured her quietly. The whole air in the room was off, but Jess didn't dare comment further. He was smart enough to know better than to say anything and to wait for her to come to him.

"Are you hungry? I can make something if you want." He was getting better in the kitchen, thankfully supplement by his mother and Miss. Skovgaard's treats every now and then. At the very least he and Kirke weren't starving. They were managing this bachelor pad lifestyle just fine.

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Despite not eating since breakfast Fallon had no appetite. In fact, her stomach was in such knots over the whole ordeal that she didn't think she would be able to manage more than a few bites of anything. "No, I ate at home," she lied.

Squeezing his hand, she sighed again. "I think I'll just lay down if that's fine." At least Jesse wasn't angry with her. That had to count for something, right?