December 15th, 1890 - Miller Farm
Beau Miller

This was miserable. Was marriage supposed to be this hard? Her parents, even her father, had always made it look so easy. Maybe she just wasn't cut out for this. Maybe she'd made a mistake thinking that rushing into this marriage because of the baby would work out. She didn't regret telling him, not after what he was going through with Odina, but maybe letting him get tied down to her was the mistake.

Maybe he was right, maybe she wasn't ready. Those hadn't been his exact words, but the independent comments were close enough. Was she still trying to do it all on her own? Maybe a little, but no more than he was. She was not some delicate woman who needed to be coddled. The pregnancy made her a little emotional sure, up and down, but what was his excuse? The hypocrisy was laughable.

In her flurry to pack what she needed and unable to get into her room at the time, Eva was missing a few things for an extended stay with her family. So as to avoid an unnecessary spat with her father, Eva had waited until he was off for the day, as presumably Beau was, to the zoo, to go collect a few of her things. Namely her pillow. She wanted her fucking pillow. Beau had given her the best one and it smelled like him and if she couldn't be home, she wanted her damn pillow.

The walk to the farm had been long, but had done her some good, something to do with an idle body that craved movement, fresh air to clear her head. By the time she got home she had almost convinced herself to stay, but knew that was probably out of the question just yet. It didn't appear like anyone was home and so Eva let herself in and sank into the sofa for a moment to rest her tired body before finding the emotional and physical energy to gather what she needed.

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Of all the terrible, horrible acts Beau had committed throughout the course of his life, spewing vicious words at his wife had to take the cake. Eavan wasn't to blame for his and Odina's failings, nor was she at fault for wanting to care for him as he did her. And yet, Beau had exploded on her as though she were any other affair he'd partaken in. As though she mattered little. Short of killing his mother (and, perhaps, the man he'd killed while fighting) it was by far his worst mistake.

He dwelled on it for two days and two nights before finally gathering up the courage to approach Eavan at the MacKay's house. Conall was going to kill him, of that Beau was certain. The crotchety old man had promised to do just that should anything like this happen. Beau might as well have painted a target on his back with how he terribly he had treated Eavan. Hell, he hadn't even written her to ensure she got to her father's okay.

Conall would be right to kill him.

Figuring that he ought to look his best to win back his wife, Beau dressed in his Sunday best. His hair was neatly tied back, his shoes buffed and shining. It wasn't much, but it was all he had to offer her. And hopefully, she would forgive him. She had to.

It was with that in mind that Beau began to open the bedroom door to begin the long walk to the MacKay house. Only, he needn't walk at all because Eavan was right there. "Hi," he greeted awkwardly from his frozen spot in the hallway. "I was - I was just coming to see you. Did you walk ...? I didn't hear the floo..." Jesus,  he was uncomfortable.

  

The last thing Eva had expected was for the bedroom door to open behind her.

Whoops.

She looked over her shoulder slowly, unsure as to what to expect, but it was not her husband dressed in his nicest clothes, hair pulled back and looking like he had on their wedding day. Eva couldn't help it, the chuckle that bubbled up was entirely inappropriate, but escaped nevertheless. "You, ah, got a pretty lady waiting somewhere?" She teased lightly, unsure of what else to say at the moment.

Her anger, hurt and frustration had dissipated over the last couple days, fading away into mostly heartbreak and sadness. Why couldn't they just be happy together? Why did it always end in yelling and one or both of them stomping off? She loved him, more than anyone else who had ever been in her life, why couldn't it be easier to do so? They had to stop this nonsense, for Nola. They couldn't raise a baby in a house where they were either screaming at one another or perfectly fine. It gave her whiplash, what would it do to the babe? Something had to give.

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Eavan's laughter lifted his spirits considerably. He had missed her the last three days, even if the majority of them were spent in a drunken stupor. Alcohol and dwelling on issues remained his chosen method of coping, however unhealthy it was. But, now he was determined to right his wrongs with Eva. Especially considering he was more convinced than ever that trying to make headway with Odina. The last thing he wanted to do was somehow make Toby's life more difficult by interfering.

He smiled and rubbed his cheek nervously. Eva might've laughed, but she didn't address any of his statement. "Only one, I hope. It seems I might have kept her waiting for longer than I should've." She was here, after all, and he was meant to have to face off with Conall.

  

Eva had heard his questions, but was too caught up in the nerves to really answer. His response was uplifting, at least they both sort of seemed to have calmed down. "Floo makes me nauseous, the walk was fine. I just came by to pick up a few things I needed..." But maybe she wouldn't have to make the return trip after all.

"Maybe I could have come back a little sooner. " It had been a long three days of poor sleep, a poor appetite and her father glancing at her nervously out of the corner of his eye when he thought she wasn't looking. Not fun to say the least. Plus she'd missed him.

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She walked here?! In her condition?!

Beau bit his tongue sharply to prevent any comments about her actions to slip out. She was her own woman and didn't care for his input, more or less. (Yeah, he was still a bit angry about their argument, but he refused to give her cause to stay out for one more night.) He walked towards the kitchen and returned with a glass of water from the pitcher instead. A walk of that length would get his thirst going no matter the temperature.

Reaching into his pocket, Beau wordlessly pulled the shruken pillow and disenchanted it before handing it over. "Figured you were missing this." She slept with it more often than she spent snuggling him nowadays it seemed. "Wasn't sure I could convince you to come back."

Beau walked towards her and sat on the sofa. "That isn't on you. I was angry and misdirected it. I'm sorry."

  

Watching him quietly, a warm smile spread over her features at her brought her both a glass of water and it of his pocket, her favorite pillow. Well, would you look at that.

Accepting both gratefully, she made room for him on the sofa, getting more comfortable herself in the process. "Not as much as I missed you." Of that she was certain. If Eva had learned anything, it was that a little space was fine, but too much space was not. "I'm sorry, I was out of line." Some of it could be blamed on the pregnancy, but she'd always had a harsh tongue when angry, that was not a new trait.

"We have to stop doing this," She sighed quietly, looking down into her lap. "We can't bring a baby into this chaos." Eva really wanted to do it together, but could understand if he didn't anymore.

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He reached for her hand and held it tight. Lord knew Beau had missed her these last few days, even if he was quietly grateful to have had the space to process his thoughts. "I know," he admitted quietly. "Odina and I ... we bring out the ugly in one another, and I've allowed that to interfere everywhere else." The ex-friends were lucky to have never wound up married to one another.

"It won't happen again." He vowed. Even if it meant closing his heart to Tobias, Beau would never allow them to fall to such lows.

  

Lacing her fingers tightly with his, Eva sighed softly. They had to figure this out somehow. "I think we just need to figure out a system that works for both of us. You need space and I need to feel like I'm not useless."

Maybe without Odina in the picture the severity of the arguments would diminish. Eva hated to think what it would be like for him knowing that Toby was so close, but unavailable. However, she had to think about herself and the baby too. How could they have both? There were trying to build a life here, had every right to and it kept blowing up in their faces.

Unsure of what else to say, Eva pulled her sore frame into his lap (with quite a bit of difficulty). "I hate fighting with you." She really did want it was staying to wear on her.

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Beau clung to her as if she was the lone remaining piece of driftwood in the storming sea. The last few days were more difficult than he anticipated, and without her there to ground him he was a lost cause. "I hate it too," he stated softly. Fighting with her was the worst mistake of the entire situation.

"Yeah, we do. Maybe we should talk with the midwife together about what your limitations are. Just so she can help me not stress so much for you." Eva likely already knew her own limitations, but it would help him to have an outside source confirm them. "As for the space ... I'll head to Murph's next time. He's seen me go through worse."

  

Eva rested her head on his shoulder, finally feeling at peace for the first time in a few days. Sighing softly, she supposed she could write to Winnie to see what would be stretching things for her. Truthfully she liked to think she knew what her limitations were, but it would be a good reminder. "No," She shook her head. "Once it starts getting too late in the pregnancy, I don't want to go to bed by myself." Not that she was truly worried about anything, but if something was to happen, she wanted him here with her. Plus she couldn't summon Winnie and him, wherever he was, at the same time. She didn't want him to miss anything either. Neither one of them would be very happy about the baby coming without him at home.

"I mean if you need space you go, I don't know, into the barn, or to work on the fence, something that I know you'll come to me when you're ready. But you're still here." It wasn't like she was going anywhere. Poor Fergus was her daytime babysitter as it was. At least if she knew the fence was his pissed off place to go, she could respect the boundary until he was ready to talk, or past whatever it was bothering him.

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Beau didn't much like the idea of her being alone on the property so heavily pregnant either. It helped that Fergus was nearby during the day, but Beau was the one who was meant to be there at night. That was what marriage was — showing up even throughout one's own trials to support their partner. He had to be more conscious of remembering that.

"Okay." He agreed. The barn or the fence or even the roof would provide enough of a distraction for him to work through his thoughts. Although, he hoped now that he begrudgingly accepted the loss of Toby (more like forcibily resigned himself to the loss) he hoped to require less processing space. "We'll make it work." He then promised.

Gently, he pulled her from her seated position into his lap. "I love you."

  

At least that was over then. Eva didn't want to do it anymore and she would try her hardest to respect his requests, as long as nobody stormed off mad and didn't come home for a couple days. That was no longer an option. Hopefully something would give on the Toby situation, but Eva wasn't holding her breath. She had too much to worry about in her own household at the moment. Once the baby was here, maybe they could try again.

Eva snuggled in, feeling a sense of calm wash over her as she readjusted her head on his shoulder. They could do this, they could. "I love you too." She sighed quietly, running one hand over her round belly idly, the other searching for his to lace her fingers through his once more.

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