Why can't I leave it unsaid?
You know I talk too much
Honey, come put your lips on mine and shut me up

Early May, 1890 — Melody's Bedroom, Crouch Home, Swallowbury

Ben had received the condom through the mail about a week after their last conversation in Melody's bedroom, but despite his assurance that he would tell her as soon as he did, he'd kept the news to himself. The whole notion of intimacy was strange in this setting, and so he was in no hurry to visit her bedroom. The two of them hardly spoke to each other at all when they were home alone together, except for exchanging a few necessary pieces of information. Even when they were out at parties and such, they spent more time talking about one another than they did to one another. It was easier to pretend to be in love that way, or at least Ben found it to be so. By this point he knew all the right lines to say to others. He could extol her virtues and comment on how admirably she had weathered the misfortune of her family's response to their nuptials, while expressing optimism over the future, and he thought he was doing it all with a reasonable level of conviction. When he was looking directly at her, on the other hand, Ben found himself with nothing to say. Even without introducing sex into the mix, then, he assumed that visiting her bedroom would be awkward and uncomfortable. When one factored in that she was likely not particularly interested in sleeping with him except that she felt she had to do so in order to keep him from sleeping with anyone else, this didn't promise to be a pleasant interlude for either of them.

She'd asked about it that evening, though, which meant he could no longer put off the inevitable.

He'd taken some time to prepare himself, mentally and physically, for what he assumed would happen: he'd enter to find her already lying on the bed in her dressing gown, and she probably wouldn't so much as move until he'd somehow forced himself through to a climax. Ben had been quite surprised when the interaction hadn't gone that way at all. She'd been nervous, and uncertain, but she'd responded to his touch, which had served to encourage him to do more in the way of exploring her body. After a few moments he found himself actually getting into things, forgetting the awkwardness that haunted every other aspect of their life and focusing instead only on how he was feeling.

After he'd finished, he disentangled himself from his wife (remembering at the last moment to take hold of the condom and bring it with him so that it didn't end up sloshing out on the bed) and took a breath. "That wasn't... awful," he commented, before thinking better of it. It wasn't as though it had been great sex, all things considered, but compared to what he'd been anticipating he was pleasantly in shock.

The following 1 user Likes Reuben Crouch's post:1 user Likes Reuben Crouch's post
   Melody Crouch

---

MJ made this <3

Inquiring after the condom was by far the most uncomfortable topic she had had to acknowledge since marrying Ben. Granted, they rarely talked enough for any topic to come about, but even talking about the abortion potion was easier than gathering the courage to ask him whether or not he could come to her bed yet. At least with the potion there weren't a long list of variables — she would take the potion or she wouldn't, she would die or she wouldn't. It wasn't complex. Asking her husband to visit her bed with a device to prevent the very thing sex was designed to accomplish felt counterproductive. But, he had asked for permission to have an affair, and well, she would do just about anything to prevent that.

The sex wasn't as enjoyable as their wedding night, but that was more fueled by her own anxieties than anything else. It was easy to lose herself in his touch, in the pleasure of sharing her body with him. However, the thought was always just on the edge of her brain that he may have done this with someone else since their wedding. And that was enough to keep her own peak just out of reach.

Still...she thought it was worth a qualifier better than not awful. Was that what he'd been expecting? Hadn't they proved to one another the first (and last) time they did this that it could be great between them? Sure, they had a mountain of emotional baggage between them now, but...not awful was just above terrible and that left an unidentifiable pit in her stomach. "Yeah." She agreed as lightheartedly as she could manage in the circumstances, which was probably better than she imagined. "It'll get better too...in time."

  

---

beautiful set by mj

That seemed like an odd response, Ben thought. Was this some sort of practice makes perfect sort of sentiment, or did she have any concrete ... plans for it to get better? It would be just like Melody, he thought, to go and find a book at the public library about how to please a lover. She might have even tried to read one already, for all he knew. She'd said something like that the first time they'd slept together, before the ill-advised elopement.

On reflection, though, he couldn't think of anything less strange for her to have responded with. He realized belatedly that he probably oughtn't to have said anything at all, if the best descriptor he could come up with in the meantime was not awful.

"I didn't think you'd... want to do any of that sort of stuff," he explained. He hoped that she knew that the expectation that things would be awful wasn't some sort of dig at her, necessarily. She wasn't unattractive, by any means, and he obviously wanted to sleep with her — if that wasn't the case, he hardly would have done so in what amounted to a closet at that Valentine's Day party. It was just that he couldn't imagine trying to get invested in something like this if his partner wasn't invested as well, and based on everything that had happened to them in recent months... well, suffice it to say they were hardly in sync the majority of the time.

  

---

MJ made this <3

That stuff was the one thing Melody thought they did well. They were incapable of communicating effectively and had drastically different perspectives, but sex was simple, easy even. Granted, the times they partook in such intimacy Ben hadn't expected marriage as a result and/or was drugged. Still, the closet was fun. Melody regretted much from that night, but not the sex.

She was at a loss as to how to reply. Was she supposed to play the part of the prudish wife? Hadn't they moved past that by this stage? Most women didn't lose their virginity in a closet to a man who wasn't her intended. Did Ben want her to be the blushing bride? Melody fought to maintain a neutral if not pleasant face. Lying and secrets were how they got here, Melody had little desire to continue with them.

"I do." She answered simply. Knowing another baby wouldn't come of it made her want sex all the more. "Want to, I mean. It was ... enjoyable."

  

---

beautiful set by mj

Melody wasn't usually this quiet, Ben thought, when she was content with things. Granted, it had been a long time since they'd had a conversation where she was happy, so maybe things had just changed... but all the same, he couldn't shake the feeling that there was quite a bit she wasn't saying. He was quiet for a moment, wondering whether he ought to just let it lie. He could enjoy the afterglow while it lasted and catch his breath, then go find his robe and head back to his room to deal with the dreaded cleaning and storing of the condom. Bringing it up, on the other hand, might lead to another fight — it seemed nearly everything lead to another fight, since they'd gotten married — or could, maybe, be a good thing. Was there enough of a chance that this all ended positively for him to risk it?

"I didn't think you'd enjoy it with me," he clarified quietly. "With everything else that's happened, I mean."

  

---

MJ made this <3

Where on Earth had he gotten that idea? He was the one who needed time and space. He was the one who didn't love her. How was him wanting to be intimate with anyone but her her fault?! Melody's grip tightened on the sheet covering her nude body, hating how exposed she felt in this moment. For the second time in less than five minutes she was at an utter loss.

"Ben..." she started but couldn't think of the words needed to explain. The last time they discussed sex he needed to procure a condom, a thing with which Melody had no experience with and had expected him to inform her when he had it. How was it her fault that he had let so much time go by since then? Determined to make her stance clear, Melody once again decided the truth was the safest way out. "I want to be happy with you...I thought...I thought that much was clear." She eventually added. "I know you don't care for me and don't want any dealings with me outside of this — and that's fine, I can cope with the consequences. I just...I just want whatever it is you can give."

  

---

beautiful set by mj

Ben blinked at her. For a moment he found it hard to parse her meaning, because this sentiment was so far from what he was expecting. He flipped over on his stomach and squished one of the pillows under his chin so that he could look over at her with a critical eye. "I care about you," he asserted. It was unbelievable to him that he had to say it, since he was here. Not just here in her bedroom, but here in Irvingly — here, married to her. If he really hadn't cared about her, he wouldn't have stayed married to her after he'd come to his senses in the morning. Despite what his brothers might have thought of him, Ben did have an honorable streak to his nature, but he wouldn't have gone so far as to marry a manipulative woman just to save her reputation. He might have had a white-knight complex, but he wasn't stupid.

Well, except when it came to Melody, he was. Because despite her deception and his knowledge that this wasn't the sort of life he was meant to live, he'd stayed by her side, unable to see her continue her downward spiral without someone to soften her fall.

"We've... we've had it rough," he admitted, shifting his gaze up to the headboard and resting his chin on his closed fist. "And I'm sorry about that. But I do care about you."

  

---

MJ made this <3

A rough path was putting it mildly. Theirs was a journey marked by steep cliffs and and jagged rocks. The fact that they were still standing was a testament only to his sensibilities. Without Ben's constant logical reasoning Melody would be lost somewhere in Timbuktu. His reasoning, though, didn't lend itself to caring for her. After all, a man who cared for his wife didn't actively avoid her at every turn. A man who thought of his wife's well being didn't leave her to her own devices for over a month.

Then again, Ben never wanted her to be his wife.

"Okay." She replied meekly. They had fought enough times over similar enough topics for her to know better than push the subject. "Will you stay, then? Just for a bit?"

  

---

beautiful set by mj

The request surprised him, but his answer came easily enough. "Sure. If you want me to."

He hesitated for a moment. They were currently just laying side-by-side on her bed, and he supposed he could stay there. She hadn't explicitly asked for anything more. It felt strange, though, if he was planning on staying. It wasn't the way he normally went about things, immediately after intercourse. After half a minute, he scooted a little closer to her side of the bed and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her body up against his chest.

  

---

MJ made this <3

Snuggling wasn't what she'd been expecting in asking him to stay. Melody was hoping to talk to him, perhaps about his job or some other mundane topic. Mundane wasn't an option now, though, with their bodies as close as they were. If anything, she was better off dozing off in the warm embrace.

"Thank you." She mumbled after several minutes of comfortable silence. At least for tonight she wasn't alone.

The following 1 user Likes Melody Crouch's post:1 user Likes Melody Crouch's post
   Reuben Crouch

---

beautiful set by mj