Alfred snorted. "I had her readied for the thing with the Adebayo Trading Company — if you heard about that," he said with a grim look. It wasn't exactly public knowledge, but much to his chagrin there had been rumors circulating about it since the events of last month. He should have expected as much — dragons — but of course when he'd agreed to help them find or salvage the ship, he hadn't known that dragons would become such a major issue in the near future. He was just doing what any mariner would when presented with a ship that was lost at sea; sailors had a duty to look after their own. "But it's fortunate, yeah. I can't imagine what we would've done if I hadn't had a crew on standby and the Voyager ready to sail."

He paused, then added, "I'm glad you were there, too. You were a big help. Even more than just having another hand would've been."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Jo was still reeling from the sudden repeat of conversation that she missed half of what he said. Alfred didn't even seem to realize that he had shifted the topic back to what they'd covered only a few minutes ago. To him, it was like the conversation about his father and his time in the navy hadn't happened. Like she had simply imagined the entire scenario.

She had to be dreaming. This couldn't be real, could it?

"Thanks. I'm - I'm just relieved to have survived it." She answered, obviously a bit distracted. "I was terrified to leave Ilona motherless."

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"I —" Alfred began, but stopped. The weight of what she'd said had impressed upon him an immediate desire to reply, but he couldn't finish. He'd been about to say he wouldn't have let it happen, but what choice would he have had if things had gone poorly on the night of the fourteenth? He wasn't a healer, he was a sailor. If she'd been attacked the most he could have done would have been would be to pull her body out of the water so her family had something to bury.

But his immediate thought of I wouldn't let that happen wasn't actually to do with saving Jo from any danger, he realized; it was about not letting her daughter be alone. He'd wanted to say that if something had happened to Jo then he and Zelda would have taken Ilona in without a second thought, and would have taken care of her, but — he ought not to speak for Zelda on this subject, not when the last words they'd exchanged in regards to it were you're not Ilona's father and you are not to parent her. It was a thing Alfred still wasn't sure he entirely understood, but he'd agreed to it.

I hate this, he might have said. I hate that we ended up like this. But if he said it he'd have to explain what he meant, and it would open up the conversation about Ilona that he wasn't sure he was allowed to have. And it was pointless, anyway, because he knew that Jo would say she didn't need him to do that. She had made no effort at all to include him in Ilona's life; whatever support network she was crafting for her daughter, it did not include him.

"I'm sorry I asked you to stay," he said, feeling deeply miserable, but looking at his boots so that she might not read it so easily on his face. "You, uhm, want a cup of tea? There's a booth selling them. I could go buy us a pair."

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The following 1 user Likes J. Alfred Darrow's post:1 user Likes J. Alfred Darrow's post
   Jupiter Smith

"You didn't ask me to stay." Jo quickly pointed out, stopping him from standing up to leave. Staying hadn't even been a question that night, not after she agreed to take the deck. Jo hadn't even realized that Alfred knew her inner turmoil after jumping aboard. Surely, he didn't know how close she'd been to jumping into the Thames. Surely, he didn't know how much of a coward she was.

(Then again, she had always been a coward to him. She was always the one running, fleeing, risking her life in a snow storm rather than staying in an awkward or dangerous situation. Alfred hadn't asked her to stay then, either. Staying was never the question when it came to their friendship.)

"But yeah. I uhm - tea would be great." Alcohol would be better.

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Standing to fetch tea felt a little like fleeing, but he didn't know what the alternative would be. He didn't know what to say. Getting up and getting away from her for a second would give them both a much needed reset on the conversation. When he came back with tea in hand he could ask her about something happier. It might put them back in the endless circle of awkward small talk, but it would be better than this.

He left.

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Alfred was sitting on the bench and looking at the lapping water at the edge of the lake and wondering what to do with his hands. "Not that it's necessarily a bad thing," he was saying — in response to something, though he'd lost track of exactly what she'd said. "It's good to feel useful, at least."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Jo watched a family of ducks on the lake as she waited for his return. It was easier to focus on their paddling than the tense conversation Alfred and she were now having. The ducks didn't have to navigate potentially upsetting topics or discuss heavy traumas. To them, their worst trauma would be getting eaten by a predator, at which point it would no longer matter because they would be dead. Merlin, how terrible did reality have to be that Jo was wishing to be a duck of all things?

"...It's good to feel useful, at least."

His sudden reappearance caused Jo to jump out of her skin. "Where's the tea?" She asked, looking around as if two cups might suddenly appear. It was only then that Jo realized what he had said, that he had repeated himself again. A dream, this had to be a dream.

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Alfred blinked at her. "Tea?" he asked, confused. "Did you, uhm, want some? There was a booth I saw selling cups back there."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

"No, no, that's alright." Jo insisted. "I must've imagined it - I haven't been sleeping lately." Was that why she was having this bizarre dream now? Had Zach given her a potion with unknown side effects?

She stood then, looking around once more as if the tea might suddenly materialize. "You onow what, I'm going to go get some. Would you like a cup?" Maybe if she walked away the dream would end. Or, maybe she'd encounter someone else trapped in a similar dream.

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He could understand that; he hadn't been sleeping well since the dragon attack either. And he did feel sort of — displaced, for lack of a better word. Maybe a cup of tea would help.

"Sure, thanks," he said, with a terse smile. "See you back in a minute."

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"Not that it's necessarily a bad thing. It's good to feel —" he was saying, but the look on Jo's face stopped him from completing the sentence. "— what's — Why are you looking at me like that?"

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

The first time she walked away, she actually purchased the tea and was nearly back to Alfred before the dream restarted again.

The second time, she'd decided to go get tea but actually used it to see if she could find someone else experiencing something similar. She hadn't.

The third time, she hadn't said anything to Alfred beyond a muttered, "I need to go." He hadn't fought her on it, had instead agreed and allowed her to leave. (Why did he never ask her to stay?)

The fourth time, Jo was still feeling frustrated with the dream when she stood and ran to the lake with the intention of diving in. Water was a way to rouse someone, wasn't it? She'd gotten halfway in, her skirts soaked and heavy, before she was back on the bench hearing Alfred repeat himself once more with her skirts dry.

Jo was close to snapping - either from irritability or confusion or grief - but she just shook her head. "Do you ever wish you could've done just one thing differently?"

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Alfred stared at her, startled by the question.

Every time we talk, he thought. She knew that. She had to know that. But they didn't talk about it. Since the snowstorm, there was a lot they didn't talk about, by unspoken agreement. Why was she asking now?

"Something like what?" he asked, cautiously. He wanted to believe this question was an olive branch and not some kind of trap, but — there were a lot of potential pitfalls in this direction. He had to tread carefully.

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

"Anything." She answered. "Any pivotal moment in your life that would've altered your course. I don't even mean anything recent - it could be from when you were in school or before the wreck or anything. A regret that you wish you didn't have to live with."

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When she asked he'd been so sure she was talking about them, but now he was less certain of that.

"Yeah," he said quietly, without elaborating.

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

He had regrets, everyone did, so of course he had moments he wished he could alter. But his reluctance in answering stopped her pushing him further. They didn't discuss things like this - not anymore. Not after the snowstorm and Cape Town and the rules. Pressing him now could ruin everything, it could shatter the fragile peace they'd been working so hard to build.

Except, this was a dream. And in her dreams she didn't need to care about the peace or ruining everything.

"I sometimes wish I had never come back with Ilona." She told him, despite him not having asked if she had any regrets of her own.

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That was a heavy thing to say, but even heavier was what came to mind for him when she said it: sometimes I wish that, too. Because when Jo had just been gone he had missed her, but he had not been confronted every time he saw her with how broken and irreparable their relationship was now.

Of course, more than that he wished she'd never left in the first place, but that didn't fall into her category of regrets that could be traced back to a single moment. There was a lot that he would have needed to change to keep her from having to leave.

He shifted his weight and looked at the water. "Do you — think you're here to stay?"

It was something he'd specifically avoided asking her on many occasions, but at the moment it was the least loaded conversation optional available to them.

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

"I can't separate Ilona and Zach." Jo admitted with a helpless shrug. His livelihood and family were all here, picking up and moving elsewhere wasn't as easy an option as it was for her. Jo didn't have to even say what would happen if Zach decided to sell the shop, but she did wonder if she'd stop long enough to offer Alfred a final farewell.

Probably not. They hadn't ever fared well with goodbyes before.

"I don't want to be." She added after a minute, turning her attention to once more watch the ducks.

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