4th June, 1893 — Wildflowers & Daffy’s flat, Diagon Alley

It had been a week, thereabouts, since Daff had left the daffodils for him. A fortnight since the workshop disaster. Elias intentionally hadn’t written, at first. After all, he had told himself, she had left. She hadn’t wanted to be there, so the best thing he could do was give her space.

(He might have wanted to write, or better yet, to see her, because he had missed her; but Elias knew full well that missing her wouldn’t change anything if she still didn’t want to see him.)

And then he still hadn’t written, after the flowers, mostly because he didn’t know what to say. Sorry, he had tried, but he hadn’t sent it because he wasn’t sure what, exactly, he was sorry for. And he hadn’t wanted her to think there had been anything to be sorry for in relation to Irene, because – well, there hadn’t been anything, as far as he knew.

Now... now things had altered in his mind, and missing her was good enough as a reason to try. He had lost one friendship this week without losing all possibility of hers too. He hadn’t come prepared – hadn’t brought anything with him as a peace offering, and hadn’t thought of it until he’d wound up outside of the closed shop front door with a pang of embarrassment. It was Sunday, after hours, most places in the street were closed; there was a faint dusting of sunlight still on everything. He wondered if it had rained here like it had in Hogsmeade yesterday. He wondered if she was really here.

“I – tried in Hogsmeade, but your sister said you were in London again,” Elias said uncertainly, when she came to the door. (He didn’t like it, Daffy being out here alone – but the thought left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth, because if he said as much she would probably just insist she was fine.) He might look outwardly calm where he stood, but inwardly Elias felt like wringing his hands together as he looked her over, trying to get any sense he could of how she was, and how much she might possibly resent him. He bit the bullet, nonetheless. “Can I come in?”

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@"Daffodil Potts"

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   Daffodil Grimstone

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Another week had dragged on, but Daff hadn't wanted to overstep, to push when she wasn't sure he wanted to hear from her. She had left the flowers with Miss Fawcett and she trusted that Penny would make sure Elias saw them. He would reach out when he was ready and if he didn't, well, then she had her answer.

With the shop closed today, she had the time to go through her inventory, get some orders together and plan out the week. It was nice to have the shop to herself, the quiet and the fading daylight enough to keep her sane. She hummed to herself as she sat at the front desk outlining the arrangements for delivery. She had been doing a surprising amount of small gatherings, ladies lunches and things like that, which kept her quite busy.

Busy was good, it kept her mind from wandering, so when she finally noticed Elias on the doorstep, she thought she might be imagining him. Still, she dropped the sketch in her hands and hurried to the door. Finally. Merlin, she had missed him

"Please," Daff hardly trusted her voice, emotions already threatening to take over. Swinging the door open, she locked it behind him, knowing she was done for the day. The shop floor wasn't the place to have this conversation so she let Winston lead the way upstairs and she realized what a state it must look like. Her desk was peppered with unfinished letters, carnations in every hue overwhelmed the space and she quickly cast the ending charm on the vases. One more popped into existence despite her efforts and she pulled it from the vase, toying with the petals. Otherwise it looked perfectly homey and lived-in, as she hadn't left much but to go to her parents' for dinner this week.

Daff took a deep breath, biting her lip as she turned back to face him. "I'm sorry." She started with, "My behavior was unacceptable and I'm so sorry." That had to be a good place to start.

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   Elias Grimstone

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Please, she had said, which was as far from a no as he could have hoped. He might have been gritting his teeth in dread, he realised, as he followed her across the threshold and to the stairs. Unable to keep studying her face, Elias forced his gaze to wander through all the space they passed, up to Daff’s own flat.

It was hard to miss the carnations – he knew them best now, so they were unmistakeable – but there were so many of them, vases full, that he almost had to catch his breath. If – if they had been downstairs, he might have thought they were for some arrangement. Instead, another flower materialised without Daffy even seemingly trying to conjure it – there was a strange pang in his chest – and Elias watched as she took it up in hand and turned back to him.

He exhaled a slow breath too, wishing he had been able to plan what to say. He’d thought – hoped – everything might just appear in his head when he got here, like the carnation in the vase. She was apologising now, and he gave a painful swallow, shaking his head. “Don’t. I’m sorry –” he interjected. “I didn’t mean for things to go that way. I shouldn’t have tried to make you stay.” He wished he hadn’t, now: maybe things would have happened differently. Irene would have said what she wanted to say, mightn’t have left him that letter, he mightn’t have gone to hers, and when she left the workshop that day, he would have seen the flowers on the windowsill, and everything might have been fine.

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"I didn't know what to do and I panicked, I really hadn't meant to interrupt," and likely overreacted, but she was only human, and insecure and when she'd seen Irene looking at him like that, like the way she looked at him, it had been too much. Because Elias didn't know about how Irene had showed up on Daffy's doorstep, frantic, after the break-ins, looking for him. That rush of relief on her face when told he was alright. Elias had been clear that he didn’t feel that way about Irene and Daff believed him, even if, deep down, she feared him coming to the realization at some point that he might move past friendship with Irene and then she would have to let him go. Irene had been there first, for a long time, and as tough as it was, Daffy knew a relationship like that was invaluable. "I wasn't trying to listen, I just heard the tone and it sounded serious. I saw—" No, never mind that. "I should have just left in the first place." She absentmindedly ran the petals of the carnation in hand down her scar and back up.

That wasn't the only thing she had to be sorry for either and she had to get it out before she popped. That was just one more thing on top of everything else she'd done. "I didn't mean to worry you," It was hard for her to know she was the cause of any upset. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was struggling, that being in my own flat still terrifies me and I wasn't sleeping, it’s hard for me, being the cause of someone else’s distress." He'd been there without knowing it, held her tight and hadn’t pressed her with questions. He'd let her invade his space again and again, stay in the workshop as late as she dared, and during the day that was what she had needed. But short of her moving into his house and taking up permanent residence, at night she had been on her own. "You were already doing far more than you know."

As always, hindsight made things clearer and Daff knew she couldn’t hide things or try to deal with them on her own anymore. She wasn't alone anymore. She pushed on, afraid if she stopped she wouldn't say everything she meant to. "But If you want me to, I'll tell you about every headache, every bad day, every sleepless night." As she said it, Daff understood it might even be a relief to have someone to share it all with, even the bad stuff. Unloading everything on Zinnia hadn't been as bad as she thought. It was much easier to admit she needed him than to think of any alternative. "Everything; why I came to the workshop that day. Every good day, each success, all of it. It won't happen overnight, but I will try because I love you and if I'm going to share all of this with someone, I desperately want it to be you." It had all come out as a frantic sort of ramble, the product of having too much time to think about it all. She was flushed, breathless, and on the verge of tears now, but managed to rein it in a little.

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   Elias Grimstone

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Daffy had started talking, and it was all spilling out now and he might have interjected with questions or protests – what did you see? or please, stop or I know – but he couldn’t get the muscles in his mouth to move properly. He felt frozen there, like he had been yesterday, watching numbly as Daff, this time, unravelled in front of him.

There had been far more than the workshop incident bubbling beneath the surface, after all; a slow building tension that might have begin to cement into walls, if Daffy hadn’t decided to break them all down now. If you want me to, I’ll tell you everything – he found himself nodding at that in desperate relief, biting down on his lip and still unable to say anything.

A week ago, this would have been everything he wanted to hear. She was sorry about running away at the workshop, she’d panicked, he’d understood. She was sorry for not having told him how she really was. He understood that too. This was all he had been hoping for from Daffy, this was all he had needed, he wanted it to be her too. It should have made him felt better. It should have felt like abject relief. Today, somehow, it ruined him a little.

Because he had done her wrong without knowing it, and she shouldn’t be apologising for any of it, and the desperation leaking out of her last few sentences struck him harder than it should. Yesterday had already been too much to take; he could scarcely cope with seeing Daffy hurt because of him today. “Daff, please,” he said, face pale and tone faint, feeling himself close to crumpling at what a mess he had made of all this. You don’t have to say all this. He rubbed his face, dashed a little threatening moisture from his eyes. He wasn’t sure he had ever felt so exhausted or guilty or worried in his life. The two weeks without her had been unbearable; he wanted to reach out for her now, fold into her until this was a distant memory. But he ought to tell her what had happened first. He hardly knew how to, but he couldn’t have her apologising for all that when she had been... well within her rights to act as she had.

Elias buried his face in his hands for a moment to try and stave off the tears that were coming, the caving in that was overdue. “You don’t have to say all this. I –” he didn’t know how to finish that. I know. I feel the same way. I already chose you. I don’t deserve you.

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   Daffodil Grimstone

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The silence was deafening and she held her breath and the tears, watching him agonize over something. She couldn't quite read his expression, and worried she had said too much, or too little, too late? The way he trailed off left a lump in her throat and she couldn't even begin to imagine where it was leading. Had she messed up again? Was this the last straw? Had something else happened? Was he here to say goodbye and she'd just unloaded all of that on him unnecessarily? She had to stay grounded before she could work herself up into another tizzy. It wouldn't do either one of them any good if she spiraled too far.

Daff dug down deep, took a slow breath and set the carnation in her hands on her desk. Whatever it was he had to say, she could— and would handle it. Accept it. Steeling herself, she closed the distance between them, biting her lip, entirely unsure of what to say. He looked close to tears himself and it pained her to see him like this. Too much had happened over the last couple of weeks, she knew, but exactly what, she could only guess. Gently she placed her hands on his cheeks, expression soft, still a little hopeful. Words continued to fail her as she looked up at him, trying to read him, but all she could tell was that he needed a hug and some understanding.

Sighing softly, she moved in all of the way, wrapping her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. She squeezed him tightly, wishing she could simply absorb some of whatever it was that was bothering him, to take away the pain and make it better somehow, but she didn't know what it was. She still didn't know what to say, but maybe she'd already said too much. So until he was ready, she would just hold on and hope for the best.

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   Elias Grimstone

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He was still trying to collect himself enough to absorb the sentiment in what she’d said when Daffy held his face in her hands. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he ought to be the one comforting her – that had been what he was trying to do the whole time, hadn’t it? – and now here he was unable to handle himself, somehow.

How would she ever feel able to put her own worries on him if he couldn’t keep himself together? So he wanted to fight it, he really did – but as she wrapped her arms around him Elias felt it again, exhausted and overwhelmed. His arms tightened around her too, swaying into her and holding on for dear life. A sob was scratching somewhere in his chest, but he shoved it down as fervently as he could. “I missed you,” he confessed instead, with a faint, shaky sigh of almost-laughter; he had only realised just how much now that he was here again.

He’d shut his eyes for a moment or two to battle himself, but when he looked out from their embrace again, he caught sight of the carnations spilling everywhere. Pained as he felt, whatever else had happened, he had to smile at them, the way they burst with joy and beauty and colour and comfort and warmth. There was something good here; he felt at peace here too. “You don’t know how much I missed you,” he said again, more calmly, and loosened his arms around her a fraction, trying to convince himself to step back. “And I just – I just can’t lose you too.”

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   Daffodil Grimstone

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Oh, what a mess they were. Daff pressed her cheek against his chest, ducking her head under his chin in an effort to center them both. This was bigger than she realized and she was just trying to keep them afloat. The knot in her chest loosened a little when he'd said he'd missed her, but the storm was more tremulous than that.

In the quiet of their steady breathing, Daff felt better for having him here, even if they hadn't gotten much past their sorries. "I missed you too," She breathed out, loosening one arm to wave at the carnations that cascaded over the mantle before wrapping it back around him. "One for every time I thought about you," The charm had been a spur of the moment thing, but the visual was what she'd needed to keep going.

"I'm not going anywhere." She assured him with a soft smile, leaning back a little to look at him when he loosened his grip. She wasn't sure what he meant by too, but she wasn't going to push him. He would tell her when he wanted to, but the sentiment remained the same. This was still too fresh, too fragile, to tackle everything all at once. He had always been so patient with her, the least she could do was return the favor here. He wouldn't lose her, she was too in love, too willing to work it out as long as wanted her.

Daff had rushed through everything she'd wanted to say, all of the thoughts plaguing her daydreams, the things she couldn't put on paper, when she should have been paying closer attention to him. There was more on his mind than their disagreement, it felt heavier, but she didn't know what to do for him until he told her.

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   Elias Grimstone

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One for every time I thought about you. “I would have come to see you sooner,” Elias said, pained, because in spite of wanting to he’d let himself fall back on the excuse that she probably didn’t want to see him, and begrudged her for it. But she was sorry, and he was sorrier than he could say, and he didn’t want to dampen this now because of what had happened yesterday.

But he had to tell her sometime, had to hope that it wouldn’t make her walk away. It didn’t change anything – it shouldn’t change anything – but he was still inexplicably worried it would. Elias let go of her completely, and took a step away, glancing around the room as if he might pick somewhere to sit, but finding he was too restless to try.

He looked out of the window, exhaled a heavy breath, and looked back at her in anguish, willing her to be patient with him, to listen long enough to let him explain. “I – I saw Irene.” This whole topic was like pulling teeth, but he had to get it over with. “But she’s leaving. She’s left, she’s gone. It’s my fault.” He meant it as an explanation, not an excuse or an accusation. And maybe it was for the best Irene had left – there really was no other way for either of them – and she had been suffering long enough, but on his side it had all fallen apart so suddenly that he didn’t know what to do with it.

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Daff could understand the distance, there was no way to hold it against him; how unfair would that be? A lot had happened, more than she knew, though was soon to find out. As he stepped away, she watched him carefully, hands pressed to her ribs, afraid to breathe and shatter the ground they had covered in the last few minutes.

He looked exhausted and somehow broken and she desperately wanted to reach out to him, to tell him this worked both ways. She wanted him to tell her everything, too, they were in this together, but there was something too delicate about the air between them that had her biting her lip, waiting to hear what he had to say. She needed to do a better job of listening instead of rambling, instead of getting caught up in her own thoughts.

Irene.

Of course. This was the too he'd mentioned. But that she had left and Elias looked as though he had lost her somehow threw Daff off kilter. "It's my fault, isn't it?" She managed in a whisper, tears springing to the corners of her eyes once more, seeing the pain in his, and knowing she had to be to blame. The last thing she had ever wanted was to come between them, that precious friendship that he clearly cared a great deal about. Those sorts of relationships were invaluable, necessary, and she'd somehow ruined it for them. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

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This was what he’d almost known she would say, and think, and it was why he hadn’t wanted to tell her, because it wasn’t true. “No,” he protested, hating that this was just a terrible way of passing on all his hurt to someone else, someone who hadn’t had the slightest thing to do with it, not intentionally, not knowingly –

He was drawn back towards her before he could help himself, careening back the few paces he had moved to press his hand to her shoulder, clutching her there as the rue wrote itself all over his face. “No, Daff. It’s mine. You were right, you were – right about everything, and she didn’t say, and I didn’t see...”

He glanced at the ceiling, wishing he hadn’t let this get so far. He could have figured it out, couldn’t he, if he had really tried? If he had just stopped to wonder what Daffy had seen months before, or why Irene had stuck around so long. “That day in the workshop, she told me she was leaving. So – after – I went to say goodbye, and she’d written me a letter, and told me how she felt, and I’ve been hurting her all this time and –” his face crumpled again; he put a hand to his temples, too afraid to look at Daffy right now, “and I’ll never see her again, and now – now I’m hurting you as well.” How could he not be? How could she have wanted to hear this, that that faint fear of hers had come true?

“I don’t want to ruin this,” he said, desperately. He had ruined everything else well enough already. “I didn’t want to lie to you.”

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Daff had cut herself off because she didn't know how to finish the statement. She hadn't what? She truly hadn't meant to come between them, didn't want Irene to leave. But... she couldn't be sorry for falling in love with him, couldn't bring herself to regret that in the slightest. So what, then, was this feeling suffocating her and leaving her speechless?

Nothing he said was making her feel any better and the misery settled into her chest, curling its roots in deep, taking up residence whether she wanted it to or not. The look on his face physically pained her and even the hand on her shoulder hurt, a sharp reminder of the pain caused elsewhere. He wasn't blaming her, but she would always blame herself, there would always be that shadow hovering on the edges and Daff didn't how to handle it.

She swallowed hard, wondering if she would have been better off left in the dark. But then he would be dealing with it on his own and she knew that would be worse somehow. Daff hadn't wanted to be right about this, had hoped at least in the beginning she'd been reading too far into the situation and now things were shattered and she knew she couldn't fix them.

A few tears escaped down her cheeks and she quickly swiped them away, taking a deep breath. "You can," Merlin she didn't want to say the words, but knew she had to. "You could follow her, if you want to." Daff could do that, could let him go, if that was what he needed to do. It felt like twisting a knife into her own heart, but better hers than his. It had to be better than this.

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   Elias Grimstone

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He shouldn’t have told her. He shouldn’t, because there was no way to stop the crushed look on her face from being emblazoned in his head forever, indelibly. It was a hollowing thing, to recollect all the ways he’d hurt the people he loved best, to see things etched on their faces that they couldn’t hide and he couldn’t help. He felt as though he had broken two people’s hearts in two days, and if – well, if Daffy ended things here, then it would be three.

She was crying again, and Elias was close to crying too, and the past two days had been almost too much, like he was breaking at the bough. She’d given him permission to go, and he felt it splintering.

“No,” he said, with a newfound surge of calmness, an urge to fight before the fall. “That’s not what I wanted. I already told her that. I’m in love with you,” Elias protested, cupping her face in his hands to dissuade her from looking away. “And I hope you can forgive me, because I want it to be you. I want it to always be you.” Everything Daff had said, about every bad day, about sharing the burdens. If that was what they were doing here, sharing the worst, then he hoped to Merlin it hadn’t changed her mind, because he didn’t know what he’d do without her.

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   Daffodil Grimstone

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Daff was looking at the floor, trying to steel herself for the possibility he might take the offer and go. She meant it; if it would fix things for him, she could handle it. She had to hope it would be enough, that maybe things would settle and they could figure it out after that. However that didn't mean it wasn't tearing her apart inside. As willing as she was to let him go, it would leave a gaping hole.

Then she felt his hands on her face and she had no choice but to look at him through the tears. It took a moment for what he said to sink in, the certainty in his voice, calm and reassuring, for her to finally breathe again. While Daff hadn't known what to expect, the relief at his words overwhelmed her and she broke down completely, hands gripping his arms tightly.

It was all one unfortunate mess. Nobody's feelings could be helped. It just happened that with three there would always be someone stuck in the middle; she hated that Elias had to be the one taking the hits from both sides, however unintentional they were. It left somebody on the outside too. Daff didn't know if she could or would have done anything differently and it was miserable to know that somebody would be brokenhearted, but she knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, that they would be alright.

Trying to collect herself, she finally found some air, "There's nothing to forgive," she managed through the catch in her breath. "We can't rewrite what's happened, but it's nobody's fault, not really." Daff couldn't fault Irene for falling in love with him, just in the same way she didn't regret it for herself. It wasn't Elias' fault that he hadn't seen it either, it probably hadn't meant for him to be seen by that point. For some people, fate had a funny way of crossing paths, letting them overlap briefly, winding and twisting them close enough to touch, but never quite bringing them fully together. For them it would be different from here on out. "I'm in this, all of me, for the good, the bad, and everything in between. I have never loved anyone like I love you." It was intense and intentional and she felt it even when she wasn't thinking about it. Always, he'd said, and she knew it would be forever for her, too.

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   Elias Grimstone

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Daffy was breaking down, but somehow her grip on his arms was the thing grounding him now, the last bare thing keeping him together. She said there was nothing to forgive, but this didn’t feel fixed. But – if her hospital visit or the broken vase back at his workshop or Irene’s confession had finally shattered their peace, then at least the tension had finally broken with it, and now – now, maybe, they could start picking up the pieces.

The good, bad, everything in between. He had to smile at that, eyes crinkling in abject relief at her last sentence and the simple sureness of it. If everything else was still a mess, at least that felt clear for the both of them. If he had doubted before, he couldn’t any more. He breathed in the fresh scent of the carnations flooding the room again and remembered all the good again.

“Alright,” he said gently, to say that he would trust her on that – that there was nothing to forgive. No more looking back, then; what was done was done, and he would only look forwards from here on. He brushed some of the tears away from her cheek, but felt sapped of words to promise that by, onwards, so instead leant in to press a kiss softly to her mouth, too grateful yet to let her go.

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Daff blew out a long, slow breath, trying to get herself together a little bit. She'd rambled again, as always, but he was smiling now and at least they were both on the same page. They could start trying to move on, learn from what they'd been through and hopefully it would only makes things easier.

He didn't say much, just an alright, and she waited for more, but the only more that came was a soft kiss and that said enough. She sighed into it, hands sliding to his shoulders as she leaned toward him. The emotional upheaval was too much to really focus and she leaned back just a little to look up at him. "Alright," she echoed with a quiet chuckle.

"Will you stay for a while?" She half-meant a long while, she could use a good night's sleep, but thought that might be pushing it. There was a lot more they needed to talk about, but not tonight. Daff still wanted to explain the hospital and the sleep issues, but didn't have it in her right now. Right now she just wanted to put what they could behind them and maybe, just maybe things would be clearer.

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   Elias Grimstone

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