Some Rando: I relate to Belle because she loves to read books and loves people for their souls.
Monty: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.

Monty: I would do anything for you
Ishmael: Tell me my sense of fashion is better than yours
Monty: ... almost anything

Ishmael: On a scale from 1 to 10, you're a 9 and I'm the 1 you need
Monty: no wtf I'm a 10

Monty: [to Ishmael] Look in that mirror. I see a strong, confident, handsome man. Oh look, you're here too!

The following 1 user Likes Monty Morales's post:1 user Likes Monty Morales's post
   Elias Grimstone

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magic by mj

Tiberius: You know like - you ever burn ants? When we were kids?
Cash: No, that's horrifying.

  

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MJ made this!

Bella: [after leaving the hospital] You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.

  

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— MJ is MAGICAL —

#procrastination

Jude: Kieran, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.
Kieran: Ooh, someone’s in trouble. It’s me. I don’t know why I did that.

Any of Porphyria's unmarried friends: I'm having problems with a guy.
Porphyria: Like “his dead body won’t fit in your car” problems or “you like him” problems?
Friend: “I like him” problems.
Porphyria: Too bad, I would have actually helped you with the other one.

Ben: If I run and jump at Ari, he will almost definitely catch me.
Ben: *runs at Ari*
Ari: BEN NO I’M HOLDING COFFEE–
Ari: *drops the coffee to catch Ben*

*showing new friends around*
Calliope: Here is my wall of inspirational women.
Helga: Is that a picture of you?
Calliope: I'm big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Lorcan: If it’s a concussion, you have to keep Finnian conscious, okay? Ask him questions.
Maeve: What’s seven times seven?
Lorcan: Stuff he knows.

The following 8 users Like Elias Grimstone's post:8 users Like Elias Grimstone's post
   Aldous Crouch, Avril Lukeson, Cassius Lestrange, Cordelia Porter, Declan Wood, Elsie Kirke, Katherine Midford, Tilda MacFusty

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look ANOTHER beautiful bee!set <3

Miriam: It makes me suspect you're all starting to believe I have feelings. This is counter to my personal brand.

The following 1 user Likes Miriam Trelawney's post:1 user Likes Miriam Trelawney's post
   Elsie Kirke

inspired by Thom at the COB... if Leon were there.

Thom: that one?
August: Nope.
Thom: -points to a different deb- That one?
August: No.
Thom: Her?
August: Ehhhhh
Leon: Don't mind if I do! /skips off

The following 4 users Like Elsie Kirke's post:4 users Like Elsie Kirke's post
   Aldous Crouch, Declan Wood, Katherine Midford, Ophelia Devine

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MJ always makes her so pretty

This is just a huge dump of incorrect quotes. I was bored.

Ari: We're adults.
Bax: When did that happen?
Ben: And how do we make it stop?

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Bax: That's blackmail, that is. We could get into a lot of trouble for that...

Ben: Blackmail's such an ugly word... I prefer 'extortion.' The X makes it sound cool.

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@'Eavan MacKay': [to Amelia & Barnabas Skeeter] I understand that you guys have a love/hate relationship, but most people alternate between those emotions. They don't experience them at the same time.

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Eavan: You slept with Barney, didn't you?
Amelia: Are you insane?! Not even if the continuation of our kind depended on it would I be tempted to do something so awful!
Eavan: *raises eyebrows*
Amelia: ...Yes, I slept with Barney.

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In which I imagine Ari & Ben as a couple ranting to each other about their day.

Ari: You have to pick your battles.
Ben: I am! I'm picking all of them!

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Ben: [to Ari] Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk in again?

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Ari: [about Ben] He annoys me so much, I just want to kiss his stupid face.

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Yeah so MJ, now I need a thread with BenAri meeting for the first time.

Ari: First impressions are very important.
Ben: But you married me anyway.

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Ben: Let's go get a drink.
Garrett: Ben, it's eight o'clock in the morning...
Ben: Well, we'll get eggs too.

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Ben: Baxter, you've given me the courage to go back in there, confront my husband, and tell him he was right all along.

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Tilda: For future reference, the best surprise is one I know about five days in advance.

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Garrett: [to the GABB] Mates, I don't know how to say this, so I'll whisper it in Ben's ear and he'll blurt it out in astonishment.
Garrett: *whispering to Ben*
Ben: AURELIA IS PREGNANT?!

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The following 4 users Like Tilda MacFusty's post:4 users Like Tilda MacFusty's post
   Declan Wood, Elias Grimstone, Elsie Kirke, Eva Herondale

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#ProcrastinationStation

Art: What’s wrong with you?
Bella: Off the top of my head, I’d say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

[after a match of quidditch]
Jossima: Yeah. They very, very unfairly accused us of poisoning our rival team.
Carm: You got framed?
Jossima: No, we did poison the shit out of them. But they didn’t have any proof.

Phyri: What are you doing?
Don Juan: Catching Pokemon.
Phyri: We're in a museum.
Don Juan: Pokemon Gogh.

Richard: When are you next free?
Bella: Well I’m forever imprisoned in my own personal psychological hell so I am never truly “free” but I don’t have any plans Monday.
Richard: … Monday works.

Holly: You have no idea what I’m capable of!
Germander: Don’t take it personally, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.

#HowlersEdition

Dezzie: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous.
Dezzie: If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Declan: What if it bites me and it dies?
Art: Then you're poisonous. Merlin, Wood, learn to read.
Handsome: What if it bites itself and I die?
Munny: That's voodoo.
Tyb: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Dezzie: That's correlation, not causation.
Declan: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
Art: That's kinky.

The following 3 users Like Bella Scrimgeour's post:3 users Like Bella Scrimgeour's post
   Acacia Darlington, Cassius Lestrange, Elias Grimstone

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— MJ is MAGICAL —

Munny: Apparently 'spite' is not an 'appropriate answer' to "What motivates you?"

The following 2 users Like Mundungus MacFusty's post:2 users Like Mundungus MacFusty's post
   Acacia Darlington, Avril Lukeson

Febby, to Edric: I’m too tired to punch you. Bash your face up against my fist.

Kitty: Talk to her, that's what siblings do.
Handsome: Nope. I'm gonna wait 'till I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately.
Kitty: That's your plan for dealing with this?
Handsome: That's my plan for dealing with everything. I have seventy-seven arguments I'm going to win that way.

Bella: I’m playing a new game! It’s called “Every time I get depressed, I take a drink!”
Cora: That game exists. It’s called Alcoholism.

Ernie, about to lecture: Let me be straight with you about this.
Tristain: I’d rather you be gay with me.

Dionisia: What if I want to have sex before I get married?
Zelda, full of regrets: Well then…I guess you just have to be prepared to die.

The following 3 users Like Edric Umbridge's post:3 users Like Edric Umbridge's post
   Elsie Kirke, Katherine Midford, Roberto Devine

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— set by MJ! —

Domhnall: (With his foot stuck in a chair) You may be asking, 'Dom, how did you do this to yourself?'
Domhnall: (Slightly baffled and trying to get out) Well lads, Dom doesn’t know either.

Future!Sage: Murder is like potato chips: you can't stop with just one.

A spin off from brees :P

Ernie, trying to lecture: I would like your undivided attention, please!
Tristan, doing something else: you couldn't handle my undivided attention.

Aldous: Roman! It’s Ben, he’s back.
Roman: Thank Merlin he’s back alive, I’m gonna kill him!

The following 2 users Like Clara Ross's post:2 users Like Clara Ross's post
   Cassius Lestrange, Edric Umbridge

On my expectations for this next Febric thread:

Febby: The fog's reached High Street. Oh, and we're in the Daily Prophet, too.
Edric, still in the hospital: Fuck.
Febby: That's literally what everyone thinks we're doing.
Edric: [unknowingly holding her hand] At least we're proving them wrong?

The following 2 users Like Edric Umbridge's post:2 users Like Edric Umbridge's post
   Declan Wood, Elsie Kirke

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— set by MJ! —

Sarah: We’re here to say hello! It was Miriam’s idea.
Meer: It was not.
Sarah: It was Meer’s idea because she’s a kind and thoughtful person!
Meer: I am definitely not.

The following 3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Aldous Crouch, Declan Wood, Elias Grimstone

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MJ made this!

Leon: We're going to go downstairs and I'll help find you a hot chick who'll make you forget all about ol' what's-her-face.
August: It's not going to be another prostitute, is it?
Leon: I HAVE APOLOGIZED FOR THAT.
Leon Lupin

The following 3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Aldous Crouch, Declan Wood, Quincey Honeyduke

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MJ made this!

Bella: You need to take me out.
Richard: On a date? Or with the killing curse?
Bella: Surprise me.

Edric: I just feel as if I have a better understanding of this situation than all of you, so let’s just do as I say.
Tuni to Febby: Is he this bossy in bed?
Febby: If I’m lucky.
Tuni: You’re always lucky.

Sweetie: What makes you so sure?
Handsome: Because I’m the oldest, which means I’m always right.
Sweetie: No it doesn’t.
Handsome: It totally does.

Dionisia: I like my boys as I like my girls. That's it. That's the joke. I'm bisexual.

The following 1 user Likes Edric Umbridge's post:1 user Likes Edric Umbridge's post
   Quincey Honeyduke

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— set by MJ! —

Ben: I'll hold your wallet.
Art: Oh, I don't have a wallet. I have a plastic bag with my license and change in it.

August: Look, being friends with Leon is complicated. Because you want to change him so badly, but you can't. Because he'll just get worse.

The following 3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Aldous Crouch, Ophelia Devine, Quincey Honeyduke

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MJ made this!