Alright enough.

It would have to do, wouldn’t it? She couldn’t afford to not act as though she may or may not have killed someone the night before and hid his body and buried the evidence. And yet even through the process of steeling her resolve, she couldn’t help but catch his gaze and feel her cheeks warm underneath it. Even after seeing him in such a miserable state she was affected by his presence close to her. She lowered her eyes to his arms crossed over his chest, following the parallel lines that he’d made over his figure.

Just moments ago he’d been offering to envelop her in them, and she found herself wishing she hadn’t gone and vomited in front of him. Had she not, she might have been in his embrace right now. Thinking this only led her thoughts further to the month previously when she’d felt his hands on her.

Shame was the next to invade her senses, enough to jolt her out of the place her memory had taken her, and she inhaled sharply before flicking her gaze back up to his face. “I’ll be alright.” She was relieved to hear that her voice conveyed the confidence that, to the fullest extent, she most certainly did not feel. Then, “Will you?”

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He tried to imagine what he would do when he got home. Have a bath drawn, naturally. He'd speak through the door, refusing his valet's entry into his bedroom. He'd burn everything—his shoes, his shirt, his pants, his coat. He'd burn it all. He'd soak in the tub, probably for hours, until his fingertips were shriveled and the water was as cold as the winter air around him... and then what? Dry off and go to sleep? Pretend this never had happened? Try to go one day—one week?—without reaching out to her?

Raphael gave a noncommittal noise and nodded his head, avoiding eye contact.

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set by lady <3

She’d expected to hear an immediate, affirmative response from him. That she didn’t was startling, and she stared at him, dread slowly causing her shoulders to droop. She chewed on her lip, her own arms coming to cross over her chest. “I knew it,” Her thoughts were easily slipping in her fatigue, and her anxiety spiked to such heights that she could only turn on the spot and begin pacing. “I knew I would be dragging you into something too big, too dangerous — too damning.”

And of course he would begin to resent her for this, because who wouldn’t resent someone who had forced them into a situation that could potentially get them thrown into prison? Hand on her head as if that would quell the sudden onslaught of thoughts, Rowan shook her head, her feet taking her across the floor with even more vigor.

“What was I thinking coming here thinking I could do this by myself? I’ve put everyone I love in danger — ruined Grayson’s career before it even started!” She continued mumbling to herself like this, her panic climbing higher. There wasn’t a way out of this anymore. She would have to leave her family, leave Hogsmeade and modify her own memory, or perhaps hire someone to do it for her so she wouldn’t put anyone else in danger trying to dig further into this.

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His hands remained folded over his chest as he watched her pace the room. He couldn't envision this ending well, but it had to. He couldn't go to prison. He couldn't watch Rowan go to prison. Not when the asshole had touched her—drove her to tears. Had possibly assaulted her with more than just his fists. Raphael envisioned that he could get himself out of trouble if need be; his father held a very influential position, and with influence came the power to bury things. Rowan, though, didn't have those privileges, and Raphael wasn't sure if he had the power to extend them to her.

He finally stepped forward, following her as she paced the floor in circles. He reached out and hooked a hand around her elbow, pulling her to a halt in front of him. "It will be okay," he promised, his grip tightening on her. Anchoring himself to her. "We need to dispose of the body. We need a plan. We'll have to have a way to communicate if anyone finds out." He scanned his mind for all the charms and spells he knew, anything that they could use without being so obvious.

"I think.... There's an old spell. I read about it once. I'm not sure how dangerous it is, and it's permanent, but I think it could help us," he offered tentatively, tugging on her so she was facing him.

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set by lady <3

She hadn’t even detected his presence behind her until she was yanked backwards by a surprisingly strong entity (his hand), which in addition to putting a stop to her spiraling mutterings, had also managed to completely cut off her panic. She wanted to demand how he thought it would be okay with what they’d just done, but he continued and she found her speech even further stunted by the look in his eye. His expression had hardened, became more focused, and she nodded wordlessly.

“What - what spell?” she could only ask as she followed his lead to face him. Her lips pressed together apprehensively, wondering what kind of permanence this spell would involve.

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Raphael tried to think of how he'd explain it to her without her completely shutting it down. So you're never really going to be able to get rid of me this way—Oh Yaxley, everyone will be able to see so you'll need to keep it hidden—No, it's not obvious enough that anyone would know what it is. He'd been appalled when he'd read about the spell to begin with, wondering why anyone would ever tie themselves to another person so permanently and in such a foolproof manner, but now he understood.

"We'd cast it together, and it would leave a marking on our bodies. It's part of the spell to decide where, and I can't say how big or small it is—but that's beside the point. Supposedly when you press down directly on it, you can alert the other person. Spies used to use it to communicate, but the governments began to recognize the symbols and it became too dangerous to continue using." But for them? They could use them. Nobody would even begin to suspect that a British Ministry employee and Malfoy had ill intentions, especially if no one ever saw them both with it.

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set by lady <3

Together….a marking; so that would explain the permanence of it. And yet….Rowan wasn’t recoiling in horror at the idea of it. Surely it wasn’t the fact that they’d just hauled Walter’s impaled body off of the pipe and nearly vomited in unison; or that exhaustion was most certainly seeping into her ability to think properly; or that permanently tying herself in some way to Malfoy wasn’t the most outlandish thing that she’d done today.

The mention of spies caused her eyes to widen, and her expression spasmed in weary desperation. “Beside the point?” She echoed, not bothering to marvel that this was the aspect she was focusing on, and not the fact that she was actually considering this. “Malfoy, I’m a Ministry employee, I have to attend balls, how would I explain a permanent marking on my body to someone?” To her family, or to someone she was going — to be intimate with...

A blush bloomed across her cheeks as the memories from the last time they were together flooded her senses once more. Gritting her teeth, she gave herself a little shake and forced herself to focus on the version Malfoy in front of her, and not the one from last month.

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Heat rose on his cheek when she immediately shut him down. Of course it was ridiculous and impractical, but it might be there only way to communicate if something went wrong. He didn't want to admit—to himself, let alone her—that he needed that sort of security right now. "It wouldn't have to go on your arm," he insisted, his tone defensive. "You can have it somewhere most people wouldn't see. Your knee—or behind your ear. How often do you have examining your every inch?" His cheeks burned a little pinker, and he avoided eye contact.

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set by lady <3

His biting response would have been enough to trigger an immediate retort had she not seen where his mind went at the end. It didn't help that she knew hers had gone the exact same direction. Your knee, behind your ear. Suddenly she couldn’t banish the thought of him touching both of those places. Ridiculous in theory, but a shiver skittered across her skin and she forced herself to look at him. Seeing his attention otherwise averted, she huffed a sigh, a white puff of cloud billowing out in front of her.

Exhaustion, panic, delusion.

All things that should have contributed to her ultimate rejection of his proposition. The added cold that was constantly causing gooseflesh to prickle at her skin might have been the source of her sudden impatience to hurry this along. She couldn’t help but see how he was correct. This was absolute madness, but so was willingly climbing into his lap to let him snog her. So was showing up outside his bedroom covered in blood. So was letting him convince her to bring him along to hide a dead body.

What was one more act of insanity in the form of a permanent binding spell to cap off the night's events?

“Fine,” she finally burst out, the accumulation of her past dealings with the man in front of her finally coming to a head. For some reason she moved to roll her sleeves up to her elbows as if it involved burying yet another body. “What’s the spell?” And further more: “What do you need me to do?”

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He let out a deep breath, his eyes fluttering shut. He couldn't remember how difficult the spell was to cast, but that would be no matter. She excelled in magic where he struggled, and besides—they didn't have much of a choice. He found her gaze, her eyes red and glassy with tears both shed and unshed tonight. One step at a time, he told himself. Everything would be alright.

"We'll have to finish here first and go back to the cottage," he explained, his eyes darting over her shoulder to where the corpse lay a few yards from them, "It's in a book. It has all the steps. We'll get rid of..." He trailed off, not knowing what to say. The body? Him? The corpse? Maybe it was better not to acknowledge it at all. "Once we're done here we'll do it. I know you said we should leave separately, but together might be best."

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set by lady <3

Rowan didn’t need to turn around to see where his gaze had gone over her shoulder. Act of insanity number 394 of the night: being able to think of such intimate things as the feeling of his hand splayed across her back whilst there was a bloody corpse behind them, expiring as they spoke. Feeling the squelching grip of nausea clutch at her again, she could only swallow and nod silently.

In truth, she didn’t want to leave separately. There wasn’t any way she’d be able to leave here, go back home and somehow try and get rid of Grayson’s clothes right under his nose. Sleep tonight was going to be difficult, especially the thought of confronting trying to remember what had happened between her and Walter earlier in the night; and she was suddenly faced with the overwhelming urge to dive into Malfoy’s arms once more, as if that would draw a curtain over the nightmares that would plague her for the foreseeable future.

“Alright. We’ll do that. What you just said.” Her words came haltingly, like a clogged pipe sputtering to life. It was time to summon one last bout of iron-clad will in order to proceed; to turn around to face what was behind her: Walter’s blank gaze staring up at the dripping sky. But now facing the prone body just a few feet ahead of them, Rowan’s feet had grown roots with gravity beckoning her knees to buckle. “Malfoy.” She muttered, her voice surprisingly steady as she stared at the body. “I need you to push me forward.” She hoped that was enough, else he might need to drag her, and she wasn’t entirely positive he was going to be able to do that given his previous reaction. Merlin help them if he wasn’t able to start what they needed to finish.

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Raphael was too proud to admit it aloud, but their dynamic was all out of sorts. Usually she was the level-headed one, he had the temper, and he drove her mad while she sifted through that brain of hers to find what solutions her little Ministry job taught her. He was used to poking and prodding and bickering until they had no choice to get along. Now, though, it was him who had to be the steady hand, and it was all he could do to keep himself from spiraling into an existential panic.

He had to be strong—if not for her, than his own pride.

He stepped closer to her, sliding his arm around her until his hand came to rest on the small of her back. He pressed into the cheap fabric of her shirt, finding that, when faced with the enormity of their task, he couldn't even bring himself to consider what lie beneath it. What a terrible day it was.

"It'll be okay," he said, far calmer than he felt. It was a surprise he wasn't shaking. "We can do this. Together."

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set by lady <3