Basil snorted and Gus frowned as he stared at his fingers in his lap. So this was it. He hadn’t expected him to change his views, didn’t expect anything of him, not even a friendship in passing despite wanting one, but he did expect at least the human decency to not make a mockery of his emotions. It wasn’t as if one day he woke up and decided he had to fall in love with anyone! It just happened. He could feel his entire face flush as Basil tried to cover up the snort with a cough, as if he’d never seen that trick a hundred times over. He should have just stayed silent and left the professor wondering what had happened until he could remember for himself.

Then Basil was up and pacing the room. Gus flicked his eyes up to gage where he was at before he lowered his gaze back toward his hands. He pressed his fingers into his palm before he opened them back up, waiting for the man to say something. Was he going to say the same words he’d said some odd years ago? Probably. It seemed that Basil was just as close minded to certain topics now as he was at seventeen. A decade to prepare and Gus still had no rebuttals in his repertoire - he just felt what he felt and never thought anything of it. He’d always worn his heart on his sleeve. Even it was battered, beaten and abused from what it suffered over the years; mere consequences of falling in love as often as he did.

Finally Basil spoke and Gus couldn’t help but frown as he found the other looking anywhere but him. Gus deflated and sighed.
Was he disgusted now? There wasn’t a single bone in his body that wanted to rehash their fight, nor was there any breath in him that would be used to fight. He’d said what he’d said and he’d already apologized for it: the ultimatum, the harsh words, his reaction. As Basil turned back to him Gus straightened and held his breath, awaiting for the inevitable. What did he understand? The disgust? The fight and the way they’d treated each other? Surely he’d understand more once he could actually remember the words and emotions that had been thrust between them; it wasn’t pretty and some of the things Gus said still made him wince. If he could go back and console his past self he would - he just wished he could tell him all the heartbreak was worth it in the end.

He nodded. There were no right words to say. No questions to ask. Basil looked at him and Gus found himself straightening his back under his gaze. He could see the emotions flittering across his face although there wasn’t a single one he could put his finger on and name. Then he apologized. Gus opened his mouth and squeaked out a few sounds before he pursed his lips together - that had been certainly the last thing he’d expected. His eyes were wide as he followed the man’s hands running through his hair. He glanced down at his own hands in his lap.

“I forgave you a long time ago, Basil.” He licked his lips. “I mean, I started it. And I finished it. You wrote me letters. A lot of letters. I read every single one, but I didn’t bother to return any of them.” But it hadn’t been just Basil; Gus had wanted to wash his hands of London in general. He was embarrassed, sad and angry rolled into a seventeen year old boy who’d been trying to find his place in the world. He spent his entire time as a curse breaker throwing himself into situations that could be harmful or downright dangerous because what did he have to live for? He was never going to have a family and the person he’d been so desperately in love with had told him he didn’t have a heart. Adventurous, daft, headstrong, he’d done everything he wanted to do because he only had himself to think of. Fig had been so angry with him when he’d disappear off the grid for months at a time - he did have a family and of course he had a heart! He was incapable of not loving anyone he came across no matter how they treated him.

It had taken Gus a long time to recognize his selfish tendencies; he was working on those.

Finally, finally Gus let out a huff as he glanced up at Basil. “Do you… do you want to read them?” He offered softly. Of course he’d kept them. Although he wasn’t sure why.

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