Ben was painfully aware of how undignified this was, which only added insult to injury. He sniffled, then pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes as though he might be able to wring all the water out of them at once and save himself the embarrassment of having to wipe tears off the tops of his cheeks for the next several minutes.

"Sorry," he said hollowly, looking up and taking the drink Aldous had offered him. "I don't know why I thought telling you would help anything." He took in a deep, slightly shuddering breath, then knocked back the brandy in a single shot and deposited the empty glass on the side table, next to his other (almost entirely forgotten) drink. "I've just — I've been trying to make this work for so long. And it just hit me today that it isn't ever going to work. I'm just going to feel this way," he said, with a vague circular gesture over his chest, "...forever."