Odina was ready for several things. Even though she and Bear had seen the ugly sides of the other's anger, she had never truly feared for her safety. Unlike several men she had the misfortune of meeting in her wanderings, Bear had never physically or magically harmed her. He'd punched someone on her behalf after she'd crossed the wrong person, but he wasn't a monster. Her rational brain knew this, her memories knew this, but there was nothing rational about this moment. The one person with the power to ruin everything she'd worked to build in the last six years was sitting across from her as silent as the grave. If she knew anything, it was Beau silent was Beau dangerous.
"That's not fair!" The protest was out, but he carried on, his voice all rolling thunder and warning. "We were all leaving! The circus was over. What did you expect me to do? Was I supposed to beg and plead for you to stay with me because of the night we had? You're delusional if you think any night earns that response or that I'm so weak. I. Don't. Fucking. Beg." She couldn't keep from nearly yelling at him across the room. At the moment, the only thing she was depriving Toby of was a look at the ugliest side of his parents. Parents. Jesus, what a horrifying thought. How was her son more than rage and grinding teeth?
"My 'terms' are that my son isn't labeled as something less than perfect because a night together doesn't mean a wedding. And don't you dare try and make me a villain. I gave you freedom - freedom - Bear. If your ears still work, hear this: there wasn't another option." Odina was prepared to scream, to yell, to fight, but tearing up was never part of the plan. Fuck! How was she anger-tearing up?!
"What did you want me to do? Was I meant to hunt you down and tell you that a night neither of us planned ended with a child? What would be the plan then? I didn't want a husband or a child or a frontier fantasy. Either you want some sort of family I couldn't give you or you would want me to disappear. I made the choice that gave us both peace; you didn't have to choose and I wouldn't have to hide."
"So thank you," her voice caught in her throat, which only led to intense anger. "Thank you for not damning your wife, a person I actually respect, with a scandal. Very big of you, Bear. Thank you for not letting your pride hurt my child and yours."
Taking another hard swallow from the bottle of whiskey before slamming it down hard on the table between them, Dina was back on her feet. "Oh, fuck you, Bear. Congratulations, you know the truth. I have a son and now you get to be a martyr. You will get a son; you'll get your whole perfect family with Eva. You'll get all the warm, delightful feelings without the risk or the fear or the loneliness. Did it even occur to you that my Toby could complicate things for you and Eva? Did you think what it could do to Toby to have you around and then find himself replaced by a baby he doesn't know to worry about?"
"He doesn't need a father. All he needs is to know he is loved and he is so, very loved. I will not risk that for anything." Dina had run through a million scenarios, whatever Beau thought of her choices. She couldn't risk her son's heart or future; not for anything.
"That's not fair!" The protest was out, but he carried on, his voice all rolling thunder and warning. "We were all leaving! The circus was over. What did you expect me to do? Was I supposed to beg and plead for you to stay with me because of the night we had? You're delusional if you think any night earns that response or that I'm so weak. I. Don't. Fucking. Beg." She couldn't keep from nearly yelling at him across the room. At the moment, the only thing she was depriving Toby of was a look at the ugliest side of his parents. Parents. Jesus, what a horrifying thought. How was her son more than rage and grinding teeth?
"My 'terms' are that my son isn't labeled as something less than perfect because a night together doesn't mean a wedding. And don't you dare try and make me a villain. I gave you freedom - freedom - Bear. If your ears still work, hear this: there wasn't another option." Odina was prepared to scream, to yell, to fight, but tearing up was never part of the plan. Fuck! How was she anger-tearing up?!
"What did you want me to do? Was I meant to hunt you down and tell you that a night neither of us planned ended with a child? What would be the plan then? I didn't want a husband or a child or a frontier fantasy. Either you want some sort of family I couldn't give you or you would want me to disappear. I made the choice that gave us both peace; you didn't have to choose and I wouldn't have to hide."
"So thank you," her voice caught in her throat, which only led to intense anger. "Thank you for not damning your wife, a person I actually respect, with a scandal. Very big of you, Bear. Thank you for not letting your pride hurt my child and yours."
Taking another hard swallow from the bottle of whiskey before slamming it down hard on the table between them, Dina was back on her feet. "Oh, fuck you, Bear. Congratulations, you know the truth. I have a son and now you get to be a martyr. You will get a son; you'll get your whole perfect family with Eva. You'll get all the warm, delightful feelings without the risk or the fear or the loneliness. Did it even occur to you that my Toby could complicate things for you and Eva? Did you think what it could do to Toby to have you around and then find himself replaced by a baby he doesn't know to worry about?"
"He doesn't need a father. All he needs is to know he is loved and he is so, very loved. I will not risk that for anything." Dina had run through a million scenarios, whatever Beau thought of her choices. She couldn't risk her son's heart or future; not for anything.