"No, thank you."
Her refusal of food was abnormal, especially when paired with politeness. In all the time she'd been with Gideon, Billie had declined food on two occasions, and they'd both been when she had been ill. The current tightness and unease in her stomach made her want to retch.
"I..." She started to say again, but, for once, she was left speechless. Lips pursing, Billie scowled, but her gaze didn't meet Gideon's. The expression wasn't meant for him; she was frustrated with herself. She was supposed to be brave, and, right now, she felt anything but. She needed to get it over with, or she was going to burst, but it was the absolute last thing she wanted to do.
No matter what she decided, she was going to feel like she was pretending. She could never truly be a boy, not with the two X chromosomes she'd been cursed with. But could she truly be a girl either? When her heart ached at the thought of only being expected to marry and produce offspring? She just wanted to be Billie. She wanted to be fierce and brave. She wanted to roll about in the dirt and pretend to fight dragons. She wanted to help people by doing odd jobs and not have them turn up their nose at her because of her gender. As a boy, it was easier to achieve that. But she could be soft, too. She loved to collect flowers and talk gently to younger children when they were upset. She wanted to cuddle cats and dance until she grew dizzy.
She wanted to be both. She wanted to be neither.
She wanted--
"I...I don't want to choose."
She'd spent the week researching. Billie had spoken to as many people as she could and poured through so many books that Zach eventually shooed her out to play. Every dead end she found herself down had sent her mood spiraling. She had intended to speak to Gideon about it, but all she'd found was disappointment. Why would she want to share that?
"But I made a decision." Taking a shaky breath, she put the cat down upon the floor. It wasn't clear whether she was buying herself more time, or if she simply didn't want to drop him. Billie felt as if she just wanted to crumple to the floor. Her next words were small, deathly quiet, almost as if she thought that if she could barely hear them, they'd be less true. "I'll be a girl."
![[Image: gmun6e3.png]](https://i.ibb.co/HH4662t/gmun6e3.png)
MJ, yet again working her magic. <3 <3 Thank you
Her refusal of food was abnormal, especially when paired with politeness. In all the time she'd been with Gideon, Billie had declined food on two occasions, and they'd both been when she had been ill. The current tightness and unease in her stomach made her want to retch.
"I..." She started to say again, but, for once, she was left speechless. Lips pursing, Billie scowled, but her gaze didn't meet Gideon's. The expression wasn't meant for him; she was frustrated with herself. She was supposed to be brave, and, right now, she felt anything but. She needed to get it over with, or she was going to burst, but it was the absolute last thing she wanted to do.
No matter what she decided, she was going to feel like she was pretending. She could never truly be a boy, not with the two X chromosomes she'd been cursed with. But could she truly be a girl either? When her heart ached at the thought of only being expected to marry and produce offspring? She just wanted to be Billie. She wanted to be fierce and brave. She wanted to roll about in the dirt and pretend to fight dragons. She wanted to help people by doing odd jobs and not have them turn up their nose at her because of her gender. As a boy, it was easier to achieve that. But she could be soft, too. She loved to collect flowers and talk gently to younger children when they were upset. She wanted to cuddle cats and dance until she grew dizzy.
She wanted to be both. She wanted to be neither.
She wanted--
"I...I don't want to choose."
She'd spent the week researching. Billie had spoken to as many people as she could and poured through so many books that Zach eventually shooed her out to play. Every dead end she found herself down had sent her mood spiraling. She had intended to speak to Gideon about it, but all she'd found was disappointment. Why would she want to share that?
"But I made a decision." Taking a shaky breath, she put the cat down upon the floor. It wasn't clear whether she was buying herself more time, or if she simply didn't want to drop him. Billie felt as if she just wanted to crumple to the floor. Her next words were small, deathly quiet, almost as if she thought that if she could barely hear them, they'd be less true. "I'll be a girl."
The following 3 users Like Billie Farrow's post:
Cadawalader Selwyn, Fallon Gillespie, Hermia Bonaccord
Cadawalader Selwyn, Fallon Gillespie, Hermia Bonaccord
MJ, yet again working her magic. <3 <3 Thank you