Well sometimes you can't change and you can't choose
And sometimes it seems you gain less than you lose


She hadn't slept. Ben had undressed and laid in the bed they used to share, and Melody remained in a motionless heap on the sofa struggling to make sense of how she could have ruined them this completely. Well, she knew how she ruined them intimately — with two potions nevertheless. What she hadn't been able to comprehend was why. The marriage made at least some sense. She was a terrified, tipsy mess who's life was crumbling around her. At the time that decision seemed like the only lifeline, her only way to maintain some semblance of control over her life.

This decision, however, hadn't made sense in hindsight. Not after the card game. Not after she cried in his arms and they agreed to find some sort of normalcy. Her insane, selfish actions weren't made out of any love she held for him (did she even love him?) or because they weren't ready. No. Melody had intended to drink the potion because she, and she alone, didn't want a child. Not right now, and maybe not ever. What was worse was that desire ran so deep she hadn't wanted to consult Ben out of fear of what he would choose. Out of fear that she might actually have to go through with the pregnancy.

She didn't deserve him.

Melody laid in her heap for as long as possible until the urge to vomit became too strong to ignore. She pulled the pot stashed under the sofa for this revolting purpose out and heaved until any and every crumb remaining in her system had left her. Fuck. Melody despised being pregnant.