This was a bad time to have this conversation, but Theo didn’t know when he would find another moment for it, never mind a better one. They weren’t together – and they couldn’t be, so this wouldn’t change anything – but he hadn’t known how to put it into words when they had been together.
And he hadn’t known that Cash loved him back.
“Oh,” he said. Cash loved him. It was the first time someone had, like this. Theo swallowed, not sure how he had expected it to feel. He leant back and slung an arm across his face, to try to cover his expression. There was a sting of moisture at the corner of his eyes; he bit the inside of his cheek to quell it. He had already felt raw enough from this, raw and exposed, and in spite of the indignity of the circumstance there was still an awful thrum of want from the persistent touch across his thighs – and Cash was sorry, and loved him, and maybe was sorry for loving him – but at least Theo knew with better certainty that he hadn’t been hurting for so long over nothing. That at least it had meant something to them both.
So he let his arm fall and looked back at Cash, stumbling through the words. “So you – understand why I can’t let it be my fault if we –” get caught. “If you –” He couldn’t say it. If you die from the vow. if you get killed because of me.
And he hadn’t known that Cash loved him back.
“Oh,” he said. Cash loved him. It was the first time someone had, like this. Theo swallowed, not sure how he had expected it to feel. He leant back and slung an arm across his face, to try to cover his expression. There was a sting of moisture at the corner of his eyes; he bit the inside of his cheek to quell it. He had already felt raw enough from this, raw and exposed, and in spite of the indignity of the circumstance there was still an awful thrum of want from the persistent touch across his thighs – and Cash was sorry, and loved him, and maybe was sorry for loving him – but at least Theo knew with better certainty that he hadn’t been hurting for so long over nothing. That at least it had meant something to them both.
So he let his arm fall and looked back at Cash, stumbling through the words. “So you – understand why I can’t let it be my fault if we –” get caught. “If you –” He couldn’t say it. If you die from the vow. if you get killed because of me.
