Gus couldn’t help but watch him curiously. Had the roles been reversed and his own letters had gone unanswered, Gus probably wouldn’t have sent it either. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder about the thought process of writing it, and whether the other didn’t send it because he didn’t want to face himself, or if because he didn’t want to face the repercussions of his actions if this was the one letter that Gus decided to reply to. His mouth pressed into a thin line as he seemed to war with himself, but he didn’t press. There was no point, not really, when he was still trying to decide what in the world Basil Foxwood was doing in his home in the first place. At least he’d taken his hand and sat on the couch, although he was so far away that Gus hadn’t even felt it dip.
What he couldn’t hide was the snort and the way blue eyes narrowed. Had the circumstances been different and he hadn’t felt himself unraveling at the edges while trying to hold himself together, Gus may have laughed. Thrown his head back and laughed until his throat was raw, until the man before him was so unsure of Gus’ sanity that he might call the same clinic where his Mam resided to take him away, too. It wasn’t the worst option in the world. “Don’t think of me as naive enough to think you wrote me a love letter, Foxwood. You wouldn’t turn around after the conversation we had and suddenly decide to pen emotions you didn’t believe were possible.” He did his best to keep his voice even, to not show some of the bitterness he felt. Don’t believe are real, his mind supplied unhelpfully, even if there were parts of his brain that weren’t quite on board with the sentiment. His lips twisted into a wry smile as his eyes narrowed, appraising the man before him.
Basil was silent and Gus didn’t bother to shatter it. He wasn’t the one who came barging into someone’s life after months of radio silence with memories that were heartbreaking, confusing and hopeful rolled up in a giant ball, so it wasn’t his responsibility to get the ball rolling. Part of him still wanted to send him away, to tell him to shut the door and never come back because he absolutely could not go through getting over Basil again. Through his own accord or his heart disagreeing with his head, Gus managed not to yank his hand away from the brunette. In fact, he found his fingers gently enclosing around his hand to just… hold it. Didn’t entwine their fingers or squeeze his hand in encouragement, merely held it like he would anything that he didn’t want to fall from his grasp If this was the end of things, and he shuddered a quiet breath because it seemed like it was, then Gus wanted to get it all out in the open. No more questions, no more secrets, no more wondering how and why and if. He couldn’t stay in limbo forever; even if Basil didn’t agree, Gus deserved some form of happiness with someone, too.
Finally the other spoke, and Gus just looked at him, nodding as he began to explain — they hadn’t ever talked about this, and even now it was almost evident that Basil didn’t want to, but they were going to anyway. The fallout had been instantaneous and the results had been disastrous for both, although it seemed worse for Basil, the person who hadn’t thought feelings like this were real at all. Karma had been slapping him in the face, albeit maybe a bit too much. It broke the redhead’s heart to think about.
He waited for him to finish, and a surge of emotions rattled inside his chest. Anger, hurt, love, bitterness, but there wasn’t a single one Gus wanted to latch onto to throw back into Basil’s face. Blue eyes turned toward him, and he felt himself deflate. “.... I never did consider how much it affected you. Then or now.” Gus started quietly. “And seeing that… darling —” He let himself trail off as he looked at him, really looked at him. Tired and just beaten down from life. The brunette looked entirely how he felt. Gus squeezed his hand without thinking about it as he swallowed around a lump in his throat. “I don’t know how we got here either. Or know where everything went to shit.” He shrugged and turned his attention to their hands, where he loosened his grip.“And I’m sorry we’re here because it fucking sucks. I’m not angry with you,” Gus glanced at him from the corner of his eye before he found himself staring down at the fingers fidgeting with his own. “Not anymore, at least. But you Basil… are you still angry with me? Watching all that, you have every right to be.”
What he couldn’t hide was the snort and the way blue eyes narrowed. Had the circumstances been different and he hadn’t felt himself unraveling at the edges while trying to hold himself together, Gus may have laughed. Thrown his head back and laughed until his throat was raw, until the man before him was so unsure of Gus’ sanity that he might call the same clinic where his Mam resided to take him away, too. It wasn’t the worst option in the world. “Don’t think of me as naive enough to think you wrote me a love letter, Foxwood. You wouldn’t turn around after the conversation we had and suddenly decide to pen emotions you didn’t believe were possible.” He did his best to keep his voice even, to not show some of the bitterness he felt. Don’t believe are real, his mind supplied unhelpfully, even if there were parts of his brain that weren’t quite on board with the sentiment. His lips twisted into a wry smile as his eyes narrowed, appraising the man before him.
Basil was silent and Gus didn’t bother to shatter it. He wasn’t the one who came barging into someone’s life after months of radio silence with memories that were heartbreaking, confusing and hopeful rolled up in a giant ball, so it wasn’t his responsibility to get the ball rolling. Part of him still wanted to send him away, to tell him to shut the door and never come back because he absolutely could not go through getting over Basil again. Through his own accord or his heart disagreeing with his head, Gus managed not to yank his hand away from the brunette. In fact, he found his fingers gently enclosing around his hand to just… hold it. Didn’t entwine their fingers or squeeze his hand in encouragement, merely held it like he would anything that he didn’t want to fall from his grasp If this was the end of things, and he shuddered a quiet breath because it seemed like it was, then Gus wanted to get it all out in the open. No more questions, no more secrets, no more wondering how and why and if. He couldn’t stay in limbo forever; even if Basil didn’t agree, Gus deserved some form of happiness with someone, too.
Finally the other spoke, and Gus just looked at him, nodding as he began to explain — they hadn’t ever talked about this, and even now it was almost evident that Basil didn’t want to, but they were going to anyway. The fallout had been instantaneous and the results had been disastrous for both, although it seemed worse for Basil, the person who hadn’t thought feelings like this were real at all. Karma had been slapping him in the face, albeit maybe a bit too much. It broke the redhead’s heart to think about.
He waited for him to finish, and a surge of emotions rattled inside his chest. Anger, hurt, love, bitterness, but there wasn’t a single one Gus wanted to latch onto to throw back into Basil’s face. Blue eyes turned toward him, and he felt himself deflate. “.... I never did consider how much it affected you. Then or now.” Gus started quietly. “And seeing that… darling —” He let himself trail off as he looked at him, really looked at him. Tired and just beaten down from life. The brunette looked entirely how he felt. Gus squeezed his hand without thinking about it as he swallowed around a lump in his throat. “I don’t know how we got here either. Or know where everything went to shit.” He shrugged and turned his attention to their hands, where he loosened his grip.“And I’m sorry we’re here because it fucking sucks. I’m not angry with you,” Gus glanced at him from the corner of his eye before he found himself staring down at the fingers fidgeting with his own. “Not anymore, at least. But you Basil… are you still angry with me? Watching all that, you have every right to be.”
![[Image: UkiVTG8.png]](https://i.imgur.com/UkiVTG8.png)