At least he’d emphasized those three scary, but reassuring little words. But. I. Can’t. No matter how much Basil wanted to make his problems go away, make himself disappear, he wasn’t stupid enough to think that it actually worked like that. Removing himself entirely from any of his loved ones’ lives would only make them more upset, and taint whatever legacy he was trying desperately to leave for himself. If he wasn’t destined to leave children in this world - which day in and out it seemed more and more likely - then at least he wanted his work to speak for him. To advance the cause of science and magic! Offing himself certainly wouldn’t accomplish either of those things. So, trying to pull himself from the drowning depths of his own mind, the brunette raised his chain and sucked in a breath as he waited for Lissington to respond. When the other did, Basil was just.. confused. And angry, again. “Wait… what?” That wasn’t what he’d meant at all. How… how could Lissington get that from everything he’d just said? Basil made to step forward again but the other continued to shuffle away from him and that hurt more than anything the redhead might actually say. Rooting himself in place, Basil pinched his lips. “You’re right, it’s not about you!” He snapped. “That’s what I’ve been trying to say! None of this,” Basil let out an arm to swoop demonstratively. “Has ever been about you. That’s what you don’t get Gus!”
You’re …perfect. It’s me who’s— broken and unfair. Basil bit back the softening of his words, his temper taking precedence. Hell, things were so far gone now that he didn’t know what the point of fighting even was. But he’d be damned if he let Lissginton accuse him of not fighting for them. After everything he’d finally conceded, after turning his own world upside down and realizing everything he had, this was what the bloody redhead was fixated upon! His not wanting to be friends, in such simple terms. Now who was being selfish. (And self-pitying.) Basil sucked in a deep breath before responding.
“Look, Gus, I’m sorry that you feel this is your fault, or that it’s all about you - but can you just stop and look at this from my perceptive for a moment?” Basil felt his voice soften into a plea and he hated himself for it. “I finally admitted that I was wrong. I finally realize… that… that all along, it has always been you: in my brain, in my thoughts, in my dreams. You don’t understand how… how difficult all of this is for me! You might feel like this every day of your life, but I don’t! Frankly, I didn’t even think it was possible and here we are, almost a decade later, and I’m forced to face head on the very thing that has turned my life upside down, for the past twelve years! The thing that almost killed me!
You don’t know what it’s been like to carry this around. Not knowing, not understanding, being angry and resentful and scared! My brother, my family, would disown me if they ever knew and without them I don’t have anything to live for!” He stopped short, processing that statement himself. It was true. What did Basil have, if not them? The brunette squared his jaw. This was not the time or place to get into discussing his his vapors or will to live. Instead, he pressed on. “You can’t stand there and be angry at me for not wanting to be friends when all of this runs so much deeper than that! You know me, better than I probably know myself at this point. Do you actually think, pulling away will solve anything for us? It hasn’t in the past, so why should it now?”
Perhaps a little bit too far to push the boundary, considering Lissington was already walking away from him, but Basil was seething. He knew, the minute Lissington showed his big head on this spot tonight, that everything would come crumbling down. He’d already seen them splintering, cracking, the chasm from twelve years ago expanding ever larger despite his best efforts. Honesty was never a good policy! Why couldn’t they both have just kept their traps shut. Things had finally been going well for them.
As Basil stared icily at the other’s retreating back, he snarled. “If you want to pull away fine, but don’t blame me for it! I’m not the one closing the door on your way out!”
Why isn’t this enough for you?
Gus Lissington & this theme song