Alfred felt suitably chastised by everything she'd said but particularly by the last line, because it was true — he was drunk, and he knew the stakes, and those stakes were exactly why he'd had to be drunk to even think of this scheme in the first place.

"But nothing happened," he protested weakly, already knowing that it did not particularly matter, at least not at the moment.

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

"Fine," she said, because she believed that Alfred was telling the truth for two simple reasons. The first was that she did genuinely trust him; the second was that if he was going to lie to her he presumably would have come up with a better excuse. She found herself wishing, again, that no one had brought this up to her again, or better yet that they'd found a way to talk about something else several minutes ago. "Fine, nothing happened, are you happy now?"

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AMAZING set by MJ

Alfred said nothing for a moment. It wasn't a real question, and didn't require an answer. Obviously he wasn't happy. This was nothing like how he'd hoped the evening would go, when he'd decided it would be a good idea to break into the Fisk garden in the middle of the night and force Zelda to talk to him.

"Zelda..." he said after a moment, reaching for her hand.

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Zelda was a tactile person; this had once gotten her into trouble, and was also why her current situation had her feeling so lonely. So even if she was mad - although it was hard for her to pinpoint where in the whole story she had become so frustrated with him - she took Alfred's hand and sighed at him.

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AMAZING set by MJ

Her accepting his hand was as good of an invitation as he would get, and Alfred seized on in. He took a step towards her, still holding her hand, and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. He pulled Zelda in against his chest and tucked his chin against her shoulder. (This was what one couldn't do in a letter; was this what had been missing all along?)

"I'm sorry," he said after a moment. "I'm sorry we don't get to do anything anymore. I'm sorry you haven't gotten to see all my tattoos." It was ridiculous that she hadn't, really. He'd wanted to show her the very first day he'd met her. The thought had occurred to him out of nowhere, like an impulse — in retrospect that's how he'd known he'd liked her right away. But he'd only been undressed around her once, just before the Voyager set sail, and they'd both been drunk and had their minds too much on each other's bodies to care about tattoos.

"I'm sorry about Jo," he continued, which was true. Not sorry for being friends with her, or even for almost-kissing her one time, over a year ago, when it shouldn't have mattered. He was sorry that things had come out like this and that Zelda had gotten such an awful impression of the pair of them. He was sorry that Jo kept saying things that were hurtful, even if she didn't realize it (he was sure she didn't, and could not judge her too harshly when he had just delivered the most inelegant explanation of their escapades possibly of all time).

Alfred stopped for a moment, holding her. After a pause he added a little reluctantly, "I'm sorry for being drunk."

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Being held neutralized much of her outrage; she focused on the weight of his arm around her shoulders, and the warmth of his chin tucked against her, and felt steadier. Maybe he'd had a point, about the letters - it was hard to feel pent up in her room and stuck in her house and handle things the way she wanted to, especially when it felt as if everyone else was just cavorting around as they pleased all the time.

"I missed you," she admitted, "This past week. But you really shouldn't come here drunk." It was risky, and not in the delicate way they managed a lot of their risk, recently - it was risky and it was careless and Zelda was drunk so rarely that she supposed her patience for drunk people was not exceptionally high, in the meantime.

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AMAZING set by MJ

She had a point, and one he certainly couldn't argue with. "Yeah," he admitted, a little sheepishly. "Noted."

It would have been easier if her family had let him pay calls during the day, or given him even two minutes of privacy with her from time to time when they were out at various events. Aside from the stolen moments at Christmas, which he had worked very hard to get and had to be done entirely in secrecy, the most they were ever allowed to talk to each other was the time they spent on the dance floor together. Dance floors conversations were hardly real conversation, though; it was probably the least private place in a party, and they were never more than arm's length away from someone who might overhear.

"I missed you, too," he said quietly. "I sort of hate this."

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

She'd been snappy with him when he wrote it in his letter, but internally Zelda had to admit: things had been easier when they weren't courting. And she had decided this for them, had come up with the whole scheme to trick her family into allowing them to court, continued to refuse to elope because she could not lose her siblings, either. (Could not, despite their problems, do that to Xena with her sister's wedding coming up.)

"I wish things were easier," she said, because if acting almost exactly the way she was supposed to wasn't helping her, then - well, what would? Her entire life Zelda was convinced that her family didn't understand her, and nothing over the past several months had convinced her otherwise. They were never going to think that Zelda was anything other than their baby sister, that she was impulsive and a flight risk, and maybe she was.

(Did Alfred understand her? She liked to think so, even though the last week had been so difficult - usually he was good at meeting her exactly where she was, even if he sometimes showed up in her garden when she wasn't ready to see him.)

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AMAZING set by MJ

A thought occurred to Alfred, a collection of words that made it all the way to his mouth before he bit his tongue to hold them back. He was not quite drunk enough to say it, and was frankly surprised that he'd even thought it. As he held her in the dark, cold garden, though, he felt it: I don't think I can do this much longer.

It was the opposite of what he'd told her at Christmas, but things had been different at Christmas. At Christmas he'd had her in his arms and he'd felt, and really believed, that he could survive this forever if it meant eventually making it through to the other side and having all the time in the world with her as his wife. Two months had passed since then, however, and he didn't think he was any closer. Her family seemed to still be hoping he might quietly disappear the next time he went out to sea (which, frankly, he might — it was always possible, and then he would have gone through all of this without getting a chance to marry her at all). He'd seen her exactly once since Christmas, aside from tonight. They were trading snippy letters, both of them were restless, they never had a chance to talk, and he absolutely could not show up in her garden in the middle of the night again. And Evander was getting married, Evander was engaged, and despite his best efforts, Alfred was not.

He felt it, but he didn't know what would happen if he said it out loud — didn't know what it would mean. Instead, he kept holding her, glad that she couldn't see his face from this position and so wouldn't notice if his expression had changed. "Yeah," he said softly. "Me, too."

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

The longer he held her, the steadier Zelda felt - less like she wanted to yell at him, more like she wanted him here, in her garden, even if it was risky. She tucked her arms around him and wished, not for the first time, that they had more time. They were stretching things already, but Zelda had spent so much time yelling at him and trying not to be angry that she was starting to feel guilty.

She was cold and she still felt hurt and Jo had seen his tattoos, but at least he was here, with his head tucked against her shoulder. Zelda closed her eyes. She just needed a little more time.

"Kiss me," she said.

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AMAZING set by MJ

Alfred didn't know what to do with this feeling, but now that it had settled on him he was having trouble shaking it. It wasn't like he wanted to stop. Having a chance to talk with her once or twice a month, even superficially, was better than not seeing her at all. This was better than nothing, but it wasn't good. It wasn't what he wanted, and it obviously wasn't what she wanted, either. They'd known it would be difficult, but it had seemed like a necessary evil — one unpleasant step on the road to a much happier future. Now that future seemed... not unreachable, not exactly, not yet, but more distant than he'd wanted it to be. Evander was engaged. Evander had started courting the same month that they had, and Evander had gotten engaged at the beginning of the year. So they'd already gone through a complete courtship, the two of them (Evander was many things but hasty was not one of them; the fact that he had proposed meant, in Alfred's mind, that this was really the far end of what society would consider an acceptable courtship window), and there was no indication that her father had even considered changing his mind.

Over Christmas she'd agreed to nudge them in the right direction, if it came down to it and they still weren't amenable. Alfred wasn't sure she really would, though, because Zelda was attached to her family and was apparently willing to put up with a good deal of bullshit for their sake. He wasn't sure she would ever think the time was right to nudge them — but he could hardly come right out and ask her.

So where did that leave him? Just unsatisfied, that was all. There was nothing to do about it. No reason to say it. He had no route forward and refused to take a step back, so he was stuck here. But Merlin, he hated it. He wished things could go back to the way they'd been before they'd been courting. He wished things could be easy again.

He smiled at her request, his cheek brushing up against her hair. That was a vestige of when things had been easier.

He let go of her hand so that he could take her face between both of his and kissed her deeply.

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Zelda grabbed onto the lapels of Alfred's coat with her newly-freed hands, trying to tug him closer, lengthen the kiss. This was why, she thought, showing up in someone's garden was supposed to be romantic - once they were kissing, the fear of being caught was sort of tantalizing, like the risk made just kissing feel better than it would have otherwise.

When she had fallen into bed with him, three years ago - she would have thought this was romantic. When Zelda was younger, she thought that she could get away with anything, with everything - now she was old enough to know that wasn't possible. Things were complicated, she had essentially played a game of chicken with her family that ended in their courting. She had wanted to be an animagus, that spring, had never really tried. Her boss was, she was certain, didn't like he Dionisia's son wasn't Ari's, he was someone else's, and she had told the real father. People were married and they didn't love each other or even like each other, Xena was marrying someone she certainly didn't love, and Zelda stayed as inside the lines as she could. The risk was too high.

She wanted to feel like that again - like she could get away with anything.

"I think about this all the time," Zelda said when the kiss was done, propelled by the memory of that feeling, like she could do anything. She leaned up to kiss the point where Alfred's jaw met his neck. "All the time."

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AMAZING set by MJ

The feeling didn't go away, but Alfred let go of it while he was kissing her. He let go of all his thoughts, just to focus on this: on her, on the way she tasted and felt and smelled. He missed her. Moments like this reminded him how much. When they were done his head was spinning slightly; he was a little lightheaded, exhilarated. He needed a moment to reorient himself to reality, but then before he could manage any sort of grounding whatsoever she was kissing his neck and that only made it worse. He was a little weak in the knees. They were alone in her garden, and it was dark and cold and no one was looking at them. He was drunk, and his self control was nowhere near where it should have been.

"Me too," he admitted a little breathlessly. He let his hands move from the sides of her face to her shoulders, then hovered for a moment wondering if he might move them lower. He should not — this was too risky, he'd already been here too long, and if anyone caught them in the garden like this it would really sound a death toll for any hopes he had of ever marrying her. He shouldn't, but —

Alfred leaned in to kiss her neck, too, and slipped one hand inside of her coat.

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Normally, there were several more layers between Zelda's coat and her skin - but right now, she was just wearing her nightgown, and the thin fabric was all that separated Alfred's hand from her skin. Between the touch and the kiss to her neck, a gasp escaped Zelda's mouth entirely unbidden.

It was not as if she didn't know she should put a stop to this - she should have ended things and headed back upstairs as soon as their kiss was over, because they were actually fine now, they'd talked about things, they knew it was hard for them both. But -

Zelda tugged on Alfred's coat, walking them backwards, further into the darkness of the garden and away from the back door. Her back pressed against the shrubbery on the Fisk-house side of the fence.

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   J. Alfred Darrow

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AMAZING set by MJ

Alfred followed where she led like a puppy on a leash, trying to stay close enough that he didn't have to take even a moment's break from kissing her, touching her. They should stop, he knew they should, but — this was fine, he tried to reason with himself. This was only kissing, it wasn't like anything was going to happen besides kissing.

Except something already was happening, besides kissing, because he already had his hand on her breast. The fabric that separated him from her was so thin he could feel every bit of her. He kissed her collarbone and moved his other hand inside her coat, hugging her hip. He wished they had somewhere they could go, because he wanted fewer layers now too — his trousers were, predictably, already uncomfortably tight and her hands on the lapels of his coat were fine but it would have been even nicer to have her hands on his chest — but he knew if they stopped one of them would come to their senses and say no, we can't, what were we thinking? and he desperately did not want to stop.

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

She knew this was a bad idea, was the thing - it was exactly the sort of thing she promised Ari she wouldn't do anymore, years ago. They were still at the point where it was barely more than kissing, really, it wasn't like she was undressed - never mind that Alfred's hand was on her hip - and there was a logical part of Zelda that knew they should probably stop. Because he was drunk and she was - not drunk, very sober, and she could not say she wasn't thinking because she was thinking about Alfred's hand on her breast and how close he was to bare skin.

A swooping feeling struck somewhere inside her, and Zelda moaned; she reached to tangle her fingers in Alfred's hair.

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AMAZING set by MJ