1859 | Jossima is born the fourth child to her parents, and, unfortunately, is no easier to handle than the four before her. While not rambunctious, she's rather fussy and demanding — especially of her mother's attention.

1861 | Favoretta, the firstborn child, going off to Hogwarts is a celebrated day within their family, but unfortunately not one that two-year-old (whose birthday was also being celebrated that day!) remembers.

1863 | Marmaduke is born — not that Jossima's paying attention at this point, either. Her lasting impression of the child is that he's the reason their mother isn't allowed to have any fun for a few months. She also somewhat blames the pregnancy/his birth on Errington's sudden leave for Hogwarts because #ChildLogic.

1864 | You know what's worse than a hyperactive five-year-old? A hyperactive five-year-old suffering from a magical bug who does nothing except complain all day. (Later in life, her adult self would agree that being put out of commissions is the worst.) Her parents are fortunate enough to procure the cure, which sees their daughter returning to her happy, bright self.

1865 | Did you know? Governesses are awful, and a nasty outburst during one of her lessons sees the resignation of the one overseeing the education of Jossima and her elder sister, Carmelina. She's "locked away in her room, just like a tower" (She's just told to go to her room.) as punishment, as her first sign of magic sees her float gracefully to the ground when she chucks herself out the window in a daring attempt to escape.

1866 | Carmelina goes off to Hogwarts, leaving Jossima all by herself. Whore. In her first act of rebellion (which also happens to be her first sign of magic!), Jossima steals a toy broomstick from Diagon Alley and zips off with it. Or at least it's zipping off for her, but it takes her approximately three minutes to be caught, and even then she shatters the thing trying to land. Her parents aren't happy, the store owner isn't happy, everyone is frowning — except Jossima, who just keeps nagging for another go.

1868 | Favoretta graduates and returns home, but she's never home. Husband-hunting? Booooring!

1870 | The summer before her eleventh birthday sees all sorts of exciting adventures! She: (1) gets to wander Diagon Alley for the first time since the Toy Broomstick Incident; (2) secures her wand, which is made of cypress; (3) purchases Mad Merlin, her beloved toad; and (3) meets some of her first school friends while shopping! She's sent off to Hogwarts on her birthday with a slice of her mother's homemade cake and is greeted with the Sorting Hat screeching "GRYFFINDOR!" from the top of its lungs(?). She plainly lays out her ambitions at the beginning of the year: she wants to play for the Holyhead Harpies. The Gryffindor Captain isn't very helpful with that goal when he just outright refuses to put her on the team her first year. Asshole!

1871 | At the beginning of the second year, Jossima marches onto the quidditch pitch for Gryffindor team tryouts, and to everyone's surprise, she actually makes the team — and as the seeker! It turns out Miss-Bouncing-Off-The-Wall has a very competitive side, and even learns a swear word or two she probably shouldn't know. (That she promptly uses when Gryffindor loses the house cup. Whoops.)

1872 | Third year sees the addition of two electives she didn't think would be dull: Ancient Runes and Care of Magical Creatures. The rising pressure to maintain good grades comes not from her desire to achieve her OWLs and NEWTs, but rather a desire to finish her Hogwarts quidditch career and join a real team. She decides to put in thirty minutes of extra studying time in the evening, which actually makes all the difference.

1875 | After a particularly rough year (hint: it's her fifth) at school, she's greeted with much relief when Gryffindor wins the house cup! Less relief comes in summer, when she's faced with very, very shitty OWL scores (compared to, say, Carmelina's) that leave most of the core classes as non-options. Luckily, she scrapes by with four classes for her NEWTs: Ancient Runes, Astronomy, Care of Magical Creatures, and Charms.

1876 | Her streak of poor, poor choices begins when, at the end of her sixth year, she shacks up with [insert name here] in a broom closet before a quidditch match and loses her virginity. The rest of the school year is characterized by constant swinging between guilt, a "fuck it" attitude, and them to a "should I fuck him again?" attitude. Luckily, she's sensible enough not to try again — at least, not while she's still at school.

1877 | Graduation comes without much ado, and it's even more boring because Gryffindor doesn't win the house cup. She's give the option to debut, but ew??? Why??? She has dreams, you know, and that dream comes true when she's offered a position on the Holyhead Harpies team as a second-string seeker. Her parents — along with other members of her family when schedules allow — come to watch her games, even when she's not the actual seeker on the field. She also becomes a "regular drinker" (see: alcoholic) for a short while, but that comes to a swift end after her mother finds her in a mildly-intoxicated state and threatens to end her career. And her life. But mostly her career, which is honestly a more frightening prospect.

1879 | Yessss, first string, baby! Jossima zips into action, refusing to let these things called "societal expectations" and "child, you should probably start looking for a husband soon" get in her way.

1880 | She sleeps with Arthur Pettigrew, which is only notable because I'm noting it and so I can answer the question of "uh, when did we say that happened?" before it actually comes up.

1883 | At the end of the season, the former captain leaves, and Jossima is appointed the captain of the team! Nobody can believe it — not even Jossima, who stands speechless for two minutes letting out a squeal and leaping into the air. This is also the moment she resigns to her impending spinsterdom completely, knowing that she couldn't be a proper wife (and definitely not a mother!) while captaining a quidditch team.

1884 | Plague. Fire. Hell. She wouldn't have had a reason to concern herself with it, but some of her friends are stuck in the quarantine zone. Rather than do anything productive to handle the situation, she sends "Please tell me you haven't died yet" letters to about ten people. She also groans in restlessness until she loses her voice. She even flies into a tree accidentally because she's distracted by her thoughts (though she doesn't tell anyone about that incident). At the end of the day, nobody she cares about dies. Good.

1886 | She hosts a "huzzah, bitches, I'm officially a spinster" party and invites literally anyone: (1) whose name she knows, and (2) who she knows won't judge/insult her for throwing that sort of party. It's very fun and she gets very drunk. She probably has sex, too, but she doesn't have any memories of that.

1888 | The quidditch season comes to a somber end, with Puddlemere pulling out the championship (#ew). While she's happy for her friends on the team who get to celebrate a victory, she saltily drinks her whiskey in the corner of the bar. The 1888 season brings a hopeful beginning (not that she'd ever give up anyways!).