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*February Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 5:01 PM

August 5th, 1888 - Umbridge Residence

You say what if I hurt you, what if I leave you
What if I find somebody else and I don't need you
What if this goes south, what if I mess you up
You say what if I break your heart in two then what?

What Ifs - Kane Brown

To say she was a giant ball of anticipation would have been an understatement. Usually the anticipation was good, that can't wait kind of waiting that dissipates as soon as you get what you wanted. This was dread. Pure and simple. She'd managed to put him off for a couple of days, enough time to give her time to really think this through and what her plan would be. It killed her, but she'd made up her mind. Now she just had to wait and make sure she was actually pregnant (though she highly doubted otherwise) and find the fortitude to follow through.

It was selfish and she hated herself for it, but she did want to see him. After going for a month without seeing him, a few days shouldn't have made a difference. However, that was when their time had been unlimited, so few restrictions on seeing one anther. It was before she knew that her time was limited and it was incredibly selfish, so she wanted to soak up as much time with him as she could.

She'd have to break the habit though, Febs realized that. Before she left with all that she had left of him, she'd have to break his heart and that was the worst part. That was months away though. Best as she could figure, she wouldn't start showing for a while and that gave her a bit of time to solidify her plans. Tonight however, she'd climbed down the tree outside her room before their arranged time (so he wasn't watching her and fretting the entire time) and pounced on him as soon as he'd arrived, truly happy to see him.

With no expectations for the evening, she found herself curled into him on the sofa, mind wandering, though she tried not to. Pulling out of her own thoughts, Febs reached for his hand to tangle her fingers with his. "I'm sorry I couldn't get out today." She said finally, looking up at him carefully.

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Edric Umbridge

*Edric Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 5:23 PM

Edric had been on edge over the past few days, but to attribute it all to Febs would have been a lie. Getting back into a proper work schedule and dealing with the day-to-day dealings of the auror department seemed like it would be easier than dealing with a fog-induced crisis, but it really wasn't. There was cases that'd been pushed aside when the fog came, and now was the time to solve them—and preferably before the public made a big deal about it.

That wasn't to say Febs wasn't bothering him. He must have received over a hundred or so letters from her over the past two months, and he knew the tone she usually wrote it. It was so recognizable, in fact, that he could read them in her voice. These last letter, though? They were...almost different. Not her.

His worries noticeably deflated when she'd pounced on him in the garden, as if it was some sort of affirmation that he was being stupid with all his worries. She still loved him; he likely shouldn't have jumped to the opposite conclusion, but his natural pessimism towards matters of romance continued placed doubts in his mind. He'd pushed those thoughts away and apparated home.

Now curled up on the couch, Edric was torn between his desire to just sit there with her—stroking her hand, pressing kisses to her temple every now and then, holding her—and actually talking. He didn't have to make that decision himself, though; Febs was the first to speak, an apology slipping from her lips.

"It's alright, lover," he said, his eyes dropping down to their entangled fingers. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Work's got me all worked up, I suppose; I've started looking for problems to solve where there weren't any to begin with," he admitted, his words leaving his lips in a chuckle.

— set by MJ! —

*February Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 5:45 PM

Damn, she had to up her acting game. If he could tell something was off in letters she was never going to be able to keep this to herself if he flat out asked her if something was wrong or had any suspicions. She could evade vague generalizations, but she knew if she was upset or tired enough, she'd spill. Funny how, despite the brevity of their relationship, he could read her so well. It was both endearing and frustrating all at the same time. Of course she'd always been the kind to wear her heart on her sleeve... until now.

"I'm fine, much better than I have been in a long while." At present that was only half-true, though on the outside it would have to be her all. She passed him her best reassuring smile, tilting her head up to press a kiss to his cheek before snuggling in again. "You'll work yourself into a tizzy that way." She chuckled. "I'm sure it'll all settle soon enough. You hardly had much time before the expedition to really get a feel for the new position." Febs reasoned. Clearly he was suited to the position, if they'd promoted him, he just needed to get into the swing of things.

*Edric Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 6:02 PM

Edric had always been a worrier, but there had been very few times he'd had someone to worry about. His father was the exception, and even then he was limited in what he could do; his father was an independent man who had little interest in seeing his only son fret over him (or seeing his only son at all, as Edric bitterly thought).

It might have been easier if he built his relationship with February Lynch in a way that was more socially-acceptable. Their intimacy, both physical and emotional, provided him comfort, but it also brought out a kind of vulnerability in him that he'd never experienced before: dependency. Because he loved her, and because he depended on her, Edric had opened up the can of worm she'd sealed shut since - well, childhood.

"Mmm, you're right," he said softly, reaching across to brush her hair out of her face. "It's what I've always wanted, but it came at the worst time. I suppose that's how it works, though; life never makes finding success and happiness easy. At least I wasn't blamed for the fog," he joked.

— set by MJ! —

*February Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 6:33 PM

It hadn't been intentional, she knew that, but his words knocked the breath from her. If only he knew just how true that was. Fighting the urge to physically react, she managed to hide the sudden jolt by adjusting her position next to him by draping her legs across his lap instead. The sinking feeling that she'd made the right decision in her little predicament was growing ever more apparent the more she learned of his job. How could she even take a chance it would ruin that?

"I don't really think anyone could be blamed for the fog itself." Well, maybe the idiots who'd broken into the tomb and the crazy ancient witch with all her curses, but mostly it had been a series of events that had led up to it, no one person. Thankfully it was all over, only to open up a completely new set of issues. "Now you just have every day crazies to deal with." She chuckled.

Closing her eyes, Febs rested her head against his shoulder and simply tried to stay in the moment. She just wanted to forget she'd lost her lifetime of this and that the future she faced now was entirely unknown, just for a few minutes. Merlin this was hard.

*Edric Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 8:33 PM

Caught up in his own mind about his job and his future, Edric paid little mind to her individual movements and expressions. He readjusted himself slightly so she could be more comfortable and then leaned his head back against the couch, his eyes gazing up at the ceiling. Everything was going to be alright; he knew that, no matter how hard his unfaltering anxiety about his self-worth tried to convince him otherwise. If he survived on the field for fourteen-or-so years, he could survive leading the office, right? He just needed a bit of time to adjust—and preferably without upsetting the Minister in the meantime. (Being reprimanded wasn't ideal for building confidence, he thought.)

"When the public can't find someone to blame for causing a problem, they'll blame someone for not fixing it," he said. With a deep sigh, he looked down at her, his face immediately breaking out into the smile. "I know, I know, it's the past. No need to worry about it anymore," he added, sliding her skirt up ever-so-slightly so he could rub her leg. "Besides, we have the future to look forward to, right?"

— set by MJ! —

*February Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 9:04 PM

It seemed that for a moment both of them were lost in their own thoughts, a comfortable silence between them. She'd miss this the most, she realized, feeling tears prickle at the corners of her eyes. She tried to will them away, but with the comment about future, she felt the knife twist deeper.

Febs could only nod along when he spoke next, unable to trust her voice for a moment until she got through the onslaught of heartbreak. Ducking her head , snuggling in, she blinked back the threatening tears. Even his hand on her leg couldn't distract her in the moment.

"Right." She managed quietly, hoping she sounded more tired than upset. The future was just as uncertain as it could be at this point. Everything they'd carefully crafted was gone, he just didn't know it yet and that nearly broke her.

*Edric Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 10:20 PM

She was...unusually silent. He'd dealt with silence between them before, but every time he brought up them—their future—she was usually all too willing to converse about it. He wasn't sure if, like him, she was pondering the possibilities or what. He repositioned himself just enough to move his head to where he could see her face, and -

She didn't look too good.

"Febby," he said concernedly, his brows furrowing as his eyes frantically scanned every inch of her face. He reached out and touched her cheek, all the while scanning every word he'd spoken since he arrived at her some, searching for anything that could have possibly upset her. "What's - Are you okay?"

— set by MJ! —

*February Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 10:36 PM

Shit. She sucked at this. Febs lacked the ability to keep things to herself, had always been an open book, perhaps too open where Edric was concerned. This had been her hesitation in coming, why she'd delayed a couple days in coming to see him, see knew she wouldn't be able to keep this to herself if he pressed her. There was no way she wouldn't crumble and that would ruin everything.

"I'm," Falling apart- almost positive I'm pregnant. The words were there on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't force them out, nor did she want to. "Fine, just tired. I'm sorry, I'm terrible company tonight." She covered his hand with hers and smiled at him, albeit a little sadly.

*Edric Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 10:51 PM

There was nothing that came to mind, at least in regards to what might make her upset. He'd come home, he'd invited her over, they'd had sex, and she'd gone home without any trouble. Had he done anything else? Said anything else? He didn't think so, at least nothing to make her like this.

"No, no," he said in a hushed voice, his gaze trailing away from hers as he tried to piece together what was wrong and what he could say. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pressured you to come. I just hadn't heard from you in a few days and the work day was long..." The words left his mouth in a ramble without a thought; it was something to say, something that would give him a chance to think without an awkward silence lingering in the air.

"Tell me what's wrong—you know you can trust me."

— set by MJ! —

*February Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 11:16 PM

Why was this so hard?

She could see him trying to work through it, even when he looked away. This was going to break both of them, she just knew it. "Hey," She said softly, finding a more confident tone to her voice. It was far easier to try and soothe his worry than her own. She reached out gently to lay her hand in his cheek and bring his gaze back to hers.

"Don't be sorry. I wanted to come, I want to be here. I just couldn't find a good time. We've both been busy. It's going to happen." As much as she wished she could just come home to him every day, right now that wasn't the case. It wouldn't ever be the case. This was all they'd have. What she wouldn't give for that not to be true.

Febs worried her bottom lip, trying not to let her resolve wither away. "I know, Love. Of course I trust you. There's nothing to worry about, I promise." She wasn't going to let it be his problem, she was going to handle this on her own as best she could.

*Edric Umbridge* · August 7, 2018 – 11:29 PM

With her glazed eyes and choppy explanation, Edric could not help but cast her a dubious look. If anything, her explanation made little sense; she was here, so why worry about the time they had? His February was full of giggles, and when she wasn't happy, she was either bawling her eyes out or punching him in the jaw. He didn't want to push her, but he knew that he'd spend the entire night worrying if she didn't tell him.

"You're here now. What's the problem, then? I don't - there's a piece of the puzzle I'm missing." It was a struggle not to sound accusatory; he didn't think she'd done anything wrong, per se. (Or, Merlin, maybe she had. Maybe she'd found someone else and was struggling to admit as such. Or maybe their night together wasn't as good for her as it'd been for him, and now she wanted to end it. Maybe she-)

Maybe he just needed to chill—but he didn't.

"You know me, just as I know you. You look like you're about to cry. You know I'll worry."

— set by MJ! —

*February Umbridge* · August 8, 2018 – 12:17 AM

Oh, Love, if you only knew.

How she wished she could blame her monthlies on her moodiness. If only. The tears welled up, before she could stop them. She knew he would worry, he worried about everything, but she didn't want him to have to worry about this. This had to be her burden to carry. It just had to be. He'd just essentially said he needed to be able to focus at work and she knew that wouldn't happen if she told him. She didn't even know for sure. And likely wouldn't for a couple more weeks. It was a lot riding on a feeling and being two weeks late.

"I can't-" Damn it. She could feel the panic rising. This was exactly what she'd wanted to avoid. "Please don't make me," She pleaded as she wiped furiously at a tear that escaped. "I can handle it." She had to, she just had to. And she had to do it on her own.

This was going to crash and burn a lot sooner than she was prepared for.

*Edric Umbridge* · August 8, 2018 – 12:30 AM

Well....He didn't know what he expected, but he hadn't expected her breathing to quicken, voice to rise, and eyes to water with tears. His shoulders dropped and he stared at her with wide, alarmed eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey," she soothed, wrapping his arms tighter around her as if it would keep her from falling into hysterics. "What is it? What can't you handle? Tell me, Febby."

— set by MJ! —

*February Umbridge* · August 8, 2018 – 12:40 AM

Febs knew he was just trying to be comforting, but that made it harder. "I can't tell you." It came out as choked sob. She realized she'd left that open last time and now she had to be very clear and extra careful about what she said next. She wanted to find the embrace comforting, oh how she wish it was, but she was antsy now. Febs worked best when she was moving, but she couldn't just jump up either.

She was stuck, so stuck.

"I can handle it." Febs put the emphasis on her ability to handle it, even if she had no idea if she could. It would happen out of necessity and nothing else. Her pure stubbornness would have to get her through. What else could she do but try to keep the hysterics to a minimum and try and make him believe her.

This was such a mess. She wasn't at all prepared for it. Febs had never felt so small or so young in her entire life, it was maddening and frustrating and she just wanted to not have to deal with it. That wasn't how life worked though, she'd made a choice and now she had to deal with the responsibility of the consequences. And she would do it without ruining his life in the process.

*Edric Umbridge* · August 8, 2018 – 12:48 AM

She may have been unwilling to tell him the truth, but with his mind was conjuring up every possibility, at least one of his conclusions must have been the right one. Naturally, however, the possibilities that found their way to the forefront of his mind were the ones that were the most harrowing—and the likeliest to cause him heartache.

"What is it, Febs?" he asked, clearly exasperated as he clutched her tighter. "Is there someone else? Another man?" That would be his luck, obviously—finally giving his heart to a woman only for her to toss it to the ground.

"Are you - are you leaving me? Have I wronged you? Tell me."

— set by MJ! —