It was a difficult line to walk, that of shame mixed with defending one’s view. He couldn’t tell which was stronger inside him, because although he would have never wanted to displease his mother so much, he couldn’t help the awful dread at thoughts of how trapped he might feel inside a boarding school. Worse was that he still didn’t see what was this awful about spending a day with his friends - sure, it might have been dangerous, but the truth is they would have never managed to go if they hadn’t run from the governess, so what other option was left on the table? None! Yet he could tell his mother didn’t understand, and tried not to sigh heavily - as he’d seen his father do - while waiting for her to continue.
Her last words made him shiver, shame still there but disappointment hitting him this time. It was at the thought he had worried mom, made her feel he might not be safe. He understood not caring about safety for itself was bad, but the feeling that his mom spent who knows how many minutes worried about him was what made him feel worse.
"I’m not foolish, mom." He lowered his head again, staring at the table for the purpose of this. Instead of harsh or rude, his tone was softer than it had been previously, almost shaky. It was the second time he couldn’t look at her. "I didn’t go anywhere you and father wouldn’t want me to go, and we entered enough stores there were people who knew of our presence." The last one made perfect sense to himself, though it wasn’t so mataure.
"But Abe and I had nothing to do inside his house and- right, we did, but it wasn’t… it wasn’t the same, alright? It’s not the same as going to the Diagon Alley and seeing our friends or- you know, everything we won’t be able to do because of a stupid school." He shook his head at the last two words, hating the lump on his throat. Worse was lingering tears threatening to fall, though he was determined not to let it. Boys didn’t cry, much like his father never did. "I’m sorry I’m scared. I’m sorry you didn’t raise your son to be foolish, but this was one of my last chance to have fun before… that… so I took it!" He inhaled as much air to his lungs as he could, it helped with the need to cry too.
Her last words made him shiver, shame still there but disappointment hitting him this time. It was at the thought he had worried mom, made her feel he might not be safe. He understood not caring about safety for itself was bad, but the feeling that his mom spent who knows how many minutes worried about him was what made him feel worse.
"I’m not foolish, mom." He lowered his head again, staring at the table for the purpose of this. Instead of harsh or rude, his tone was softer than it had been previously, almost shaky. It was the second time he couldn’t look at her. "I didn’t go anywhere you and father wouldn’t want me to go, and we entered enough stores there were people who knew of our presence." The last one made perfect sense to himself, though it wasn’t so mataure.
"But Abe and I had nothing to do inside his house and- right, we did, but it wasn’t… it wasn’t the same, alright? It’s not the same as going to the Diagon Alley and seeing our friends or- you know, everything we won’t be able to do because of a stupid school." He shook his head at the last two words, hating the lump on his throat. Worse was lingering tears threatening to fall, though he was determined not to let it. Boys didn’t cry, much like his father never did. "I’m sorry I’m scared. I’m sorry you didn’t raise your son to be foolish, but this was one of my last chance to have fun before… that… so I took it!" He inhaled as much air to his lungs as he could, it helped with the need to cry too.