Kieran watched Jude read the newspaper. Normally, this would have been a pretty boring endeavor - but with that front page, he couldn't resist. He knew, on every level, that there was no part of the article that would make Jude change his mind. The negatives of Kieran turning himself in outweighed the positives by miles; he knew that. And besides that -- despite not being one, Jude was Hufflepuff-loyal, the sort of person who would never betray or mistrust a friend. Or, in this case, allow a friend to engage in behavior that was so wildly self-destructive it would surely ruin more than one life.
So he couldn't turn himself in.
But he also couldn't not react to this, to news that was so similar to the news that had sent him spiraling.
Kieran almost never saw Jude speechless, and tilted his head at Jude, an almost-curious expression on his face. So that left it to Kieran to talk, again, and his tongue was heavy as lead in his mouth as he tried to come up with the words.
"If I get out," he said, with a gesture at the attic above them. He knew it was unlikely. There were magical precautions on a very secure level and besides that, on a very practical level, werewolves didn't have thumbs. But they were also clever, it was clever, he was clever - he had taken down a tree and tried to chew off his own ankle. It wanted to tear blood and flesh on a level that Kieran knew in his bones, even if he couldn't remember.
He studied Jude through this, trying to make the words come out of his suddenly-stubborn throat. That desire to self-destruct had abated, but the desire to do something had not. The thing was that there was nothing they could do.
"If it gets out," Kieran said, the separation making him a little more comfortable. He could do this. He tapped his fingertips against his thigh. "It'll probably come for you." That was just logic, the proximity, the werewolf would want the closest warm body. "Or it'll knock down the door." Knock down the door, ravage the building, kill Jude and everyone else. And then Kieran would wake up covered in other people's blood, and if the Werewolf Capture Unit caught him before he could take care of things himself, he would go to prison and so would Eileen. And he would have to live with it. He already had to live with Topaz, and with the threat of it. A few changed circumstances, and he was Ciaran Byrne, headed to Azkaban with the knowledge that he had ruined a child's life and committed murder even if it had not been a conscious choice.
And he knew that Jude lived with this knowledge, too - the knowledge that he could die, that others could die, that upstairs a creature thrashed itself against the walls in pursuit of prey. But.
It was different when the blood was on your own hands.
So he couldn't turn himself in.
But he also couldn't not react to this, to news that was so similar to the news that had sent him spiraling.
Kieran almost never saw Jude speechless, and tilted his head at Jude, an almost-curious expression on his face. So that left it to Kieran to talk, again, and his tongue was heavy as lead in his mouth as he tried to come up with the words.
"If I get out," he said, with a gesture at the attic above them. He knew it was unlikely. There were magical precautions on a very secure level and besides that, on a very practical level, werewolves didn't have thumbs. But they were also clever, it was clever, he was clever - he had taken down a tree and tried to chew off his own ankle. It wanted to tear blood and flesh on a level that Kieran knew in his bones, even if he couldn't remember.
He studied Jude through this, trying to make the words come out of his suddenly-stubborn throat. That desire to self-destruct had abated, but the desire to do something had not. The thing was that there was nothing they could do.
"If it gets out," Kieran said, the separation making him a little more comfortable. He could do this. He tapped his fingertips against his thigh. "It'll probably come for you." That was just logic, the proximity, the werewolf would want the closest warm body. "Or it'll knock down the door." Knock down the door, ravage the building, kill Jude and everyone else. And then Kieran would wake up covered in other people's blood, and if the Werewolf Capture Unit caught him before he could take care of things himself, he would go to prison and so would Eileen. And he would have to live with it. He already had to live with Topaz, and with the threat of it. A few changed circumstances, and he was Ciaran Byrne, headed to Azkaban with the knowledge that he had ruined a child's life and committed murder even if it had not been a conscious choice.
And he knew that Jude lived with this knowledge, too - the knowledge that he could die, that others could die, that upstairs a creature thrashed itself against the walls in pursuit of prey. But.
It was different when the blood was on your own hands.