The height difference between Richard and Ben Crouch was much more drastic, but her mind then went to how the height difference between Richard and Jamie was similarly drastic. Was it normal to have so many men on her mind while her lips were attached to just one of them? Did that make her a whore? Or was this just... confusion? Was it normal to be confused—conflicted even—while kissing a man for the first time? (She'd felt that way with Ben... which brought up another point: she didn't even like Ben anymore. He was just a point of comparison.)

So, yes, she decided, feeling conflicted while kissing a man was completely normal. Nothing to worry about... no possible regret down the line... yes, perfect. Richard was perfect. This kiss was perfect.

Except it wasn't, and she knew that deep down.

With a low whimper, Bella released her grip from around his neck and let gravity help her find her way back to the ground. She stared up at him with guilty eyes, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.

"Richard, I—" I don't want this, she'd almost said, but it wasn't the truth. She didn't know the truth; if she had, she would have either never kissed him or never pulled back from the kiss. "I-I don't know what I want right now. I'm confused and I'm worried and I don't know what the future holds," she rambled, her lip trembling as she tried to hold back tears of pure frustration. "I'm scared that if I jump too quickly, I might miss out on opportunities, but also that... if I don't jump quick enough, I'll lose what's in front of me," she admitted quietly, readjusting the sleeve of his shirt.

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