She swallowed thickly. There was no easy or kind response, nothing that would leave either of them feeling good about this interaction (if that was even at all possible). I miss you, and all its variations were selfish and cruel. And, admittedly, there was a small part of her that feared his reaction to such an admission. Would he listen? Or would he leave her as she left him?

She didn't dare look up at him, lest all the words she longed to say would come tumbling out in a jumbled mess of pleas and sobs. I can live without children — I can't live without you, Rosie thought to suddenly say. Her hands held the glass tighter, her knuckles turning white as she forcibly bit back her pleas. The time for such a realization was during the argument or in the days after, not now. Not after nearly a year of separation and painful cancelations of all their plans.

"I'll be okay, if you need to go," she eventually answered after a significant pause. Her voice was low — near a whisper, almost as if speaking the words any louder might shatter her illusion of being fine. She then continued, her voice only a fraction louder. "I mean - I'm not chasing you away. You're just - you don't have to stay if you don't want to."

---

  

Hearing his own phrase thrown back at him was jarring. Ezra didn't feel chased away, but it was hard to follow the flopping suggestions in her words to parse out what she actually wanted him to do. He could go if he needed to, she wasn't chasing him away, he didn't have to stay if he didn't want to. It wasn't so simple as what he wanted, though, because what he wanted depended on what she wanted, and he didn't know that she'd given him a clear signal on that. If she wanted to be left alone, he had no desire to force his company on her in spite of her growing discomfort. If she wanted him here...

She had to want him here, he thought, even if it was on some subconscious level. She had approached him, when she could just as easily have avoided him, so some part of her had wanted his company. At least, she had a few minutes ago — maybe actually talking to him had forced her to change her mind. But even if she had wanted his company once, and even if she still did, where did that leave them? He could stay, but to what end? They couldn't talk about anything that mattered. There was no desired outcome to push towards. Would staying just be prolonging an awkward and potentially painful interaction that would never go anywhere?

"I don't need to go," he eventually replied. He sidestepped the question of what he wanted. "I was probably going to leave soon, anyway."

---

  

---

Was Ezra as exhausted by tonight as she was? She hadn't seen him until stepping out onto the terrace, which meant he likely wasn't near the dance floor. There were plenty of other activities this evening though, between the boggarts and the jousting and whatever other insanities the hostess had planned. It was possible that they had simply missed one another throughout the evening. He didn't seem particularly merry, not like how he used to be in the early days of their courtship. He seemed off somehow, as though the Earth had shifted beneath his feet and he was still learning how to stand again.

Or, more likely, that was how she was feeling and how she wanted him to feel. Ezra was always so bright, he'd be involved in all of the merriment soon enough.

He had to be. It was the only way she could live with herself.

"Me too." Rosie agreed easily enough despite being at a complete loss for what else to say. She wished he would sit down so that the distance wouldn't feel so far, but that was another selfish want. And Rosie had used every ounce of her allotted selfishness in leaving him.

---

The following 1 user Likes Rosalie Hunniford's post:1 user Likes Rosalie Hunniford's post
   Ezra Applegate

---

stunning set by Lady <3

Ezra looked at her sideways for a second. He wouldn't have guessed that she was rushing for the door, based on what he'd seen of her so far at the party. She had danced, talked, had enough champagne that she was wobbly on her feet. She seemed like she ought to have been enjoying herself, at least if one took his behavior today as a point of comparison: lurking at the edges of the event and talking only to those few friends who sought him out, the stragglers he hadn't managed to alienate with his months of nonresponsiveness.

"Predictable, I guess," he said. "That neither of us would be keen on a Valentine's Day event." It was structured like a joke, but Ezra wasn't sure whether he'd meant it to be one or not. He'd lost the talent for making jokes during the weeks he'd been Under. Maybe his sense of humor would come back eventually.

---

  

---

"Ezra," Rosie breathed, though whether she meant it as a warning or a plea wasn't immediately clear. The comment was too sharp for a wound that remained so raw and jagged. Rosalie had once held such hope for this year's Valentine's day — her first as a married woman, likely heavily pregnant with their firstborn child as a result of their burning passion. The vision had been so clear last year as they snuck away from the party to enjoy what little time they could with one another. Rosie had even gone as far as to share her hopes with him between her breathy sighs.

What a difference a year made.

She stood then on legs that wobbled no less than they did five minutes ago and held every intention of muttering her goodbyes. This was too hard, too emotionally taxing to continue suffering through unnecessarily. The brisk farewell rose like acid in her throat. Unlike last year, when leaving felt like the only thing she could do, her body felt frozen in place. Almost as if things might be fixed if only they could navigate this conversation. Rosie had to leave, she knew it, but as she looked at him with nothing but hurt in her gaze, she couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"Please, don't." She softly pleaded instead.

---

  

---

stunning set by Lady <3

Rosalie saying his name was enough to grab his attention, forcing his eyes squarely onto her for the first time in several minutes, but it was the look on her face that really did it. He remembered that expression. He'd only seen it once before, but it had burned into his memory. Rosalie framed in the doorway of his study, with her mother at her elbow, the last time he would ever tell her I love you hanging in the air between them. Why would you do this to me? her eyes said. It occurred to him that he didn't know whether or not she had heard the last time he'd said I love you, or whether it had been mangled and maligned by the shadows, and the thought made him so suddenly and desperately lonely that he almost blurted it out right then. I loved you, I love you — you know that, don't you? I told you I loved you, did you hear it? Did you feel it? I loved you, I love you, I nearly died for the lack of you.

But what good would that do either of them, to say it?

"I have to g—" he blurted out, but had not even finished his harried sentence before the cup he had conjured for her suddenly crumpled in on itself, depositing what remained of the water all over the front of her dress. Ezra's eyes widened and he balled his hands into fists on either side of his temple, visibly mortified but unable to find the words to apologize.

---

  

---

The shock of cold water seeping through her dress was just barely enough to dispel the rising urgency in Rosie's chest to have the conversation. Her head was swirling with all that remained unsaid — when would they ever say all that was meant to be shared — even as she quickly pulled a handkerchief from the pocket to dab at the water. She'd have to dry her sleeve magically, there was no hope for a mere handkerchief solving that issue. As for her skirts - well, at least she now had an excuse to leave.

"It's okay," Rosie said hurriedly after catching sight of the look on his face. "I deserved that. I'm - I'm going to go find my mother so we can leave. I - " she broke off then, her hands falling to her sides with her giving up on drying off here. There was so much she wished to say, so much that could never be spoken. Rosie averted her eyes from his face once more and quietly said, "Goodbye, Mr. Applegate."

---

  

---

stunning set by Lady <3