17 November, 1891 — Destiny Hotel, London

The wedding was completed, the reception was winding down, and tomorrow morning they would be in Beijing for their honeymoon. He ought to feel relieved that they'd made it this far without further incident (given how many things had happened during the proposal process that qualified as incidents), but instead Emrys was a bundle of nervous energy. The vows had been haunting him since he'd repeated them back to her in the church. He'd managed to keep up appearances through the reception, but by the time they finally reached the hotel room upstairs he could hold back no longer. If Angelica was hoping for romance on their first night together as a married couple, she was bound to be disappointed. Given the circumstances, however, it would have been rather ridiculous for her to have set her sights on a seduction on tonight of all nights.

"We should talk about the vows," he said abruptly as the door closed behind them. He'd been very conservative with his liquor intake this entire day, because he was paranoid about slipping up and saying the wrong thing to someone at the wrong moment if he had too much to drink, but now that it was just the two of them he moved to find a glass immediately. There wasn't liquor in this hotel room, but the staff had delivered a bottle of champagne, which would have to do.

Really, the time to talk about the vows had come and gone. He should have talked about the vows before he'd given them, but there had been other things on his mind... that, and a sort of existential dread surrounding the idea of making vows at all which had caused him not to think too closely about them other than to agree that whatever was standard practice for the church would be fine. On the other hand, why bother examining the vows before the wedding day? It wasn't as though either of them would have an option not to agree to them when the time came. They were trapped here.

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Angelica Selwyn

  

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Lou made this! <3

Angelica Vorona died today. The thought was still parading through her head hours after she had signed the documents marking her rebirth. She could read the strain in her husband's - her husband's - face, Emrys was maintaining his composure, as he always did, but she could read the nerves in his too-tight smile, in how stiff he went at a congratulatory word. She had her own fears about their future, but the worst of her fears was behind her. Once they spoke the words and signed their marriage license, a knot in her chest unraveled. He hadn't left her alone at the alter, he'd come and he was still here. They were legally bound and she no longer worried if her Emrys would prove a flight risk. It didn't matter now, not to her. Whatever happened now, she was Mrs. Emrys Selwyn and she was safe. She could finally move from her fear of losing him to proving him wrong. There was nothing simple about marriage, not really, but it could bring joy, if both parties were willing. Angelica was more than willing, but her husband would take some work. Apparently, the work began now.

She'd heard him perfectly, but she ignored the statement momentarily to reach her luggage trunk. Her maids had done well in remembering the small gift she'd ordered for the occasion. With the madness of the last two months, they could both use this gift tonight. Pouring a healthy measure of the firewhiskey, she approached him with the bottle and glass. "Not how I imagined giving you your gift, but it will have to do."

Free of bottle and glass, she was out of ways to avoid this conversation. It was difficult not to scoff at the vow she made today, the expectations of her were nothing new, but swearing to obedience to anyone was galling. She was his wife, not his servant. Her first wedding had no vows, it had crowns to reflect the glory of the union. It was two lavish days where she was a queen and subject to nothing but some higher power to which she was ambivalent. But now?

"I meant what I said in my letter. The vows we made today are to appease society at large. Between the two of us, they are inconsequential. We will make our own vows."

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WC: 390

  

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MJ made this miracle!

The bottle of firewhiskey momentarily stopped him in his tracks. Had she pulled that out in reaction to his moving to find a glass? Or had she been planning this all day, anticipating by the time they reached their hotel room that he would have frayed through the last edges of his nerves and would need alcohol to soothe them back down? Merlin. They'd been married less than five hours and already he was a terrible husband. Already she was going far out of her way to cater to his whims. Meanwhile, he had done nothing for her — unless one counted the wedding itself as something he'd gone through with only for her sake, which wouldn't be terribly far off the mark.

He accepted the glass and the bottle and retreated to a chair. He felt somewhat chastened by the gift, but not enough to derail him from this particular train of thought. He'd disagreed with almost every part of the vows they'd recited in the church that afternoon, and he had decided it was important to clear the air between them early on rather than continuing under false pretenses. Whether she really agreed or whether she was only trying to make him more comfortable was unclear, but in either case, he was pressing on.

"Then we'll start now," he said, swallowing a lump in his throat as he poured himself a drink. "Starting with 'forsaking all others.' That's rubbish," he pronounced. "And I know what you're thinking, about — you said before if I — that's not it. It's that I don't want you vowing to forsake all others," he explained. He was being less articulate than he would have liked, but given how tense he'd been all day he could hardly expect to be suave. "Because some women end up..." He faltered, unsure how much he wanted to say at first, then took a breath and continued in a slightly more level tone. "I've slept with a good number of married women. Their marriage gets stale and stifling and they're lonely, and miserable, until they can't take it any more and they find someone like me to make them feel better, and then afterwards they feel so guilty. And I know right now you're all optimism about this whole thing, but if we're talking about vows, if we're talking about forever, I want you to know that don't want your connection to me to leave you feeling lonely or miserable or guilty."

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Lou made this! <3

She bit her tongue. She had to after his little "gift" to her. "I am not 'some women,' Emrys," she managed to bite out before sinking her teeth firmly back into her tongue to silence herself. Perhaps the care he seemed to take with his words should inspire some sympathy for him, but no care with his words was keeping him from ruining her wedding night with words no bride wanted to hear. Of course, he'd been with married women. Perhaps that was better than him ruining some young thing, but the words still soured as they rolled into her mind. Angelica was many things, had done many things she could regret, but she had never been unfaithful. Her horrid excuse for a husband had been dead nearly a decade before she shook off the claim he had to her. Marriage meant something, not love and silly things girls dreamed of, but it was a contract just the same. Lesser women gave into their feelings, lesser women jeopardized the future of their children for the thrill of romance; better women endured, at least until they had done what was required of them and gave their husbands children of unquestionable origin. Perhaps men, at least the Selwyn brothers, found that devotion impossible, but Angelica had never been weak enough to behave like a man.

"I am not optimistic, I am capable of reason. Do you think I would ever jeopardize my children, or you, for that matter, because of my feelings? Because you won't love me, I should pretend a cad foolish enough to approach me will?" Something that could be venom, tears, or a good hex caught in her throat. Why did he continue to underestimate her? Continue to assume the worst of her? Where in the bloody hell was the man that could spend the day in bed with her and speak of nothing and make it everything? What had gone wrong - before the baby, before his courtship - that made them strangers anew? "The only thing making me lonely, or miserable is your insistence to speak to me like I am some common whore." It would have shocked her to say such a thing out loud, but outrage overcame breeding at the worst of times. "I am not other women. I am not like your other women. I am your wife. Yours. Stop pushing me away to assuage your guilt. I do not deserve that."

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   Emrys Selwyn

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MJ made this miracle!

Because you won't love me.

He stared at her as she continued through her rant, only taking in half the feeling behind her words. There was nothing for him to say in response to her. If she had so fundamentally misunderstood him, there was nothing he could say in a few sentences that would bridge the gap between their two points of view. It had been shortsighted of him to think that a conversation could have helped — that with only a handful of words he could absolve himself of all the misery he would eventually bring down upon her. There would be no new vows between them.

I've loved some of those common whores, he thought. He wouldn't say it; it would be needlessly hurtful, and not salient to the discussion. This wasn't about any previous relationship either of them had experienced. It was about them. Angelica (his wife — his) who had listened to him say he wanted her to be happy and had heard that he refused to love her. Emrys, who didn't know what else to say.

"Fine. I do feel guilty," he said at last, before drinking his whiskey like a shot. "But not for what I've said."

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Lou made this! <3

She met him eye to eye, her glare morphing briefly to a grimace as he downed his firewhiskey like water. 'Perhaps it will burn some sense into you.' She doubted it, but the thought was a pleasant one. She considered his words carefully, more so than she wished when her hackles were up, but whatever his ignorance, she knew how he would react to her snapping. Sulking in his chair and sucking up liquor was a sure sign he was inches from shutting down on her, yet again. She would have to tread carefully. How did she seem so capable of pushing him to retreat inside at the slightest provocation?

"I do not want you to feel guilty. And I don't want to fight with you." Deciding against a direct approach, she gave a wave of her hand, satisfied as his glass filled again. The simple act of magic gave her a moment's calm, a sense of much-needed control as she watched the whiskey rise. He rattled her. With unnerving precision, he got underneath her skin and found where she was most vulnerable, and made it seem so simple. But he was her husband and if she'd learned anything from her first marriage, it was her responsibility to do the adapting. Merlin knows men seemed incapable.

"Let's compromise: I vow to consider your offer," she'd already considered it and it wasn't going to bloody happen, "and I need a vow from you. Whatever your desires, my quarters and yours are for you and me. Your affairs stay in the guest quarters where they belong." The sour taste now in her mouth was irrelevant.

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MJ made this miracle!

Obviously, he thought with some derision. To be honest, he was insulted that she thought he would need it spelled out clearly to avoid having sex with other people in her room. He may have been unconventional, but he was hardly an animal. He would never have behaved so disrespectfully to anyone, especially her.

He ought to have expected something along these lines, though. Whatever she said, whatever she did, she clearly thought him a degenerate. He expected the only reason she'd been invested in this marriage at all was that she thought she could reform him, given time and effort. Emrys considered the top of his glass listlessly. A lifetime of ineffective conversion attempts lay before him, which would make both of them miserable, but what other choice had he had?

Well, probably not a lifetime. Eventually she would give up on him and hand herself over to resentment. Maybe then she might actually consider what he'd just said a few minutes ago.

"You'll never see a thing," he assured her quietly. He'd make sure of that. He wasn't even sure he would see other people, from now on, but if he did it would only be someone discreet enough to keep a secret. That had always been his rule, but the stakes were higher now.

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Lou made this! <3

His answer should have appeased her, but instead, it felt as if she was laced too tightly into her wedding gown. Perhaps it was the spell she'd woven over herself to hide the baby. There was nothing to hide yet, not even on her small frame, but she wasn't magically proficient by accident. She placed the charm every morning, despite the energy it required. She would do so until they were safely abroad and far from prying eyes. But Merlin, she lacked the energy to hold the spell and deal with his petulance tonight.

Resisting the urge to slouch, she perched on the edge of an artfully decorated bed, Angelica was loathed to admit it would most likely remain untouched tonight. What a perfect start to a marriage.

"Is there anything else you require of me?" She hadn't meant it to sound suspicious, so she forced herself to breathe before trying again, "I will try and be accommodating."

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MJ made this miracle!

Emrys gritted his teeth behind his lips, working hard not to visibly scowl. He didn't want her to be accommodating; he wanted her to listen, to actually hear what he was trying to tell her, but he knew he couldn't ask for that. She didn't understand and he couldn't force her to. Maybe she never would.

He was going to make her desperately unhappy. He hated himself already for it, but he couldn't apologize or begin to make amends when she refused to acknowledge that it was even a possibility. Here she was, vowing to give anything for him — to carve out whole pieces of herself in order to be accommodating — when all he wanted was for her to be happy. She was going to make herself miserable for his sake, and there was nothing he could do to dissuade her from that path.

He let out a long breath. "If I die before you, don't sell my shipping business to your father," he said in a half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood.

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Lou made this! <3

Angelica was prepared for the worst (although she would be hard-pressed to think of much that could further break her heart). Whatever he believed about their marriage; about her, was inconsequential for the next breath. She had made her own vows and would keep them, not the silly formula she'd parroted back to the officiant, but what most mattered to her. She would be the wife he needed, whether he liked it or not. She could make him happy, build a family and home that was better than either of them had ever known if only he would give her the chance.

Her hands clenched tight against the bedcovers, it took a moment for her to process his response. Her reply was hardly genteel. Clamping a hand over her mouth to smother a snort that threatened to turn into full-blown laughter, she mentally thanked him for his aversion to difficult conversations, at least for the moment. She needed this - they needed this.

"Don't be ridiculous. I intend to make myself a pirate queen in your honor and spend the rest of my days harrying my father's supply routes. I rather think I was made for swashbuckling." Memories of the few times she'd been aboard one of her father's ships made her grin. She had been more interested in foreign shores and the treasure that came with them; loved tracing routes on maps and reading manifests, but she'd had her own dreams of adventure once.

Eyes softening as she caught Emrys' look, she gave him a simple truth. "I am not a Corvo any longer, I am a Selwyn. I would never be so careless with your legacy."

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MJ made this miracle!

He half-smiled at her remarks. Under normal circumstances it might have been a full smile, because this was something like their old banter, but at present any reference to his legacy couldn't help but draw his attention back to the pregnancy. A child he had never wanted but had been too careless to take precautions to prevent. His legacy, indeed.

Angelica hadn't meant her remark to be bittersweet, though, so he tried to ignore the connotation and respond to her comments as the lighthearted banter they had been intended to be. Since their conversation in September, they'd barely had any interactions at all that felt like the real them — the passionate affair of the spring and summer that had so captivated him. This one wasn't quite there yet, but it was the closest they'd come in a while, so he could just let them have it.

"I hope you're not intending anything," he remarked dryly. "As I don't intend to die in the near future."

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Lou made this! <3

For a moment, he was hers again. Heart clenching at the small glimpse of the smirking rascal she fell in love with, Angelica steadied her grin. She could hold the melancholy at bay for him, she hoped. Her spirits faltered slightly at his joke - it must be a joke - that hit too close at her past.

Angelica was a widow before remarrying today, which Emrys knew, but the manner of her late husband's demise was never a topic that rose between them. She didn't talk to Emrys of her first marriage; he didn't ask and she certainly didn't tell. She'd married a monster disguised as a prince and even ten years after taking his life, there were moments when it seemed Viktor had still won. Her irrational mind was certain she'd find a smug, vengeful ghost in the corners if she dared to look. Of course Viktor Voron would manage to intrude on her wedding night because of course he would. Of bloody course.

Attempting nonchalance with minor success, Angelica gave a shrug. "And I intend for you to live a long, prosperous, adventurous life whether you like it or not, sir. Though I rather think you will come to like it."

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MJ made this miracle!