"What words?!" He was being purposely obtuse, she was certain. He mentioned the ring, when she tried to ask why it bothered him so he shut her down. He decided to go to bed, and when she decided to leave he was giving her grief about it.

  

"'Unless you have something to say about that too.' Were those not the words that just left your mouth thirty seconds ago. You assume I have something to say about everything." Jess had always been careful about what he said to her. It was exhausting, but necessary to keep the peace sometimes. He slipped once and look where they were.

"I asked where your ring was, you gave a reasonable excuse, a flimsy one, but I accepted it. And now we're standing in my bedroom arguing about Merlin knows what." Despite the fact that he didn't want to fight with her, they'd ended up here anyway.

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"Flimsy?!" Fallon shouted. The fear of losing it was a legitimate one, one she thought he'd even be appreciative of in the end. Fallon never thought he would be this irked by her not wearing a fucking ring on a daily basis.

She laughed at the bizarre turn the evening had taken. "Right, because not trusting it to be safe on my finger when practicing hand to hand combat is a fucking flimsy excuse. Whatever, Jesse. Think what you want."

  

"You don't practice hand-to-hand combat every day, so unless that was the last thing you did today, it is a flimsy excuse. Have you worn it at all since I gave it to you?" The cat was out of the bag now, temper rising, because obviously she was right and he was wrong. That's how it always seemed to go.

If she wasn't going to wear it, what was the fucking point of giving it to her? That's what he'd like to know, but he would never loose those words into the air. He didn't regret proposing to her, he loved her, he really did, but damn did she make it difficult sometimes.

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"Of course I have!" Usually when she was off work, but those days were rare and few between. She did her shopping just the other day with it proudly on her finger. Wearing it at work wasn't safe, something he just didn't seem able to comprehend.

"I never know where my day will go at work. Unless I'm sitting at my desk under a pile of paperwork I don't want to fucking lose it." She was fuming now. "Do you think I don't want it? Is that it? I don't want to marry you because I won't wear something valuable on my person at all times?"

  

"Gabe manages to wear his wedding band ever damn day with no problem. I bet Selwyn does too." He spat before he could think better of it. "Some days I have no idea what you want, Fallon." Merlin's beard her mood swings were not something to be trifled with. Usually he took them in stride but for some reason tonight he was out of patience with it.

"I do know you'd rather be married to that job if you could though." Maybe that was it. He knew her job was important to to her, how hard she worked to get where she was, how much effort she put in on a daily basis, but for fuck's sake was he not even worth that much to her? Not even enough to come home a decent hour? Was this what it was going to be like after they had kids? Gabe managed both somehow, though Jess knew Molly gave him a hard time about switching to something less dangerous often. "Will I ever be enough or will I always come in second to the office?"

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Selwyn and Gabe wore basic (or basic for an Upper Class man in Selwyn's case) bands. Theirs didn't boast diamonds and sapphires stuck between prongs that were just waiting to be ruined. She didn't think it that hard to understand, really. But then he continued on and her eyes widened with hurt.

Predictably, Jesse didn't understand why she was as attached to her job as she was. What started as a means for a better life progressed into a strong sense of purpose. Fallon would never be content with being a little house wife, it simply wasn't in her blood. She couldn't fathom bearing children and watching as Jesse went to work every day. Did she know that she would one day have to resign herself to instructing or, worst, transfering to another department? Of course, but she was determined to have more time than just three fucking years.

"I ... I don't even know what to say to you." She said, her voice full of disbelief. She wanted to marry him, even told him that point blank. A diamond ring or flower or none at all. It didn't change how she felt towards him. "If that's what you think of me then ask for it back."

  

Her non-answer was enough for him to realize that yes, he would always come in second to the office. The question was now, would he be able to get over that? To live like that? He'd thought he could have, back when they'd settled on one another, made all kinds of promises to one another that were already starting to crumble around them and they weren't even married yet!

"Seriously? I have one legitimate and important question, that you didn't answer, by the way, and you're trying to hand it back to me?" He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, attempted to take a calming breath. "Is that what you really think of me?" He turned the question back on her with zero qualms, blue eyes trained on hers, though he tried to hide any underlying emotions flurrying through his system.

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"Because there is no right answer to that question!" Either way one of them would be unhappy. "Will you ever be enough for what? A happy and fulfilled marriage? Of course. I meant it when I said I wanted to marry you. Will you alone be enough to provide me with a sense of purpose? A reason for existing in this fucked up world? No, Jesse, you won't."

Her back brushed against the closed door and her shoulders sagged down for a second. Ending things with Jesse hadn't even appeared on her radar when she showed up tonight, but the boulder was already racing down the hill. The only question now was whether or not it would run them down, too.

"What I think is you have this dream that I'll never fit right into." She said after a long drawn out silence. "And that you have a choice to make."

  

There she went again, putting words in his mouth that didn't belong there, that he hadn't even thought of himself, but it was nice to know how little she thought of him in that moment.

"Will you stop assuming you know what I'm going to say? That is not even close to what I meant. Sense of purpose, for fuck's she Fallon, you're your own fucking person, with aspirations and goals, I love that about you, but Merlin's beard it's nice to know where I come in your heirarchy of priorities." He could still feel the anger and a little bit of resentment building up and he worked hard to push it down. He was reaching his boiling point though.

It sounded like she was about to give him an unfair ultimatum, which he would never do to her and so he stood there, dumbstruck, watching her in anticipation.

"Again, you think you know what I'm about to say. Like I would ever dream of asking you to choose between me and your job, or that I would ask you to quit. I wouldn't, by the way, in case that wasn't obvious by now. He was losing his grip on how carefully be chose his words. "If I have a choice to make I have a few questions first.

Am I ever going to be allowed to worry about you without you getting mad at me? Or am I not allowed to show that I care that much without you thinking in trying to undermine your independence?" It was all pouring out now, everything he'd managed to bottle up and hide away because he hasn't wanted to fight with her about it. "What about when we have kids? Am I going to be the one coming up with excuses as to why mommy isn't home for dinner again? Will you even take a enough break from working to have a healthy pregnancy? Or is that not important enough of a reason either? It's hard to tell since I'm not even important enough for you to want to come home at a reasonable hour after work." If she was going to force a choice out of him he needed to know.

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For one, Fallon didn't believe that working inherently meant she would have an unhealthy pregnancy. Her capabilities and training remained the same regardless of her having a baby in her stomach or not. In fact, she would even argue that her baby would be healthier for her having such an active life style. The child would arrive already knowing one couldn't lead an idle, boring life. However, she wasn't about to argue this when she wasn't sure of her capabilities to have children and Jesse was exploding at the seams. A hypothetical child wouldn't be the death of them. It wouldn't.

There was more to his argument, anyway. Jesse wasn't angry about hypotheticals, he was furious that she hadn't chose him over her career thus far. (Again, Fallon wished to point out that Molly wouldn't expect this of Gabe but realized to do so would only further antagonise him.) She folded her arms tightly across her chest, her nails digging into her flesh.

"You already have asked me to choose." She claimed, already knowing it was the wrong thing to say. Fallon chose him over Lachlan, she thought to say. She chose him over another long term assignment just last month (that she wasn't emotionally prepared for, but that was neither here nor there). She had even chose him over her best friend, the woman who had been by her side since childhood. Time and time again Fallon chose and landed on his side, but not when it came to her career as a whole. Not if he was going to attempt to guilt her over working the same long hours she maintained since meeting him.

Taking a deep breath, Fallon tried to soften her expression into something more neutral and immediately failed. "Is your worrying going to come across as irritation that I'm going at all? Are you going to pick fights with me because of it? Pull this same passive-aggressive bullshit?" Fallon couldn't live a life like that. She couldn't stomach him being angry because of her simply doing her job, even if the anger was only a mask to hide the fear. Even if it was only because he cared too much.

"You're important to me, Jesse. I wouldn't fucking be here if you weren't." She pressed on, her frustration bleeding through her words. "I can't answer your questions about children because I don't know what it'll be like to have them. And if that isn't a good enough answer, then fuck I don't know what else to say."

  

Frustration was slowly filling every inch of him from top to bottom. Had he not just said he wouldn't make her choose? He turned the words over in his head again before his face darkened when he realized what she meant.

She meant choosing him over MacFusty. Slapping him probably would have hurt less and he deflated a little, though everything simmered below the surface. Sighing in resignation, he ran another hand through his hair, trying to piece together his thoughts very clearly.

"It's not me who has the choice to make," He said finally, after a moment of silence. "I made it very clear, from the beginning, that I wanted a family and everything that comes with it. I want that with you, even if you didn't always want me. But I can't do that alone, wondering where you are at all hours of the day, tucking kids into bed and making excuses as to why it's always me." Jess ran a hand over his face, exhausted. "If you can't tell me that one day our children won't be your first priority, always, then I guess it won't be a hard decision to make."

People grew up, life changed around them, changed them, priorities shifted as things came into play. Maybe it was because he'd already gone through all of that in his early twenties, he did and continued to do the career thing, but he'd already changed for her. He'd taken the promotion because it sealed the deal of him  being able to support them fully; he tried to leave the office at a reasonable hour so they could spend time together before bed. He was putting in the effort, but it wasn't being reciprocated. He understood that things came up and that there would be later nights neither of them could avoid, but it wasn't supposed to be every night like it had been.

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Motherhood was never a considered path for Fallon prior to involving herself with Jesse. She had a set career path with limitless goals (auror to lawyer to head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement to Minister of Magic to a member of the Wizengamot) and the ambition to reach them. While she knew what she was signing up for in being with him, Fallon hadn't considered that she would have to cut her career short. That their children couldn't be entrusted to the care of a reputable nanny when she simply couldn't be home. In her mind, their children would be raised with a deep respect for service and law, for sacrifices for the sake of others. Of course, were there an emergency at home she would immediately attend to it. But ... always wasn't necessarily a commitment she knew herself to be undertaking.

Fallon's aghast expression slipped into a frown. Jesse was forcing an ultimatum before they were even in the position of having to make decisions and that fact alone made her skin crawl. Was this to be the first demanded sacrifice? The first of a long line of hard decisions where she would be the ultimate loser? His career wouldn't be placed on hold or changed because of parenthood. He could advance and follow his dreams were he to have any. It was terribly unfair to deny her the same, regardless of whether or not he understood she had a career. (For, if he understood this would be a non-issue.)

"You're really doing this?" Fallon asked. "I have to decide right now whether or not to sacrifice my career for a family that might never exist?" They had been intimate for months now with no signs of a pregnancy, who was to say that would change? Her course came reliably every month with a huge sense of relief and a small but unmistakable hint of disappointment. Fallon wanted children — his children — she just didn't want to walk away from everything she strived for.

  

"All I 'did' was put words to something we both know we had to talk about at some point," It had been bubbling under the surface since she disappeared for months back in the autumn. Jess really didn't want to make her choose, she should be able to both in a perfect world and realistically she might be able to have parts of both. He really just could not wrap his head around how she could keep working, seven months pregnant and in the field. Anything bad could happen with that, that would not only be potentially harmful to the baby, but to her.

Jess sighed heavily, knowing that right now, he was banging his head against a brick wall by trying to argue his side with her. She was hearing him as all or nothing, which was not what he was asking for.  "Nobody is asking you to sacrifice anything. Nor am I asking you make any decisions right now. You tried to force a choice on me, but when I turn the question around, you suddenly aren't okay with that?" The double standard here was frustrating the shit out of him. "What I'm asking is for you to consider the long term plan here. I have been nothing but honest about what I wanted out of life since things got serious, I took a promotion I was on the fence about to be able to support us and a family; I try to make it home at a reasonable hour so that we might be able to spend time together or Merlin forbid, enjoy a meal at the same time, because I'm willing to do that to better us." He was stonewalling his own mother over this, just in case she had strong opinions. "But we're both going to need to compromise along the way, it doesn't have to be fifty-fifty, but some give would be nice."

Stretching his neck to the side, he herd an audible crack and grimaced, if he didn't have a headache by the time this was over, he'd be shocked. "Just think about it and let me know." That was all he could ask at this point. He was willing to put in the work, to make the sacrifices and compromise, but he couldn't be the only one, he could not pull one hundred percent of the weight around the house after they started a family together, or apparently if they started a family together, as she'd so delicately put it. "I'll be here when you figure it out."

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The issue with his ask was that in her profession there was little room to compromise. Fallon couldn't tell Prewett no if ordered onto a dangerous or long term case. Nor could she guarantee to have a set schedule or early evenings more often than not. Or rather, she could, but to do so would likely mean sacrificing any progress made on her career path. Jesse didn't — and likely would never — understand this as he would never face such decisions. He would never have a boss frown at him for leaving a pile of work for the next day or battle colleagues for a hot case.

The dismissal was obvious, a far cry from what she had hoped for when coming over that evening. "Fine," she muttered. Nothing about this was fine, but if he refused to even acknowledge her perspective there was nothing to be done. "Fine." She repeated, this time her agitation clear.

Reaching for her bag, Fallon slung it back onto her shoulder and avoided looking at him again. "You know where to find me if you want." He wouldn't break first, she knew, but Merlin did she wish he would. "Night, Jess."