When what to my wondering eyes should appear
In the line is that guy I've been chasing all year

December 23rd, 1890 — Harriet Prewett's Festive Ball, London
August Echelon-Arnost

Tonight's ball was to be her last until after the baby was born, or so Freya hoped. Months of illness, fatigue and stress over her, albeit brief, affair left her exhausted by the standards of society. She had never been the sort to tire of events, but she was beginning to understand the beauty in becoming a recluse like her husband. Daniel wasn't expected to dazzle and shine, nor was he known to be an exquisite host of galas or balls. His behavior and introverted nature was odd, for sure, but it afforded him far less stress. And if there was anything she desperately needed Saint Nick to gift her it was less stress.

She knew August would likely be in attendance that evening. Nearly every wizarding family in their small magical community was somehow tied to the Prewett family, so attendance at a Christmas ball was somewhat mandatory. However, Freya had done her best to bury all thoughts of her lover (and the likely father of her unborn child) as she readied herself for the ball. The gold ball gown did little to hide the growing swell of her stomach, even despite the tighter than normal lacings she insisted upon that evening. Her lady's maid had made her disapproval known, but Freya wouldn't hear of it. A few hours in a corset was nothing she hadn't accomplished before.

Besides, if this was to be her last event for the better part of a year she refused to look anything but her best. Little did Freya know the vain notion would be her first downfall of the evening.

Freya avoided dancing for the better part of the evening, having lost track of her husband hours prior. And, although she knew she need only look for his tall head standing above the crowds, she was thankful for it. Daniel's excitement for their child both made her love and resent him all the more. Four years of yearning for a child and never once had they succeeded in making one. Freya would never have any way of telling for certain, but she definitely found it odd that her first dalliance outside her marriage saw her realizing her pregnancy not even a month later. Fate was never anything but cruel.

The heat of the ballroom quickly became as stifling as the oppressing guilt she now lived with. Even in the corner of the ballroom she struggled to draw a full breath, the tight lacings of her gown too restricting for her to function within. Her fan did little for her, as well, serving only to blow the hot air upon her face. She glanced about the room uselessly, her thoughts too foggy to find the nearest exit. Merlin, what had she done?

  

---

Amazing Set by Stef!

After sleeping with Freya Selwyn, August had gotten a little more absent from society - partially because of legal work, and partially because he didn't know how to deal with the guilt. It was strange, that this was what he would feel guilty over - especially after the high-stakes guilt (and vampirism) that involvement with Lyra had brought. Freya was married, was the thing - she was married and just because August did not like her husband did not make her any less married. Still, they had slept together, and just because August had not felt bad about it at the time didn't mean - well. He should feel bad about it. He should avoid her.

So while it was too conspicuous to not go to the Prewett Christmas Party - especially given the likely lack of events between the Christmas party and February - he was determined to avoid Freya when he was there. If they avoided each other as much as possible, then it was like it had never happened at all.

Of course, that was the idea; then he saw her from across the room and, more specifically, saw the swell of her stomach. It was like sound stopped around him; August made some form of excuse, and made his way through the crowd, with the required small talk. When he was ten or so feet away, he stopped, sipped his drink - looked again.

She looked pregnant.

She looked pregnant and - he didn't know what to think, yet, because it was as if he was hearing white noise.

---

  

---

set by Bree

Through her haze of oxygen deprivation, Freya spotted the one man she was most hoping to avoid this evening: August Echelon-Arnost. It wasn't that she didn't wish to speak to him or be near him (quite the opposite, in fact, as Freya was plagued by countless questions) but that the guilt of their dalliance weighes heavily on her heart. Daniel, for all his faults and disappointments, didn't deserve an unfaithful wife. Nor did he deserve to be unwittingly forced into raising a bastard. Such was the realities of their life now, though, and aside from forcing a separation between her and August, there was little Freya could do to remedy her guilt.

However, the need to flee Mrs. Prewett's ballroom outweighed any guilt. She had to hope August still cared for her enough to escort her to the gardens. She had to trust that he wouldn't abandon her to faint in the middle of such an event. Even if nothing had ever happened between them, August would be chivalrous enough to help a woman in need.

Freya crossed the short distance between them on wobbly legs. "Mr. Echelon-Arnost," she greeted in a tone that she prayed was casual instead of desperate. "Might I prevail upon you to escort me outside for a moment? The room is rather hot." Her hand her now-closed fan in a vice like grip. "Mr. Selwyn is otherwise detained..." Freya offered as an additional explanation, though where he was detained she hadn't the slightest idea.

  

---

Amazing Set by Stef!

As soon as Freya started walking, it was clear that something was wrong; she usually moved much more gracefully, and if she was pregnant - well, she was not far enough along to be that wobbly already. It was clearer once she came closer and started speaking to him; her tone was relatively casual, but her words implied that she was feeling faint. Probably genuinely, if she was willing to speak to him.

"Of course, Mrs. Selwyn," August said, finally finding his voice. He just barely touched his free hand to her elbow, in case she toppled - (not that August was much use in case of toppling) - and began walking, slowly, towards the exit to the garden with her.

---

  

Freya had mostly regained her composure by the time they made it to the courtyard. The lacings of her gown were still too tight, her breaths still too shallow for her to feel truly alright, but the crisp air relieved some of the tensions. However, in returning to herself Freya soon began to realize the enormous nature of her mistake. She had asked August for help. August! The likely father of her child.

The love of her life who she was never meant to have.

"Thank you," she murmured as she moved to step away from him. Months had passed since they last spoke - since she had thrown all caution to the wind and fell into bed with him - and in that time neither of them attempted to address what happened. Freya thought he might at first, but when the silence stretched on infinitely she knew the tryst for what it was: a foolish mistake. She was wrong to get attached, wrong to fall for someone she could never have.

Keeping her gaze from him, Freya folded her arms carefully over the swell of her stomach. The soft flutters she knew to be the baby moving within her were in full force. "I will be okay now if you wish to rejoin the party."

  

---

Amazing Set by Stef!

Once they were outside, August stood awkwardly, leaning on his cane, until Freya stepped away. She no longer looked as if she was going to topple, but up this close, it was very obvious - she was very much with child.

"Is it -" he couldn't finish the sentence, but she had to know where he was going with it. Was the baby his?

And if it was, did it really matter?

---

  

"I think so," Freya answered helplessly, quietly, her gaze fixated on the bright lights filtering through the windows. "It never happened with him." Oh, how she wished it had. Then, all her guilt and frustration would be for naught. Then, it wouldn't matter if she had dallied outside of her marriage for the sound possibilty of it being her husband's child existed.

She turned her voice quieter, her fear of discovery larger than her need for him to hear her. "You never wrote." Neither had she, but she hadn't known what to say.

  

---

Amazing Set by Stef!

So it was his, then; August had a sinking feeling in his gut. It didn't matter, did it? Freya was going to have a child and August was going to have no hand in it, because he couldn't.

"I'm sorry," August said, because he was. "I didn't know what to say, and then -" he had left it too long.

---

  

"I ..." Freya still didn't know what to say. I loved you, wouldn't help matters any, and she refused to reveal such feelings without knowing they were returned. That was what happened with Daniel and now look where she stood, an adulteress incapable of being with the person she truly desired.

Her hands drifted to protectively cover her bump. At least she was to receive the greatest gift of all. If nothing else, she could love their baby as passionately as she did its father. "Was it just ..." she tried and faltered to ask again. Then, after a steadying breath a d a subtle glance about to make sure none had approached them, she asked, "Did I matter?"

  

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Amazing Set by Stef!

"Of course you did," August said fervently, although his voice was low - because she had. It had been - stupid, and sad, and with the pregnancy he was starting to regret it more than he had before. But Freya had mattered.

"Did I?"

---

  

"More than you know," she answered honestly. Not only had August given her the gift of a child, but he had shown her, however temporarily, that men were capable of being something other than volatile. Such knowledge didn't change her circumstances, it didn't stop her from being eternally bound to Daniel, but at least she knew it to exist.

"What happens now?" Freya asked, hopeful for the first time in weeks.

  

---

Amazing Set by Stef!

August didn't know. He pressed his lips together, thinking. She had to stay married, the child - his child - had to stay Daniel's. An attachment to her was just going to hurt in the long run.

"What would you like to happen now?" August asked; it wasn't a real answer, but it was something.

---

  

To admit to what she wished for would mean naming herself an adulteress, not simply knowing it. Even when she was this heavily pregnant, Freya still desired a repeat performance of their afternoon at the Sanditon. "I don't want the silence to continue," she admited plainly, not quite answering to the true question.

  

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Amazing Set by Stef!

"All right," August said amenably, "I think we can manage that." That would probably be the extent of what they could manage - especially with Freya pregnant, she was going to be away from parties soon, and they would not be able to socialize.

"We should, probably, head back to the party."

---

  

Relieved to know he wouldn't be permanently removed from her life, Freya passed him a slight smile. "You may go. I'm not yet ready to face the heat of the ballroom again. Thank you for escorting me out, August."

  

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Amazing Set by Stef!

"I'm sure that I shall talk to you soon, Mrs. Selwyn," August said as he left.

This was going to make him miserable, trying to keep her happy. He knew it already. He also knew that he was still going to try.

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