July 24th 1890 - Swallowbury
Beau Miller

the words on this page all look like a mess
they all fall short of what I'm tryin' to confess
my heart is racin', it already knows
what I haven't even told you yet

Eva had a regular smorgasbord of food in the boxes in hand, Mrs. Sweeney was clearly afraid the boys were going to starve to death, but mostly Eva was sure that Mrs. S was just sweet on Beau. Therefore was sending this mostly for him and the rest of them were reaping the benefits. Really, she was so transparent these days.

It wasn't like Eva minded taking the little walk to their rented row house, she was thoroughly having them around again. Though it wasn't quite the same as Arizona, the cadence to the group friendship hadn't over changed much, but that was nothing new to Eva, she'd pretty much always been one of the guys. Plus she felt guilty for leaving early for work this morning without telling Beau about it. Not to mention she may have been buttering him up for some news.

To say she was feeling off would be a bit of an understatement. The fatigue came and went, as did the nausea, but there was no mistaking the symptoms. She'd seen enough of her aunts go through pregnancy to recognize the signs. Fuck. Just the thought of telling him sent her nerves escalating through the roof again. She'd talked herself down on her way out of the house, but now her pulse was racing and not in the good way.

The irregularity of her cycle had become the norm after the crocodile incidents, though the healers had been extremely certain she'd never carry a babe, let alone get pregnant with one to begin with. Apparently they'd been so very wrong. Of course she wasn't sure either, but she just had this feeling. Ugh.

Letting herself in through the back door without bothering to knock, Eva set the food down on the counter, put what needed to be kept cool in the icebox before hunting around for Beau. The little row house wasn't that big, so it didn't take her long to find him in the little study. Thankfully it seemed the boys were out for at the moment, but she closed the door behind her anyway. "I brought dinner, sorry about this morning." She passed him a hopeful smile, perching on the arm of his chair lightly.

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The events of the morning threw his whole day off kilter. Following his conversation with Conall, Beau had to fight with nearly every creature in his care to get them to cooperate. Astra was particularly difficult, too, leaving Beau grunting in frustration by the end of the day. To top it all off, despite his frequent stops into the aviary, Beau hadn't seen Eva all day. Man, he missed living in the MacKay house.

He was drafting a letter to the Colorado zoo about potentially moving Demetri and his family of demiguises' to Irvingly when Eva suddenly appeared in the doorway. Beau didn't fabcy himself as a romantic (or, if he was, it was deep within his soul) but he would swear up and down Eva was like a goddess with her easy beauty. His hands reached for her without hesitation or thought, resting on her thighs instead of pulling her into his lap. "It's alright, " he shrugged. Conall would mention the conversation to Eva if he felt necessary, Beau wasn't about to call attention to it.

"Where were you all day?" He then asked, blue eyes staring up into hers.

  

Busy, ill, avoiding you, napping. Those were the true answers, but she wasn't quite ready to admit them to him just yet. "I left around lunchtime, I wasn't feeling well, so I went home to lay down. But I spent most of the morning going over a few things with Mr. Podmore in his office." The new Mr. Podmore in charge of the zoo was a good man, had a solid head on his shoulders and he'd get the hang of everything eventually, but he'd been running the zoo for barely two months at this point. Fortunately, Eva had been fairly involved in most facets of the zoo itself, so she was able to help when he needed it.

Elaborating on why she'd felt ill suddenly made her nauseous as well, even though she knew it was a good transition, but she knew that was the nerves bubbling up. Taking a deep breath, she pushed it all down again, momentarily distracted by the letter in front of him. Reading your lover's letters tended to get people in trouble, as Eavan was well aware, but she recognized the name it was addressed to pretty easily. She chose not to comment however, he'd tell her if she wanted. "Why, did you miss me?" She teased, raising a curious eyebrow at him.

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Immediately, Beau gaze shifted from happy to see her to concerned. Having lost more siblings than he could count to illness (the grand majority having passed before he was even born), being sick wasn't something he messed with. "Are you alright?" He pressed, nearly ready to bombard her with a whole list of questions. The foremost of them being, why was she out of bed?

Paying no mind to her teasing, Beau moved his hand from her thigh to hold hers lightly. The others would tease me mercilessly tomorrow if they found her here, but perhaps she would be better off getting rest sooner than later. "I would have brought you dinner if I knew you were sick."

  

"Well, I'm feeling better now, Love." She squeezed his hand in hopes to reassure him. She had to tell him before she lost the nerve, but holy shit, this was terrifying!

Sliding into his lap, she knew she had to just say it, he was going to worry if she kept appearing ill with no cause, but she was also mildly afraid he'd bolt on her. She wasn't exactly thrilled herself, but there really wasn't much she could do about it was there? She was stable, she had a good job and a place to live, support from lots of family, it would be okay. She would be okay, but she wanted him to be good with it too. She'd meant what she'd said when she asked him to stay.

Giving herself a moment, she studied their joined hands. They fit so well together, perfectly comfortable, compatible, Eva had to think they'd make it work. "So here's the thing about it, She turned her blue eyes on his, worry creasing her brow slightly. "It's going to last roughly another eight and a half months..." She assumed anyway. After briefly and vaguely questioning her friend Winnie about it, (she assumed the midwife figured out why on her own) Eva had done the math and then figured her chances of disaster were higher than her chance of actually getting pregnant, but Beau didn't need to know that.

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Eight and a half months? Beau concern switched to momentary confusion as his brain slowly (way too slowly) caught up to what she was saying. What illness lasted for months like that? He knew the laughing plague took over Hogsmeade for the summer, but they had a cure for that now. Eight and a half months?

Oh.

Oh fuck.

Perhaps it was a bit naive of him, but after nearly seven months of being intimate with her Beau didn't believe Eva capable of having children. They never discussed it, for he thought the scars on her abdomen were proof enough of her childless future. Beau had never encountered a creature — human or otherwise — to have survived what she went through without any long term consequences. Was a pregnancy safe?

"Eight and a half months." Beau stupidly repeated. Even without the added potential health complications her reputation would be ruined. Their baby would be labeled a bastard with all the negative concoctions that went with it. Already, Beau's thoughts were spiraling on how to convince her to marry him, and where they could relocate to to hide the timeline of the pregnancy. Her family could vouch for them that they had been courting all along and just keeping it quiet. Their American friends could be convinced to say they're visiting for a wedding. Maybe there was a chance to spare the baby a life of difficulty.

"Are you sure?"

  

"Maybe less, probably less, I can't exactly tell. But yes, I'm sure." Her cycle hadn't exactly been regular since the crocodile incident so she was guessing, knowing the gestation period was roughly nine months. She'd had some spotting a few weeks ago, which had her pausing her initial thoughts, but Winnie was pretty convinced she might even be further along than that.

Eva couldn't tell how exactly he was feeling about this, but at least his initial reaction wasn't angry. "I'm sorry, I didn't think I could even have children. I was told it was highly unlikely after the crocodile attack." She'd been reckless after that, first with Fletcher and then with Beau and nothing. Apparently there universe thought she needed a slap of reality. "What do you want to do next?" Though she was ready to do it, whether it was alone or together was up to him. She'd wanted him to stay, but not like this; she didn't want him to feel trapped.

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Fuck. Less than eight months? Despite knowing how vehemently she might protest, Beau was nearly convinced they would have to move back to America for a few months at least. By the time they came back they could fudge the baby's birthday enough to make it all less scandalous. "Okay," he acknowledged while deep in thought. Conall was going to fucking kill him.

Beau snapped out of his head at her apology, his hand squeezing hers in response. "Don't apologize, Eva. It's alright. We'll be alright." While a baby complicated matters, Beau wasn't disappointed or angry about it. If anything, he was disappointed to have to suggest long term solutions for their otherwise unplanned futures. Eva ran from her last love because they were too settled, Beau didn't know what he would do with himself if she ran from him too.

"Marry you, if you'll let me." Beau responded bluntly. This was not how he ever imagined proposing, but it had to be done. "Figure out a plan that won't have people thinking our kid is a bastard."

  

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Eva was unexpectedly pleased to know she wouldn't be going at this by herself. She was not naturally an emotional person, so the sting of tears in the corner of her eyes was going to be blamed entirely on the baby. That was going to have to go, along with the morning sickness. Ugh.

Fortunately his next suggestion changed her mood. "Marriage," The noise that came out was somewhere between derision and resignation. It had crossed her mind of course as their most logical option, but she didn't have the best track record with it in the past. This was of course entirely different. Different situation, different partner, hell even she was a different person than she was this time last year.

"You sure you won't get sick of me?" It had been less than a year after all, though he seemed quite serious about it actually. A baby changed everything and everyone though, would that eventually make a difference?

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Well, at least she wasn't sprinting full speed away from the idea, even if she was obviously less than thrilled with it. Not that Beau was particularly pleased himself, either. This wasn't how he imagined proposing marriage to Eva. There was to be no awkward ask to court or enjoying one another's company at various events. He wouldn't have to agonize over how and when to propose, or what Conall would say. Beau had, when he allowed himself to anyway, pictured marrying Eva every way but this one.

His own disappointment was announced with a huff. Beau was sorry to have torn her from her path with an unwanted pregnancy. Eva hadn't known it was possible, but Beau knew better. How many women in the circus had had to quit because of similar circumstances? Hell, even his eldest sister had run off to elope to cover up a pregnancy (though Beau was convinced she was running more from ranch life than covering a pregnancy).

"Only one way to find out," he eventually said. "I won't let either of you be alone."

  

His answer was unequivocally Beau, but it didn't exactly soothe her concern over the matter either. Neither one of them was particularly enthused by the idea, clearly, but like it (which she did) or not (which she feared he didn't) they were connected now on a whole new level.

"I don't want you to feel trapped, She said after a moment, putting sound to her previous thoughts. Eva had learned her lesson about saying what was on her mind; she had to just do it and accept the consequences, it caused far less heartache in the long run.

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Gently, as though shifting her too much would cause undo harm, Beau moved to cup her cheek and brought her in for a soft kiss. Regardless of whether or not he wanted to be trapped (he did, for the record), they were bound together for life. Even if she wound up despising him, even if he no longer could stand the sight of her, they would always be forced to interact because of their kid.

"I love you," he told her earnestly for the second time ever. Beau hadn't wanted to scare her off with repeated mentions of it, but now seemed like a good time to remind her. "I eventually would have asked you to marry me anyway, and in a much more romantic way, mind you. This just speeds up the timeline, that's all."

  

Pulling a bit of a face, she allowed herself to be pulled in and kissed him softly. Sighing contentedly, Eva snuggled in and rested her head on his shoulder. "You're being awfully cavalier about this and though I like it, I still think you're crazy." She shook her head a little before looking up at him again.

"But I love you too." His response to the problem had solidified her feelings on the matter, maybe she'd been holding out for right moment, maybe she'd been shying away from it, but this felt like a good time and see meant it, too.

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"I'm freaking out on the inside, love. Don't worry about that," he laughed. He was going to have to buy or rent a house (preferably somewhere not in the center of a gossiping town). And a ring, fuck. How was he going to afford a ring and a house? Beau had some savings, but not much. Not enough to afford everything they would need.

Her next statement made him pause. Was she just saying it because of the situation or did she mean it? Beau wanted to believe she was being earnest, that she wouldn't say it if it weren't true. But... there was the nagging doubt. "You do?" He asked like a bloody fucking schoolgirl. Merlin, he was a lucky son of a bitch if it was true.

  

Laughing in earnest now, she planted a kiss on his cheek. If he was really panicking on the inside, ironically that did make her feel better. "Of course I do." She assured him quietly, just a hint of amusement in her voice.

"It's not every day you find, seduce and get to marry such a handsome face after all." She teased lightly, watching him closely. "Not to mention, loyal and caring and stubborn. Ready to do the right thing by me and this baby..." She could carry on signing his praises, but figured he got the gist. Plus she wasn't going to get sappy now. "Oh and good in bed... Which is why we ended up here." There, that would lighten the mood completely.

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Were he not concerned with jostling her in her condition, Beau would've stood and swung her around in his excitement. Sure, this wasn't how he anticipated them taking the next step, but how could he complain about this turn of events? The problems were going to need to be worked through, and there would be a storm to weather. All of it was manageable, though, so long as they had one another.

Beau smirked. Eva didn't often sing his praises, so when she did he liked to bask in them like a cat in the sun. "Sounds like you found a keeper," he teased. Eight and half months (plus whatever recovery time there was, as he was certain Eva wouldn't want sex immediately upon giving birth) of celibacy was going to be rough, especially after being as active as they were. "Think we can get away with you staying here tonight?"