December 24, 1893 - Potts' Home in Bartonburg @Potts Family Christmas Party

Alvin Bixby

The cool air was a welcome caress on Sisse's warmed cheeks after the crowded rooms of the Potts' holiday party. Quietly she slipped through the door into the gardens of her friend's home, wrapping her shawl around. It was quiet out here, the snow gently floating down from the moonlit sky, landing on her cheeks, her gown, her hair. Sisse smiled at it, tilting her face up to greet light of the moon before she walked down one of the paths and settled onto a bench.

The evening was calm, a breathe of fresh air in all the chaos inside. Even when her mother had been alive their home had never been this full, this bursting with energy. There were even more people this year than had been here last year, but there was a new saddness in Sisse this year that felt at odds, yet again, with the celebration. She always remembered her mom at this time of year, but there was also the loss of Sloane now. Of Lester. Of all of them. They were growing up and soon Sisse would no longer even be allowed to venture outside on her own like this, to take a moment to breathe and collect herself. She'd always be surrounded.

It was a thought that had begun to plague her, a worry that had started innocently enough these past few months, but had now become something altogether more stressful. How was she to find someone to love if she were always being watched? It wasn't like she hadn't always dreamed of this, but Lester would never have stolen a kiss from her had she not been on her own. Although, perhaps that was why she would never be alone again after graduation, so that such foolish mistakes couldn't happen.

Christmas always reminded her of Lester. Of that night when he'd calmed her worries, held her close, kissed her in the corridor near the Portrait. Of that moment when she had felt that her life was just beginning, that her fairy tale was taking place. How wrong she had been. Not only did Lester not remember that moment, he regretted. The sting from last Christmas came back to her again. And then just when she had thought they'd mended things, that they could at least be friends again, that she wouldn't lose him too to this battle of growing up, Sloane's death had divided them again. She still wrote to him, but it wasn't the same. His letters were always short, trite, as if he were only doing it out of some sort of obligation to her.

Absently, Sisse ran her fingers down her skirt (a bolt of moire fabric she had asked her father for, just for the purpose of a new Christmas gown). She had spent hours this summer working on the gown, determined to have something she was proud of for Christmas. She'd even brought it to school to work on it. The top was of a dark green velvet with puffed sleeves that tapered to just below her elbow, while trailing into the skirt, where the soft sage-green moire trailed elegantly. She had trimmed the gown with a ribbon between the two greens, hints of a dark brown, almost golden color embroidered onto it. While the collar of the gown she had trimmed with a satin fabric of the same color, but solid in color. It was, in Sisse's opinion, the most grown up gown she had ever worn. She was proud of the work that had gone into it, it was a gown for new beginnings, for new hope, for the beginning of another fairy tale. A gown for a lady, the lady she would be. The lady who would find happiness, who would settle into a new life, who would carry the memories of a girl who felt as if the world had tried to break her, but who wouldn't let it.

Sisse felt her shoulders straighten again as she collected herself, pushing away the memories, the fears, the grief, focusing on this moment, on the lady she appeared to be. It was why she had stepped outside, to give herself a moment to remember the good, not just the oppressing worries that grew worse in a crowd. She breathed in the icy winter air, letting her eyes close for a moment. For just a moment she could pretend she was a lady in one of the medieval romances, could pretend that she would get swept off her feet, that music would play. When she opened them she'd hold on to that foolish feeling, stand up and walk back into the Potts' party and hold fast to the hope that came in such a dream. Some day her prince would come. Someday she'd find love. A someday soon.

ooc: Gown inspiration and gown color inspiration

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

It was the first time in a while that Alvin had accepted the invitation to the Potts' annual Christmas Even celebration. Typically it had been a family affair at home, because adding the Bixby clan to the already large extended and extending Potts family seemed like a bit much, but his mother had politely decline the invitation on her own behalf. Alvin had thought about abstaining too, wondering if he should be home, but Fiona had encouraged him to go and enjoy the festivities. Knowing the mood at home would be somber and Rufus and his family would not brighten the mood until tomorrow, Alvin thought there was no harm in going, at least for a little while.

Plus he needed to get a better read on Zinnia's fiancé. The whole situation still got him worked up. To find Zinnia in such a position, one that she had made very clear was just as much her fault as Gallagher's but Alvin was still a bit leery. He had, without thinking, offered to step in, to marry her if the constable would not, but it appeared the back-up plan was not necessary. Still, he didn't know the chief very well, had thankfully never much run into any trouble with the law (well, here in Hogsmeade anyway) and therefore knew next to nothing about the man his best friend was going to be marrying. He wondered just how this would change their friendship, if at all; there were too many variables up in the air.

Still, he couldn't glower at the man all night and hadn't been able to catch him alone to interrogate him, so Alvin was starting to think he would let it slide for tonight. It seemed Mrs. Potts had gotten there first anyway and that was likely to be a better, more thorough conversation that anything Alvin could come up with. The feeling was persistent however, and the night still young enough that he couldn't excuse himself to go home, so instead he found himself taking respite in the garden, hoping a few minutes of cold, fresh air would help center him and clear his mind. His coat hung loose and open around his shoulders, letting in just enough of the chill to help cool both his skin and his head. He stretched out his neck and felt the characteristic pop of crack of being bent over sketches release as he surveyed the garden. Flexing his fingers, he shoved them into his coat pockets and took a few deep breaths.

Alvin took a few more steps into the garden itself, snow crunching under his boots when he noticed he wasn't the only one who had slipped out into the night air. "Miss Thompsett, are you alright?" Alvin couldn't tell quite what sort of expression she had, but was leery to upset her if she wanted to be alone.

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In her own contemplations Sisse had failed to realize the sound of another's footsteps. Likely another reason a chaperon would actually be a good thing in the days to come. Instead the words startled her and Sisse's eyes flew open before she mastered her features and turned to the man that had come up beside the bench she was perched on.

"Oh, Mr. Bixby, good evening." She hadn't known he was attending the soirée, indeed, she hadn't even spotted him inside. Had she missed him? or had he only just arrived? She'd have to ask Calla when she went back inside. "I am. Thank you for asking." She belatedly demurred. What did he see her as? Some foolish girl sitting out in the snow? A creamy cashmere shawl draped around a gown much too old for her? Or a lady mature and gentle, poised anything an evening might throw at her?

"It was just a bit warm inside." She found herself explaining. Despite their letters, despite having seen him several times before, Sisse was unsure what she should say. The last time they had actually spoken she had drastically overstepped, proved herself to be a meddling little sister like the one Matthew always claimed she was. She should say something more, should invite him to join her, or to escort her back instead, but she wanted to seem mature, lady like, so she held her tongue.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Alvin nearly hesitated. The reply almost felt stiff. Had he intruded on a wanted moment of solitude? Truthfully he'd come out for the same, so he certainly couldn't blame her. Maybe he should leave it to her to it then? "Agreed," he managed, unsure as to how to proceed.

It was strange to think anything with Miss Thompsett was awkward, he'd practically watched her grow up, the same as Sloane, but without his diminutive sister here as comparison anymore, and given life circumstances, Miss Thompsett decidedly looked the near-adult that she was tonight. "Did you want some peace and quiet?" He found himself asking, unable to let the uneasy feeling linger in the air between them. He wouldn't take it personally, especially if she needed a few minutes before going back inside. This holiday must not be very easy for her either, after losing her mother as well.

He could empathize and had come outside mostly for the same reasons. He was all riled up about Zinnia and just wanted to clear his head and wrap his brain around her situation. He was glad Gallagher had stepped up, but worried it wasn't going to be what she deserved. Not that he was in any better position to give her the life she was used to, but at least they were close, it wouldn't have been that hard.

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How many times had Sisse laughed with Sloane about a joke, chattered through a meal, run around in foolish games in front of Alvin, never thinking of him as anything more than Matthew? The easy years of her childhood had faded without her sparing a glance for the man who had shadowed plenty of their visits over breaks. She'd noticed him, it was impossible not to notice Sloane's handsome brothers, but she had always figured they thought of her only as a foolish young girl. And now? Now she had proven to him that she was nothing more than that. The knowledge hung between them like the mists of their breathes as they considered each other.

"I wouldn't mind the company." Sisse admitted. If she truly were a lady she ought to return inside, but it was clear that he considered her nothing more than a connection to his lost sister so where could the harm come in that? It wasn't as if he were Lester, drunk on fire whiskey, trying to voice words neither of them understood. No, she and Alivin both spoke the language of grief and that, beyond anything else, was what had tied them together since August. Nothing more. So she felt safe adding, "Would you like to join me? The gardens are so beautiful in the moonlight."

She could reconcile herself to this, reconcile herself to the fact that anything else she might have felt was merely as foolish an infatuation as it had been with Lester, and Ned, and Cam. It was not her fairy tale beginning. She could not let herself be that foolish young girl again. She was determined to be a lady and ladies didn't daydream about men who they had acted like foolish girls in front of.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Still somewhat hesitant, Alvin moved a little closer, but didn't take the seat beside her. She was a lady after all and he was pushing it by being out here alone with her. What a shift in thought that was. They had just discussed her debut and season the last time he'd run into her, it shouldn't be all that startling, but he'd lost his last tether to Hogwarts and it all felt more disconnected than expected.

"I've always marveled at the Potts gardens," he admitted. Growing up, bringing Sloane over to spend time with Calla, he and Zinnia also becoming friends by association. It helped that there were nearly as many Bixby siblings as there were Potts sisters and all relatively close in age. He was sure it made their mother's lives easier to just pile them all into this back garden and watch them from the sitting room window.

Even now, with only the evergreen trees surviving, he could see their dedication to the garden itself. There was the little pond just beyond where they sat, likely frozen over beneath the snow. It was normally surrounded by lush hydrangeas and peonies come summer. Sloane had fallen into it once, when she and Calla were younger and racing around the back yard. Funny how that time made him smile. "Spent a lot of my time here growing up, after we moved to town." He added, pulling himself out of those thoughts before they could take root and turn his mood even more sour.

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"It really is quite beautiful." Sisse agreed. No matter if it was covered in a blanket of shining snow, or blooming in the bright sun of summer, Mrs. Potts and her family had created a small sliver of Heaven here in these gardens. Her mother's own manicured garden at the back of their house paled in comparison. Sisse had loved spending time there as a child, reading beneath the tree, learning to sketch, to paint. But then she'd seen the Potts' gardens and she'd found herself hoping that one day she might have as lovely a place to spend her time as they did. Covetous, yes, but daydreams could have a hint of envy in them.

His words had Sisse turning more toward him, looking at him a bit closer. "Really?" She had known that Sloane and Calla had often spent time together before they had attended Hogwarts, had always felt like perhaps she was encroaching on a sacred sisterhood between them with her own friendship, but she hadn't realized that Alvin - Mr. Bixby - had spent time here as well. "Mother was always thought children should remain at home." Sisse found herself admitting, looking back out at the frozen pond. "When we moved here she hardly let my brothers and I beyond our own garden." She had hated that when she attended school and found that all the children had known one another except herself. If she were being candid with herself she could admit that she still resented it, resented how it meant she hadn't had the opportunity to form a bosom friendship as Calla and Sloane had. "I didn't get to meet anyone until I attended school." And then she had desperately held on to those friendship, even when it was foolish to do so, beyond when she ought to have. She could admit that now, couldn't she?

"Did you enjoy your time here?" Sisse found herself asking, wondering what young Alvin was like. What he had thought of the world before he had grown up and realized his own harsh realities as Sisse now was realizing her's.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

"There are a lot of us, was hard to keep us in the house." Five rambunctious children with far too much energy were hard to entertain indoors. "My mother and Mrs. Potts are friends. The twelve of us were all nestled in between each other. My oldest brother between the two oldest Potts girls, some overlap down the other end. I went to school with both Thistle and Zinnia. Wally and Dahlia were in the same year and then of course Calla and Sloane." He shrugged. It made sense to him, even though the oldest set had already started Hogwarts and didn't quite run around like the younger half, it had been a lot of fun. Chaotic, but fun. Throwing them all together to try and figure out how to entertain themselves.

"I think it was easier for them to just toss us all in the garden and hope nobody got hurt. Lots of pickup quidditch games, racing, tag." He laughed, imagining it now, the clear vision of them trying to maneuver his father's old brooms around the large garden, avoiding the trees and the pond. Or falling into the pond on purpose. "After Sawyer passed I think my mom loosened up a little bit, gave us a little more freedom, especially here." He'd been almost ten at the time, and he remembered it vividly. Losing a child in infancy was far different than losing Sloane, but no less tragic. Alvin often wondered what life would have been like if Sawyer had been around to grow up with Sloane, but it was hard to imagine a person who was still an infant in his mind. Add in almost losing Wally and Fiona Bixby astounded him every day with her resilience.

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Despite having been so close to both Sloane and Calla over the past six years, hearing Mr. Bixby relate their shared memories was a new perspective. The picture he drew for her was all too easy to see. "It sounds so lovely." She sighed, her gaze dancing over the garden envisioning those summer afternoons. The squeals and laughter. Part of her wished she had that, but that part of her that was determined to grow up decided in that moment that it was what she wanted for her future.

"I want that." She found herself admitting. Realizing that Mr. Bixby may not have followed her thoughts she looked up at the man, watching as the moonlight highlighted his pale skin. "Children running around in the backyard with their friends." She explained, her cheeks once again feeling warm. She looked away from him again. She wanted a family as tight knit as the Potts family, not the distant broken shell of a family that remained in the Thompsett house. "A happy family." The confession misted into the cold air of the night between them. "Friends around me." She found herself adding, "Around us." It would be a beautiful happy life, Sisse determined, one that would brush away the sorrows and bitterness of her early life. Just because she'd had a rough few years didn't mean she had to stay that way forever. She was in charge of her story, wasn't she?

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Alvin was still a little lost in his memories, but managed to latch on to what Miss Thompsett meant. He knew he wasn't the only one missing people tonight, but sometimes Alvin forgot, amidst his own family crises, that it wasn't that long ago that Miss Thompsett had lost her mother.

He refocused, even if he kept his gaze out on the moonlight garden. He wasn't usually the kind to read between the lines but heard the wistfulness in her voice and he could sympathize. Their losses were different, but shattering and he knew it forced people to grow up a little bit more than they were ready for. It had happened to him when Sawyer had died, but he knew it affected everyone differently too.

"I do too," he knew he'd always wanted a family some day, and it seemed father off than it should these days, Miss Thompsett was obviously closer, with her debut at the end of the school year. "I'm sure you'll have it someday." He added quietly, finally daring to look at her with a soft smile.

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Somehow Alvin's words took Sisse by surprise. She supposed she had never considered that a man might want the same thing she did. That they might also want a family and friends to surround them, a mess of loud children scampering through the halls of a home, friends visiting. And yet, how foolish it was to think a man might not want that either.

It took her a moment to realize he had spoken again but she met his eyes. "You will as well, Mr. Bixby." Her conviction in this belief had her standing up, taking his hand in her own and pressing it. "You will too." She found herself repeating as she kept his gaze. There were times in their letters, their conversations, the stories that Sloane had once flippantly told of her brothers, had made Sisse wonder if Alvin knew just how much he had to offer to the world. If he understood that he was worth something, that he had a future. For one evening, for one snow covered moment, she wanted him to see himself from someone else's eyes, to see his worth, to know that the future could be as bright for him as it was for her. It was why she didn't care if she was crossing boundaries, if she seemed like a foolish young girl instead of the woman she was, because it felt as if he needed to know, deep in his soul, that there was hope for him too. So she didn't back, didn't shy away, didn't do anything but act on her instinct to try and make someone else see just how admired they were.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Miss Thompsett's movements were unexpected and Alvin found himself freezing soon as he felt her hand on his. Uncertainty kept him locked in place where he was, meeting her serious gaze curiously. Her words registered, but Alvin was too busy wondering what was happening.

Knowing he was the adult here, Alvin gave her hand a brief squeeze before retracting his own, moving to scratch the back of his head awkwardly. He didn't know how to feel about the turn this had taken, but she had also gabbed his bad hand, and he was a little self-conscious about the mottled flesh there.

"I think we should probably go back inside." He offered, gesturing with his good hand toward the house. There was a little too much to unpack here when he was already in a weird headspace over Zinnia. He should have just let Miss Thompsett have the garden.

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For a moment it seemed as if Mr. Bixby understood what she was trying to tell him, the hope she was trying to physically give him as his fingers wrapped around her own, a gentle pressure returning her own. But then his hand slid from her's and it was as if Lester stood before her again. The gesture was almost identical and her heart dropped.

It was the dismissal, clear as day that cut the deepest though. She ought to have known she was too much, her heart too big, her dreams and excitement more than they ought to be. Foolish girl. That's what she was. Her eyes stung, there was no way she could go back inside now. Besides, it how would it look if they returned unchaperoned from the garden? It was one thing for her to wander outside on her own before her debut, another entirely to wander outside with a gentleman.

"You go ahead. I'll follow in a few minutes." Sisse told him as she stepped back, mustering a smile before looking back up at the moon. She closed her eyes, waiting to hear the crunch of his footsteps in the snow, retreating, waiting to be left alone again. Alone as she always seemed to be. All that bright hope, the conviction she had been holding on to, it seemed to slide away from her. She didn't want that to happen. She wanted to hold it close, to wrap it around herself like her shawl.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Feeling like he'd gone and ruined the moment, Alvin could only nod. That was probably for the better. Not that there was anything to be suspicious about, he rather thought it would look as such if they came strolling back into the party together.

He hesitated, unsure as to how to apologize or what for, exactly. His head was too jumbled, too full of a weird mix of thoughts to be able to explain himself and he didn't want to burden Miss Thompsett with his issues. Turning away, he turned back, shrugging out of his dinner jacket. "Keep warm." He said as he offered it to her. Even if she decided to leave it here in the snow, he had to at least try. Sloane would have killed him otherwise, but then again he could imagine the look on her face right about now. She would know what to say, but he could only wonder.

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For a moment it sounded as if Mr. Bixby was about to leave, but then he seemed to pause. At his words Sisse turned to look back at him. He was offering her his jacket? The gesture soothed some of the sting from just the moment before, but she knew she couldn't accept it. There would be too many raised eyebrows, much more than if she simply went inside with him.

She tried to smile, her lips turning upward, but she doubted it was very convincing. "Thank you, Mr. Bixby, truly. But I can't accept." There had to be a more ladylike way to handle this, to demur entirely. But she didn't want him to know that she wasn't unaffected by the gesture. This balance between sincerity and etiquette was going to be tougher than she had expected. Still, she had to remind herself that it was likely the big brother in him that even made him offer in the first place, not that she was a lady out in the cold. Matthew would have done the same had he been here. Henry too, although Henry could hardly be considered an elder brother, but he was a brother, and these days he did tend to do exactly what Matthew did.

  

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Thank you Bee <3 Your magic has made Sisse bloom

Sometimes he'd wondered just how Sloane had befriended Miss Thompsett, they had always seemed so different, but he could see that same stubborn sort of independence in situations like this. "Please, I've made a mess of the conversation somehow, it's the least I can do." Not to mention Sloane might smite him from the beyond if he didn't, but something kept him from saying that thought aloud. Sloane was still a sticky subject, easy to reminisce about, but hard to talk about outside of that.

"You can just hang it up when you come back in." He doubted anyone would bat an eyelash. He wouldn't need it inside, as long as Mrs. Potts didn't hang him for not having it on for company. Alvin continued to hold it out, hoping she wouldn't put up too much of a fight. It wasn't like he could argue with her and he wouldn't push either, but he would feel better if she wasn't out here freezing.

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