Her voice was uneven, but Ben flinched all the same. There was iron behind her words, and even though they weren’t directed at him, he was watching Ari. He saw when her words hit their mark. The lump in his throat grew, and he felt as if there was a vice around his abdomen, squeezing until he had no breath left. He wanted to go to Ari, to catch him, but it was as if Dionisia’s presence hadn’t left. As if there were still eyes watching them, boring into the both of them unwanted and burning.

Ben didn’t know what to do — what should he do? Ari was the healer here, not him. Ari was the one who knew how to react when Ben had royally fucked up. And yet the pieces this night had shattered into were something that neither of them could pick up. It was water slipping between their fingers, and as they were left scrambling, the air had shifted. Years of honing his instincts and never had Ben felt more on edge than now. He wanted to believe that they had a chance to fix this, but Dionisia’s words were still echoing in his head — no, that was Ari’s voice; empty and sounding far away.

My son.

“She didn’t mean that,” But of course she had, he wouldn’t insult Dionisia further by suggesting she was hysterical and not in her right mind after what she saw tonight. “We…we can fix this, Ari, she’s just had a shock.” He was grasping at words, coming up behind Ari and reaching his hand out. But instead of his palm finding Ari as it always seemed to, he dropped it. There was something heavy in the air, and it told him that he couldn’t make Ari feel better no matter what he did. “It’ll be alright.”

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   Ari Fisk

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Ari let out a blank laugh. She didn’t mean that. If only he could believe that. And Ben was trying, still – attempting to fix this.

He didn’t understand, then. Ari was a great proponent of fixing things, but there was no fixing this. There was no this left to fix – everything he had was broken beyond repair. His sham of a marriage to Dionisia had fallen apart. He had been lying to himself about being a good father to Elliott, evidently. And this was the end of his relationship with Ben.

He felt – he felt like he could have a panic attack: chest constricted, a sudden breathlessness as he sensed Ben reaching out – but the worst of it subsided when Ben’s hand fell away again. Ari exhaled shallowly, counted to five in his head, closed his eyes and briefly, selfishly, sought out some escape from the inevitable.

Of course there wasn’t one, but when he opened his eyes again at least he was newly resolved to it. “No,” he said calmly, tasting acid in his throat. “No, it won’t. I’m sorry –” this was a coward’s way to have a conversation, so he turned and forced himself to look Ben in the eye, “I’m sorry. It was a... mistake to ever involve you.” He meant to have put you through this, and he hoped Ben would come to forgive him, eventually; even after tonight, Ari couldn’t quite bring himself to call the last few years of happiness a mistake, though he knew now it had been. He cast his gaze a little hopelessly around the room, trying not to let bitterness get the best of him. It was over now, and there was little enough to be salvaged, but he wouldn’t storm out or yell or break down here. Maybe then at least Ben might believe he had a little dignity.

“I just,” Ari took a deep breath, checked himself again, “need a minute, and then I’ll go.” Where, he didn’t know: he couldn’t go home tonight – but he couldn’t stay here.

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The longer Ari stayed here, the more a sinking feeling settled in the pit of Ben’s stomach. This place had seemed like a refuge for them. Safe, where they could just exist; where they could just be. But that reality had been shattered the moment Dionisia walked through the door. And if Ben was being honest with himself, it had started fracturing the moment he’d forgotten to close the floo. Two measly little seconds was all it would have taken to secure their peace, but he’d gotten too distracted, too comfortable.

Two bloody seconds.

His eyes remained fixed on Ari, waiting. Trying to reassure Ari that everything would be alright had been a weak attempt to fix things. Both of them knew better. Ben’s stomach turned over once more. He wasn’t facing Ben, but there was something in the air that seemed to shift in the second before Ari spoke again. His eerie composure caused his heart to clench again. This wasn’t happening. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He would…he would close his eyes, and wake up, and Ari would be dozing in his arms, the sun would be streaming through the curtains and Dionisia would be waiting at their house with Elliot.

It was a mistake.

Ari was facing him now. His words landed harshly; a blow to the stomach that roiled violently. “No…” He could see where this was going. The air grew thin and he felt his throat constrict. “No Ari please don’t do this.” He could feel Ari retreating, could see it in the way he looked at anything in the room except for Ben. He’d gotten so used to feeling the way Ari searched for him in a crowd; returning the gesture had become second nature. So this time, when he reached out, Ben gripped Ari’s shoulders and searched his expression. “Please, I want to help. Let me - don’t do this alone.”

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   Ari Fisk

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Please don’t do this? Didn’t Ben see they didn’t have a choice? Didn’t Ben see it was all too late? Dionisia knew. She knew Ari had torn their marriage apart, lied and betrayed and humiliated her, and how could he ever be with Ben again and not think of that?

He almost wished he could. He wished he could stay here with Ben and shut out the world forever, forget everything else that he’d done. But how could he pay any penance for his decisions if he just kept making them over and over again? “You can’t help,” Ari said through gritted teeth and a burst of frustration that Ben was going to fight him on this, when he ought to know how comforting his grasp usually was. “I love you, but –” but, but, but – “there’s nothing you can do.”

He met Ben’s eyes for a moment, that deep familiar green, and shook his head deliberately. He peeled Ben’s hand from his shoulder and clung to it for a moment before letting his hand drop again. “Listen. She – she won’t tell anyone about you,” Ari said soberly, flatly, forcing himself to be rational. Dionisia could ruin his life if she liked, that was fine. And she was too kind a person to ruin Ben’s life, but she was was well within her rights to confide in someone else – who, he didn’t know – but Ari would do or say whatever he had to to keep Ben’s reputation intact, after he’d dragged him into this into the first place. “I promise that won’t happen. But I have to go.” He glanced at Ben once more, pleading; just willing him to understand without an argument.

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   Benedict Sterling

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His heart pounded in his chest, panic having taken up residence there long ago. How blissful it had been only moments before, just the two of them, and now it felt as if Ari was saying goodbye. Which made it that much worse. Not knowing when he would see Ari again gripped at him like a vice, and his stomach dropped as his hand was removed. He wanted so desperately to put his hand back, already feeling the absence. He wouldn’t just leave. He couldn’t. This was Ari, steadfast and enduring. But no, he was saying he had to, in order to distance himself; as if saving Ben's reputation would be better than going somewhere together where know one knew them.

But Ben had done it before. He had.

And for one mad moment, Ben wanted to seize Ari by the shoulders again, twist on the spot and take them away before rationale kicked in. Before he could tell his body to surge forward, he knew it wouldn't work. It was foolish. Ari would be furious, and Ben would loathe himself for trying to make this better in all the wrong ways. Even so — “Dammit, Ari you need to fight!” He burst out, desperation coating his voice as his breath hitched in his throat. “Fight this, fight for Elliot, for your family, for —” me. His eyes stung, and he swiped at them hurriedly; if his vision blurred too much, Ari would disappear. He was already disappearing. “Please…”

Even as the plea hit the air between them, it felt hollow. Where Ben threw punches, Ari braced. There was nothing he could do to change Ari’s mind. He wanted to fight for Ari. He wanted Ari to fight for them. For all the screaming or yelling in the world, Ari would do what he thought was right for everyone, and that was to isolate himself. Visions of the next day had already slammed themselves into Ben’s mind, with Ari nowhere to be found. There was nothing. There would be nothing. Hands laced through his hair, Ben pivoted. It was too much. His heart felt as if it were about to burst, and any words that came to him begging Ari to stay remained congested, swollen and deformed.

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Of course. Of course Ben wanted the argument. His words felt like a blow to the stomach, all the air sucked out of him. Fight this. It all sounded so easy in Ben’s head, as if by chasing the things he wanted it would just all work out.

And maybe life worked that way for Ben, but Ari couldn’t see a way out of this where he could keep everything, and he felt the panic rising in his chest again at seeing Ben’s distress. He fought that, fought it and the urge to break down until Ben had finally turned away.

“I can’t.” Ari pressed his knuckles to his mouth to stifle the sob in his throat. He’d always fought for Ben – didn’t he see? But he had to stop because he couldn’t fight for them all. Ben, Elliott, Dionisia – Ben would love him forever, and Dionisia might never forgive him. He could choose Ben again, and maybe one day they would exist far enough from this to forget it and be happy. He could choose Elliott and Dio now and it might all be for nothing, it might already be too little and too late. He’d done them wrongs enough.

But he still had to choose. He stood there for a moment longer with Ben’s back to him.

“Ben – I married her.” There was nothing else to say, so he swallowed and left.

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He married her because Ben had been too thick to see what was right in front of him. And now that he had, it was all going to be taken away. He felt useless and numb. Even feeling the baseboard of the bed dig into his back as he leaned against it might as well have been a soft poke compared to how his heart seemed to seize in his chest. But Ari had made his decision, and it was to leave him, and that was that.

His hands came down from gripping at his hair to covering his face as he sat slumped on the floor. The minute he heard the woosh of the floo, his fist came down hard on the floor beside him. Even as the pain radiated throughout his arm, it was nothing compared to seeing Ari leave.

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   Fallon Gillespie, Tycho Dodonus

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