Saturday, October 1, 1892 - The Hog’s Head

He was… tired.

Not fatigued. Not anymore than he’d grown used to. He spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling whenever he tried to climb into bed after classes, although more often than not he stared out the window of his classroom, only blinking back into existence when someone called his name. At least classes kept him fully engaged, kept his mind off everything that happened, but each moment he found himself alone he couldn’t help but rehash the conversations he had with Foxwood. Each thought became a small piece of guilt that buried him; would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. The what ifs were overwhelming but Gus wasn’t sure he’d do anything different if given the chance. His thoughts had become a putrid, rotten muck.

If only how he felt for Foxwood would do the same.

He’d been avoiding him like the plague since Thursday, which was quite easy given his reluctance to do anything that involved well… anything. After writing to Sophia (and her annoyance of forcing him to write instead of allowing him to sink into his own mind), he’d only left for class and food, and even then he only graced the Great Hall when he wanted something more than something from his dessert drawer.

It aches to even sit next to you in the Great Hall. So Foxwood could have the entirety of it and Gus wouldn't ever both to sit at the staff table again. That solved that problem, didn't it?

Dragging himself to Hogsmeade for his weekend off was difficult; Gus had penned a letter to his darling friend telling her not to bother, that he felt much better but he knew Sophia would easily call him out on his bullshit. It had winded up crumbled in the trash. So here he was, sitting in The Hog’s Head on a very uncomfortable stool  ahead of schedule with a warm fire whiskey settled on top of the letter he’d promised to bring – a ring of condensation had stained the envelope and more than likely smeared the writing of the letter but Gus had no intention of actually sending it. At least, not until the summer.

One year. He promised himself one year and nothing was going to make him run not matter how much he yearned to.

Not even Basil Fucking Foxwood.

He rubbed his chest where his heart was and felt the splinters of it stuck inside his chest; it had been hard to breathe for a few days and there were some days he’d woken up gasping for breath, soaked in his own sweat. The memory had become a nightmare, adding itself to a collection of moments that would haunt him forever. The fire whiskey dulled the pain as Gus downed the rest of the amber liquid in the glass before he motioned for another. It burnt going down but it was welcomed to the numbness that had been creeping up on him; instead it made his thoughts foggy, the noise from The Hog’s Head falling around him as the room almost floated.

Blue eyes flickered around the room and it was at that moment he saw Sophia Voss sweep into the pub. His angel of salvation. He abandoned the newly filled glass of fire whiskey as he stood to walk toward her, and without a word, stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. Gus soaked in her warmth and comfort, dropping his head to her shoulder. Then Gus pulled in a ragged breath as he tried not to sink into her; not here, not now. He didn't want to explain everything that happened when there were ears around, when something worse could happen, although half of him was open to the idea of being found out and sent away. It would make everything better, wouldn't it?

(No, no. it wouldn't.)

He needed Sophia to hear the whole story and force his mind back into clarity.

“Thank you for coming.” Gus finally managed to mumble after a long moment as he stepped back from her, his hand lingering on her elbow. “Come. I started without you.” And wasn’t that saying something?

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@"Sophia Voss"

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   Sophia Lissington

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Few reasons could tug Sophia away from her militant routine of practice and performance mid-season. Being on her deathbed or recovering from a catastrophic injury might count as one reason. Caring for family counted for another, although her children were so attuned to their ‘routine’ that even annual bouts of whooping cough seemed to follow a reasonable schedule oriented towards the off season.

So when Sophia requested an evening off to herself with no further elaboration, this extraordinary occurrence caused something of a five-alarm fire. ‘Official reasoning’ she kept vague about her family. To her longtime dance partner, Sophia revealed only a bit more.

“Gus is quite sick,” she confided to Dimitri after he charged to her dressing room with a mile-long pout and a list of grievances against the ballerina she selected to replace her in the performance. That sentiment instantly schooled his features to dramatic shock and horror, as the young man was forever obsessed with his mentor’s best friend (or ‘the beautiful ginger man’, he sing-songed in his heavy accent whenever Gus was due to visit).

“How sick,” he gasped, clutching nonexistent pearls. Sophia took a final inventory of supplies collected in her bag, things she expected to require based on Gus’s most recent letters. Her expression must have been a serious one, for Dimitri to pale at the glance up she gave him.

“I’m not sure, but it seems serious,” she admitted, and that much was true. Gus’s letters were a paltry comfort to know he was still alive and hadn’t yet absconded to a far-flung country. While she could relate to these feelings, and profoundly understood the impulse to decisively fix things – to stop the pain – their circumstances were different now than they were ten years ago. The things one comes to regret… are different. She hoped Gus had not yet done any of these regrettable things.

Sophia pulled a cloak over her shoulders to signal the end of their conversation. “I will write tomorrow regarding practice, if need be,” which she resolved will definitely need be.

Minutes later she apparated to Hogsmeade, and chartered a familiar trajectory to the Hog’s Head. It’s been ages since she stepped foot here, yet the sights and smells were as though no time passed at all. Yet there was some dissonance. Soph could not recall a time where Gus came here out of his own will, much less be the first to arrive. Their gazes met from across the room, and it was difficult for her to stomach how a teddy-bear could look so morose despite his crooked smile. The distance between them closed with a few rapid clicks of her heels on the floorboards, and she met Gus’s arms with the warmest, hardest hug she could manage.

“Oh Gus,” she sighed, voice undoubtedly muffled against his mop of hair as the man more-or-less crumpled against her much shorter stature. She gave the top of his head a kiss and rubbed his back in small circles while they stood. “There, there darling,” she muttered, pleased to finally get a better look at his state when they finally drew apart.

And to note the man was well on his way to drunk.

“I can see,” her voice on the edge of amused despite the way her brows furrowed in concern. She ignored his thanks – that she would come in his time of need should be obvious. “Allow me to catch up to you,” she said instead, dropping gracefully into one of the stools while depositing her bag and cloak with a single smooth flourish.

Without invitation, she took his firewhiskey and downed the cup. A messy Gus was good in some cases, but they had to do a bit of the tough work first. Her look said I’m doing you a favor.

“Fucking Merlin, it burns,” she groaned, eyes watering as she roughly set the cup back on the table. It would seem that it did not take long for her to grow accustomed to some of the finer whiskeys in life, as of late. Then she waved to the barmaid who eyed them surreptitiously from behind the counter, motioning for two more.

Speaking of burning and yearning, as it were, Sophia used her elbows on the table as a prop to lean towards her friend. “Don’t bother with the Zalatimos yet, I take the sour before the sweet,” her expression was determined, and anxious. “I want to know everything, dear. But first, how are you feeling now?”

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   Gus Lissington

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thank you gin for the set<3

Sophia always smelled nice, something akin to walking through the forest with hints of mint and honey. “Eucalyptus,” he thought he remembered her saying once, but he focused more on the sweeter side than he did on the herbal. Either way it was a comforting scent and Gus closed his eyes with a slight hum as he felt her wrap herself around him. Even as they pulled away and made their way toward the stools he’d just come from, Gus had a feeling that she was going to make everything okay again.

Despite her downing the rest of his fire whiskey. His eyebrows knitted together and he frowned at her, his eyes drawn toward the now-empty cup. It was fair for Sophia to catch up, or at least have something in front of her because Gus knew she’d be horrified by the entire situation. Instead of replying his frown morphed into a lopsided grin. (More so because he focused on her tone rather than the pointed look she tossed at him, but Sophia would understand why he started early once she had the full story.)

Once his friend turned toward him, the professor’s face fell.

Oh yeah. Instead of knowing he had to talk to her about the events, he was actually faced with having to. At least Sophia was allowing him to collect his thoughts with the question instead of forcing him to jump right in.

Groaning quietly, Gus tilted his head toward the ceiling to avoid making any form of eye contact with Sophia. She knew him well enough to know he had a plan (as one always did when things were going astray), but she wasn’t going to like it. No one ever did. He sighed then as he tapped his fingers against his chin, but the more he waited the worse his news was going to get. So after what felt like an eternity of avoiding her question altogether, he lowered his gaze toward the table and grabbed the envelope that he’d been using as a coaster prior, the paper still wet from the condensation.

“I’m leaving.” Gus winced when she spoke, finally casting a glance at her as he offered the letter. Despite all his promises to stay nearby, here he was gearing up to run away. He wet his lips. “As long as Gringotts will allow me back, but I wasn’t above begging so I don’t see why they won’t.” He'd give up every last shred of dignity and beg on his knees if he had to. It didn’t matter that the ink had probably run together at this point from the water and he’d have to rewrite it (maybe he’d even try to sweet talk Soph into writing it for him with her beautiful script rather than his nearly impossible to decipher chicken scratch.

His stomach fell and he looked at the fresh glasses of fire whiskey set in front of them as the bartender brought them over. “God, Soph. I royally messed this up.” Gus nervously raked his fingers through his hair. If he’d bothered to get his scarf back from Basil yet he would be fiddling with the frayed edges, but without it he dropped his hands back to the surface of the bar to tap his fingers against it.. “And I can’t… I can’t fix it. He told me it’s hard to be around me and he was there first, so it only makes sense that he gets Hogwarts and I go back to where I belong.” To a place where I can’t hurt people.

He picked up the glass and drank until he felt like was drowning.

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   Sophia Lissington

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Sophia held her position there, almost imploring with her elbows on the table and hands clasped in silent prayer. It would take Gus a moment to collect himself, she knew. No one can just dive in to re-opening their wounds by choice. So her bright blue eyes blinked slowly, signaling that she was quite ready to wait as long as necessary for him to come up with the right words.

And then he did – and she sucked in a harsh breath. The woman grabbed the letter as he extended it, eyes flicking from the paper up to him briefly as he started to explain. In time, the breath ebbed out her lungs bit by bit. So— he wasn’t leaving for good, absconding to another country where she very well may never see him again. Slowly she read his letter, guessing from the miserable state of his handwriting he’d written this in the same emotional downpour he’d written to her earlier this week.

Soon the woman’s hands dropped to her lap, letter still in hand as he finally started to open up. It was — about the reason she expected all along. The flags were raised as early as when they met up this summer, and she could see how hard Gus was falling in love again. No one here should be surprised that it’s gone the way it has, but it could scarcely keep Sophia’s stomach from roiling with anger and sadness.

“Hey, hey,” she injected herself with an insistent tug at his arm that raised his whiskey glass, new cup already half-cleared. “Come now Gus. Save some for the fish,” she playfully admonished, a ghost of a sad smile flickering over her face. She kept her hand curled around his bicep, even as her other hand moved to withdraw her wand. A careless flick and they had a silencing charm set up around them, a loose protection from any prying ears. Though she kept her voice quiet anyway, as she leaned forward towards her friend.

“What in blazes does he mean, where you belong,” she seethed, though with enough tact to keep her ire in check. The point wasn’t to make Gus hate Basil as much as she did. The point was to take care of Gus. “Gringotts will take one of your talents in a heartbeat, darling,” she reminded him gently. “But setting that aside for a moment…” What was fixed, and what did he mess up? Had he and Basil finally come to some sort of… agreement on their relationship? It seemed hard to believe the prude would accept as much.

Sophia gave her friend’s arm another squeeze. “Oh, Gus… Is it… Is it that you told him you love him?” She could see how this could explode in their faces spectacularly.

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thank you gin for the set<3

There was something about Sophia that was calming. Maybe she always picked the same kind of perfume to wear around him because he constantly needed her support in some way, or maybe it was because Gus knew he could trust her with his life. He flinched when he felt her arm curl around his bicep, although he realized it, especially as the world around them quieted enough that he could scream and no one might hear him.

Then he winced and shook his head, because Gus knew he had to start from the beginning for Sophia to get the entire picture of what had transpired. “Let me explain, and you’ll see I probably don’t belong here.” He swallowed then, and stared down at his own hands on the bar. “Yes and no. It’s… well, it’s hard to explain what happened, but I’ll try.” Gus pulled in a sharp breath of air as he thought back to a few days ago, wondering how many details he could leave out with it still making sense. He loved Sophia, he did, but sometimes she looked at an interaction through a different lens than he did, and didn’t understand why he’d done what he had. (Maybe because she was sane and there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for Basil Foxwood.)

His teeth worried his bottom lip before he sighed, his fingers raking through his hair. “When I saw him, I knew he wasn’t in his right mind. He looked so… disheveled, and approaching him was like walking toward a frightened, wounded animal. I knew it wasn’t going to end well, but I wanted to do it anyway. He looked like he needed a friend, and that’s what we’re supposed to be, right?” Gus dropped his hand toward the table, where he drummed his fingers against the edge of the bar. He sighed loudly. “I hugged him and he told me to go, because he didn’t trust himself to be a gentleman around me.” The very thought made him snort. “And of course I said I didn’t care. We went back and forth, all while he kept trying to push me away.” All Basil had said was how much he wanted to lose control and kiss him, to want him, to do things that men shouldn’t do to other men, yet Gus had been willing. He wanted it too.

His fingers paused against the bar top and he finally took a peek at his dear friend. “He acknowledged that I love him, and then, he said I love you too.” Gus inhaled sharply as he dropped his elbows to the table, his chin resting against his palms. “I can’t tell you how long I waited to hear that, but of course people like me aren’t meant to be happy, are they? He chose between me and his family as if I’d been the one to present him the options, but I’d never… god Soph, I’d never make him choose. Instead he told me we can’t be friends but we can’t be strangers, and I’m so… so sick and tired of living in limbo.” Gus had told Foxwood to figure out what he wanted to be; it wasn't going to be up to him.

Gus exhaled sharply as he turned to look at her. “I told him to figure out what we were and I walked away like he meant nothing to me.” He wasn’t sure what would have happened if he would have fought for him then; would it have ended the same way, with a relationship dead and broken at his feet? Or could he have convinced Foxwood that he could both; that of course he’d be kept a secret because it was required for people in relationships like theirs. He’d spent the last few nights staring at the ceiling replaying the conversation over and over, trying to imagine just how different it could have been if he’d had a backbone and fought for the man.. “Existing in his space is difficult, so I want to go back to where I belong. Egypt, Brazil, somewhere in the deserts of the Middle East. I just need to go where I can’t hurt people.”

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Slowly Sophia’s fingers fell away from her hold on Gus, letting her dear friend navigate the treacherous waters of what he ought to explain. A move she understood completely – the mental tradeoffs a person makes, on which wounds are worth reopening to tell the full story. Sophia hoped he trusted her enough to tell it all. Fingers interlaced to create a small steeple for the ballerina to rest her chin thoughtfully, blue eyes worried as Gus struggled for words.

For a moment her lips ticked into a deeper frown, knowing how caring Gus could be. The lengths of self-sacrifice that he would go to for those he held dear – something she admired about her friend deeply. Something that also seemed to inflict nothing but pain, when the world in which they lived was nothing but selfish. (Basil, in this particular case, struck Sophia as nothing but selfish. A thought she knew could never be confessed, not to her sweet friend who remained nothing but head over heels in love with him.)

The man’s next words confirmed it so. Subconsciously they mirrored each other – Sophia sucking in a deep breath as he muttered the words love, their blue eyes level with each other as they rest their elbows on the table. Like they were back in school again, two dejected souls sulking in the Great Hall after an evening that did not go their way. Perhaps… because of that reason, that memory, Sophia knew. It may feel very well like the world is ending for Gus right now, but the man would come out alive on the other side. THey always did.

“You are meant to be happy, Gus,” she cut in with the reminder before he could get much further, voice low as she glowered at him for even thinking that way. But then she held her tongue, silently processing what he said. The idea that Basil did want him back, the confounding circular logic of finding love and summarily throwing it aside the moment you think you are not worthy of it. The acute anguish of loving who you cannot that made everything so much worse.

“Oh, darling,” she sighed finally, straightening only a touch once he’d finished, lips dipped into a pronounced frown. Finally, Sophia’s impulse caved, and she reached out to see if she could hold Gus’s hand. “Oh, my dear Gus. I am so incredibly proud of you.”

Perhaps a strange way to open after everything that he’d confessed, but it felt important to start with the truth. Though her eyes glistened from his pain, this wasn’t her story to cry to. It was his, and he needed to do what was right for him.

“You said what you needed to,” Sophia confessed as much, setting aside his impulse to run away for the moment. “My sweet Gus. You think only about how you might hurt people. Never once considering how badly people have hurt you. Which is why I’m proud that you finally said what needed to be said… Admitting, even when it was so hard, that you deserve better than this.” The woman paused then, eyes drifted down back to her drink in thought. This was a situation that truly, she had a difficult time swallowing. Though not entirely the same, it felt so much like what happened to Sophia and her husband.

“Do you remember when I wrote you, that summer I was forced to come back from tour to debut for the season with my sisters? I was given a choice then too, you know. Between family or love. Between expectation and passion.” The woman took an absent sip from her cup, wondering if he would understand where she was going with this. That was the heartbroken first year Gus spent abroad, so she could not blame him if he forgot.

“I tried. Oh how I tried, how I made every attempt to please my family and be the bright and shiny trophy they needed me to be. But I was never a trophy, was I? I’ve only always been sword. I have a very specific purpose in this world, try as I did to deny it.” Sophia’s frown flipped into a twitch of a sad smile. “It took me an entire year to realize that this was all wrong. That I could never be all that my family wished me to be. An entire year more that I could have had with Jacob, wasted simply because… I hoped I could hide away who it was that I was meant to be all along. To this day, that is my life’s greatest regret.” Letting out a shaky sigh, Sophia took another sip of her drink and set the cup roughly back on the table, leaning forward towards Gus as she did.

“I say this because I understand Basil. I may not know the particulars of this situation, but I know the choice he has to make, between family and love. Gus, it is a choice that he will need to make all his own. A regret that is his burden to bear, not yours. Does what I’m saying make sense?” Sophia bit her lip worriedly, and looked at him imploringly.

“Gus, it pains me to think… that you don’t feel you deserve every happiness in this world yourself. A life free from this sort of pain. So to tell Basil that he has to sort himself out, to walk away from him in that moment so you can finally heal yourself, perhaps pursue your own happiness… I promise you. I promise you it was the right thing to do, no matter how bad this wound stings now.”

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thank you gin for the set<3

He heaved a sigh at the very thought of him being meant to be happy; Gus loved Sophia with all his heart but he knew he’d never be able to make her understand he wasn’t. If he was, he would have been born normal and happily married with a few children of his own to love day in and day out instead of pining after someone who picked him up like a doll when he was bored and cast him away when someone more exciting caught his attention. (Or really, cast away when his family scoffed that a male was playing with a doll to begin with. How fitting.)

Taking her hand, Gus couldn’t help but squeeze it; his anchor to a world that he was drowning in, and the day she decided to let go was the day he drowned. Sophia would move one day, that much he realized with a dulled flare, probably back to Russia or to another country where she was appreciated more than she was in England. He wondered how odd it would be to follow her when that time came because recently he’d needed her like he needed air to breathe – where he’d be without her with everything going on with Basil was a thought he didn’t want to linger on.

He pursed his lips together as he glanced down at the bar table, taking his hand from within hers in favor of strumming them against his own leg. Condensation soaked the tabletop near the bottom of his drink and he found it much more interesting to watch than hearing the hurtful words his dear friend was saying. How could she be proud of them when he’d ruined the one chance he may have had? Gus didn’t care if people hurt him, because she was right in the fact that he never did stop to consider it; he was used to it, but then again he’d made a habit of surrounding himself with people who he considered kind in a cruel world. Those people wouldn’t harm him, not intentionally at least. Gus didn't reply to it, instead he only managed to hum.

Blue eyes flickered to Sophia and Gus nodded. “You were so angry. How could I ever forget?” He remembered her sneaking out to practice ballet anyway, and sometime in there Jacob’s name became more and more frequent in their letters until he could only assume that Sophia was in love with him despite their differences. His own lips curled into a frown as she spoke about him. Gus had always liked Jacob, finding that he was the ying to Sophia’s yang, the calm to the storm that was Sophia Voss. When she’d married him a part of her had finally come to life, like her soul had been waiting to live just for him. They had been the embodiment of happiness, and every time she spoke of Jacob, Gus’ heart broke for her. She’d lost a part of herself that she wouldn’t ever be able to get back.

“But it’s never going to be me, Soph.” Gus did get it; Sophia had chosen Jacob over her family but Basil would never be able to do that. He wouldn’t regret it either. Hell, the man was content with his life as it was and it would always be Gus bleeding from his heart for someone he couldn’t ever have. “I don’t know… I don’t know how to even move on. I just want to wait for him even if he’ll never come for me. I’ll die there, but that’s okay, isn’t it?” Gus grit his teeth together. “How do you do it? Go on without Jacob? I mean, I know I’ve always lived without Basil… but this feels final. And I know this isn’t even a fraction of the pain you’ve felt losing him. I just,I don’t know who I am if I’m not waiting around for him.” The thought was almost laughable, and he managed an almost hysterical one as he shook his head. He'd be unhappy, that much was certain. He wasn’t sure he wanted to heal – feeling the heartache would remind him that he never wanted to fall in love again.

(Though he was him – Gus fell in love much too quickly and much too deeply. It was going to kill him in the end.)

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Sophia sensed that she  wasn’t getting through to him. Though Gus gave her no indication of such, and he certainly sat there and listened, she knew what ‘getting through’ looked like on her dear friend and this wasn’t it. The redhead lay somewhere behind an impenetrable fog of sadness instead, a reality that pierced her heart into a million pieces. Truly of all the people in the entire world – Sophia cursed the skies – why did it have to be Basil with whom he was so hopelessly, terribly in love? The woman did not think for an instant that the man would ever turn a corner. And it seemed, Gus didn’t care if he didn’t either. For Sophia, the thought of not sacrificing for the sake of love felt beyond unforgivable – and her closest friend, her bosom brother, electing to waste away for the sake of it felt untenable.

So at his declaration - it’s never going to be me - her face visibly scrunched in remorse over the idea. This was a fate most monstrously undeserved! Not when so many other people with uglier hearts went about life taking whatever they wanted. “I don’t think you should wait around until you die,” she put succinctly, as much as she could muster saying without delving into territory where neither of them would ever see eye to eye. Gus did not deserve this fate.

Though his sense of not knowing who he really was without Basil – that feeling was one that Sophia understood profoundly. She thought over it, taking another deep swig of her whiskey to consider her response. The woman’s face felt pleasantly flush by it already.

“I go on because I have no other choice,” she finally admitted, setting her chin carefully on the top of her fist. “To leave Cosette and Julien. To leave my chosen family in the ballet. I could not bring myself to do such a thing.” It was perhaps not the words she wanted to give Gus in this moment, but it was… the truth. And Sophia would always give him the truth.

“Over time, the pain grows less acute. Sometimes– well, it comes in waves. But now it is more a dull, constant ache. I look forward…” she grimaced slightly, but closed her eyes to will herself through the thought. “I don’t wish to forget Jacob, ever. But I look forward to the day where I feel no more love for him. You see, it is possible to love that which cannot love you back… but you know perhaps as well as I do. Every day that passes in this circumstance breaks you more. Whittles you down until one day, you are left wondering if there is anything left of you to love at all.”

When Sophia opened her eyes, they were misty, but there were no more tears there. It’s been nearly two years, after all. “I’ve accepted this reality now, and I’ve accepted the idea that I deserve to heal from this pain. I’m looking for what’s left of me to love. Prioritizing that over all else. That… that is enough to exist for awhile, I think. And perhaps find peace someday.”

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thank you gin for the set<3

Gus wanted to sigh because he wasn’t sure that he and Sophia were on the same page, but she was trying to protect his heart in ways that he wasn’t, not anymore at least. He mirrored her in taking a swig on his drink, finding that whatever was coming next he probably wouldn’t want to remember. His heart already hurt and there was no putting it back together; wasn’t it true one only had one soulmate? It just happened that Basil’s was going to be someone else’s. Gus resigned himself to living a long, lonely life filled with friends he’d loved dearly.

Guilt twisted into his stomach as he watched his dear friend, knowing damn well he shouldn’t have asked about Jacob. He reached out to gently squeeze her arm because Sophia was right – he knew exactly what it was like to love someone who wouldn’t ever return the feelings. It came with the life of the damned he’d chosen. He could change it in the blink of an eye with a proposal to someone who he could platonically love, but that wasn’t a life for him. Gus wanted to give someone his all, and if he couldn’t, he didn’t want to be a part of it.

“I love every part of you, Soph. The good, the bad, the broken, the damned. There isn’t an inch of you that I don’t love and I’m afraid there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” Gus wasn’t ready to accept the reality of his life without Basil Foxwood; he’d spent nearly a decade avoiding him and now, after reconciling he’d let him slip out of his fingers forever. He’d hurt him and destroyed his life in ways he wasn’t proud of, and because of that he’d have to carry a pain that he’d never deserve to heal from. How dare he try to drag someone else into the life of damnation for the stupid concept of love.

He hadn’t lost Basil in an accident like Sophia had Jacob. She deserved love and happiness. All Gus did was leave ash and ruin in his wake. But instead of voicing that his mouth twisted into a forced smile as he gave her arm a gentle squeeze before he dropped his hand back to the table. “Isn’t there a spell, or something for this? To speed up falling out of love?” Because he couldn’t do this for another decade – and if Gus left, he was leaving for good this time.

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Are you student? Learn how to earn house points!

Something Sophia learned about grief, at least, is that it helps to speak about it. Gut-wrenching as it may feel, having the trusted companionship of someone able to bear witness… helped tell the story. Her hand subconsciously moved to cover Gus’s grasp on her arm, and she gave his fingers a squeeze. If her eyes got a bit misty over what her friend said next, she would never mention it (would chide Gus, too, if he even breathed about it).

“Well. That’s good, because I feel the same way, my broken little gingersnap. Look at the two of us, tragic romantics. What a damned sight we must be.” She punctuated the emotional moment with a breezy sigh that devolved into a short chuckle, and leaned forward to press her forehead against Gus’s shoulder. Surely, everyone in this little tavern must think them affectionate like lovers. She didn’t give a flying fuck about it, frankly– optics-wise, they were likely better off. (Unless one of Gus’s work colleagues waltzed through the door – that would spell some treacherous luck now, wouldn’t it? Though she was sure most of the instructors were far too posh to step foot in a place like this.)

She laughed wryly when she pulled back away then, and waved absently for the barmaid to grant them two more drinks. “There’s only one technique that I know of,” she said in a sage, dramatic whisper, as though letting Gus into a secret of legends. “It starts with… an inordinate amount of intoxicating substances like alcohol,” she started, deadpanning her most serious expression. “And then, one finds a different companion. One who doesn’t mind if you’re a bit sloppy, anyhow.” The act finally dropped at mention of sloppy, and she covered her face when a brilliant blush and giggles overcame her.

“It’s no magic bullet. But goodness does it feel good enough to make you numb until your heart catches up to the reality of things.” Depressing as it may be. Their third (or fourth…?) drink arrived, on cue, to their hands.

“Perhaps we pause the melancholy for now. No doubt we are destined for many more days like these in this lifetime yet,” Sophia sighed eventually once she’d composed herself. She cradled her face in a hand propped up by her elbow on the table. “You said you brought treats. And you know, I brought cards. What are you up to the rest of this evening? Besides wallowing?”

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thank you gin for the set<3

Gus couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled out of his throat. They were a wreck, weren’t they? Two love sick individuals yearning for unattainable people – it would be much, much easier if they could get together and call it a day, but it would be entirely unfair to Sophia to even consider that option. He wouldn’t care if she stepped out, hell, he’d encourage her to find release in a place that didn’t involve him touching it with a ten foot pole, but at the same time he would want to be a good husband. The situation sounded messy and not one he wanted to entertain. Not with her, and most certainly not with anyone else.

“Wouldn’t want to be like this with anyone else.” Gus replied as he leaned his head against her head. Sophia was always safe, and someone he would always trust his secrets with. He lifted his head as she pulled away, although he found himself leaning toward her with his chin in his palm, humming quietly as she spilled her secrets. He chuckled quietly at the thought of him having a messy hookup that involved copious amounts of alcohol; it wasn’t like he didn’t have people he could owl. Egypt had a plethora of people he’d gone to bed with.

“I think I can handle something like that.” He finally replied. “Do you remember Vince from this summer?” Gus rubbed the back of his head, because Vincent Iago brought a whole different ball of emotions, but they’d always remained friends. Sex was just sex between them, and they were both happy to use the other for releases. His cheeks flushed red then, and maybe it was the alcohol that kept his mouth moving, but he kept on talking. “He doesn’t mind sloppy, but then again he’s always the one erm…” He was always the one receiving and Gus knew just where to hit where he liked, but that seemed a bit too intimate for Soph. He cleared his throat. “I’m quite good, you know, at what I do. I’ll send him an owl.”

He laughed and leaned forward to poke the tip of her nose with his finger. “If you will take me, I will spend the rest of the evening right by your side, kicking your ass at poker. We can figure out bets later.” It was hard to wallow when he was with Sophia; she knew all the right things to say, and even if he felt like he was going to die now, somehow he knew that this woman he didn’t deserve to have in his life would be the person to pick up every last shard of him and put him back together.

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Are you student? Learn how to earn house points!

Sophia kept her elbows propped on the table, cupping her face in delicate hands. She returned his chuckle with a mischievous grin; clearly her suggestions didn’t seem too off base for him. After all these years she liked to think she knew when Gus was being cocky, in his genteel and persistently affable way. He had stories to tell. Blue eyes widened when he dropped Vince’s name.

“Vinceee,” she intoned, hissing his name with dramatic breathlessness. Sophia adored meeting him last time, and thought they seemed to make each other quite happy. Though clearly, people like Gus and Sophia always pine for what they can’t have. “Why you naughty professor, I have no doubt you are quite good,” she couldn’t help but cackle, straightening up to swat at his shoulder with her glove. Though bedding August Lissington has never been a serious thought that crossed Sophia’s mind, the sentiment delighted her to no end. “I knew you weren’t this hapless.”

His little nose-poke made the generally graceful ballerina scrunch her entire face up (not unlike Cosette’s face when she tasted a lemon). Though she didn’t stay sour for long, for his proposal sounded like just the right medicine for the weeks they’ve had. “Oh you’re on, my darling ginger. And I shan’t go easy on you because I feel sorry for you, either,” she warned playfully, just as their next round of drinks arrived. Sophia took her cup and stood up. “Come now. Let’s find somewhere where we can be comfortable. We can bet on sharing our stories and antics – I, for one,” she tugged at his arm as she leaned close to his ear, “Am determined to keep that blush on your face, and learn all about what had Vince smiling so sweetly at you.”

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thank you gin for the set<3