The seconds of silence seemed to grow exponentially as he pondered her words, her stupid, stupid words. She should have left it alone, trusted his praise for what it was, and enjoy the rest of their night together.  When he did speak, she felt herself relax. Anything short of full condemnation for being here with him, as counterproductive as that would be to his goal of continued pleasure (she put so little faith in the intelligence of men), was a relief. She'd meant it when she told him weeks ago that Society was shortsighted and ridiculous, but it was so much easier to apply that to her beloved pirate and his bewitching earrings. She could rebel in head and heart, she'd done so most of her life, but truly living it was another matter. She was still a woman and, yes, being a widow allowed her considerable ease she lacked as a girl, but it did not fully change the expectations. She could be more easily in the company of men, forego a chaperone, and wear more daring things, but months of relations with a bachelor was still taboo. She wasn't an idiot, married women and widows took lovers every day, but that didn't mean they craved and studied pleasure the way Angel did, the same way she devoted herself to her studies in school. How could she still question such a thing?

She knew how. She knew the name of the shadow that still made her question her actions, made her question what she could feel when she touched the man holding her now. Viktor's voice was still in her head, still capable of digging in. A dead man making her question a living one, what a sick state of affairs. Still, it was her standing with her living lover now studying her far too closely that had her flushing.

"Of course it wouldn't. Please, put it from your mind. It was a silly thing to ask." She made the excuse, was ready with an apology when the absurdity of it hit her. He never acted scandalized by her desires, if anything, he encouraged her. With a huff of annoyance at her own indecision, she amended her earlier statement. "Perhaps it is silly, but it can be...difficult to find the words for such actions. Ladies are not meant to voice such things. We certainly are not meant to desire them." She made the mistake of meeting his eyes, his frown and examination making her feel entirely ridiculous. "Please don't look at me like that. I know, it sounds absurd." It was a fight to keep from burying her face in her hands, but she succeeded. Still, she averted her eyes for a moment, her own lingering discomfort palpable.

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