Ben regretted asking for a minute, when she reached out and picked Elliott up off the floor. The gesture seemed protective to him, as though she had just been reminded that this was more complicated and felt she needed to physically reinforce some boundaries rather than just answering his question verbally. Maybe it was stupid of him to have expected even this much. Obviously he couldn't teach his son to ride a broomstick, or do anything with him that would increase the risk of being seen together, but maybe even this was too much. Maybe when Elliott had touched his knee just then, it had been the only time his son would ever touch him (aside from when he'd hugged him at the Christmas festival, but that had been different — he hadn't known then).
Only when she spoke, that wasn't what she was saying at all. Then she smiled, and then she touched his arm, which really drove home that she wasn't just saying that; she actually meant it. It took him a moment to process that, to let it sink in, because of the two of them, he thought that she had so much more to lose than he did. Maybe not from her perspective, he supposed, because she didn't know anything about him and Melody. He'd agonized over whether or not to tell her about this, true, but only because he was trying to be better, moving forward. If this had happened a month ago, he might not have fretted over it at all, and if something had happened that brought the matter to her attention — or to the attention of the general public, really — the worst that could happen was just another fight. They fought all the time, and seeing Elliott was well worth the risk. Ben had known that even before he'd met him, but having interacted with him for a few minutes now confirmed it in his mind. She, on the other hand, had a marriage that, if perhaps not entirely conventional, at least was built upon mutual trust. She was running a bigger risk than he was, inviting him here — so it was unexpected, to say the least, to hear that she wanted to put the ball back in his court.
"Of course I — of course I want that. Want him," Ben answered immediately. There was no scenario he could currently imagine where he could have a child out in the world and not be interested in knowing them, if he had the option. This was a change in him, certainly, because he had never expected he might want children, before. He hadn't even been sure whether or not he wanted them after his marriage, when Melody had taken the potion. It was seeing Art and Desdemona struggle through the aftermath of their miscarriage that had given him the first inkling that his feelings had changed, though he still hadn't been sure that he and Melody were capable of raising children together. The desire had been planted, though, and quietly growing. Hearing about Elliott's existence in January had woken it up, brought it to light, and now it was ferocious; he would have moved mountains for this kid.
She had taken her hand off of his arm, and he scooted a little nearer to her on the floor, trying to reestablish that sense of closeness without necessarily replicating the contact. "I only ask because — because I want what's best for him," he said, struggling slightly to find the words to phrase what was on his mind. "And I know that might not... That maybe it's not... well, eventually, this would have to stop," he said, looking not at her or at Elliott but at the blank space on the floor between them where the picture books were spread out. "It's — I want whatever you think you can give me. I do," he looked up at her just long enough to flash half a smile, to reassure her that he meant it. "But I don't want to confuse him, or anything. And you said he's perceptive, and — well — does your — does your husband know about this?"
He hadn't really wanted to ask — he was hardly one to throw stones regarding other peoples' marriages, and he already knew the answer since she'd picked the date and time around her husband's work schedule, so that she would be home and her husband would be out. He didn't want to sound like he was judging her for that, but — well, it was something they were going to have to talk about, if she was actually serious about giving him any sort of regular access to Elliott. They'd both be playing with fire, if neither of their spouses knew about this.
MJ made this <3
Only when she spoke, that wasn't what she was saying at all. Then she smiled, and then she touched his arm, which really drove home that she wasn't just saying that; she actually meant it. It took him a moment to process that, to let it sink in, because of the two of them, he thought that she had so much more to lose than he did. Maybe not from her perspective, he supposed, because she didn't know anything about him and Melody. He'd agonized over whether or not to tell her about this, true, but only because he was trying to be better, moving forward. If this had happened a month ago, he might not have fretted over it at all, and if something had happened that brought the matter to her attention — or to the attention of the general public, really — the worst that could happen was just another fight. They fought all the time, and seeing Elliott was well worth the risk. Ben had known that even before he'd met him, but having interacted with him for a few minutes now confirmed it in his mind. She, on the other hand, had a marriage that, if perhaps not entirely conventional, at least was built upon mutual trust. She was running a bigger risk than he was, inviting him here — so it was unexpected, to say the least, to hear that she wanted to put the ball back in his court.
"Of course I — of course I want that. Want him," Ben answered immediately. There was no scenario he could currently imagine where he could have a child out in the world and not be interested in knowing them, if he had the option. This was a change in him, certainly, because he had never expected he might want children, before. He hadn't even been sure whether or not he wanted them after his marriage, when Melody had taken the potion. It was seeing Art and Desdemona struggle through the aftermath of their miscarriage that had given him the first inkling that his feelings had changed, though he still hadn't been sure that he and Melody were capable of raising children together. The desire had been planted, though, and quietly growing. Hearing about Elliott's existence in January had woken it up, brought it to light, and now it was ferocious; he would have moved mountains for this kid.
She had taken her hand off of his arm, and he scooted a little nearer to her on the floor, trying to reestablish that sense of closeness without necessarily replicating the contact. "I only ask because — because I want what's best for him," he said, struggling slightly to find the words to phrase what was on his mind. "And I know that might not... That maybe it's not... well, eventually, this would have to stop," he said, looking not at her or at Elliott but at the blank space on the floor between them where the picture books were spread out. "It's — I want whatever you think you can give me. I do," he looked up at her just long enough to flash half a smile, to reassure her that he meant it. "But I don't want to confuse him, or anything. And you said he's perceptive, and — well — does your — does your husband know about this?"
He hadn't really wanted to ask — he was hardly one to throw stones regarding other peoples' marriages, and he already knew the answer since she'd picked the date and time around her husband's work schedule, so that she would be home and her husband would be out. He didn't want to sound like he was judging her for that, but — well, it was something they were going to have to talk about, if she was actually serious about giving him any sort of regular access to Elliott. They'd both be playing with fire, if neither of their spouses knew about this.
MJ made this <3