It has been - what, how many months now? Maybe five-ish months now since I've last heard from you directly. It is the longest we've gone without context ever. At least since we met.

I've heard note of you in the papers - you've made quite a name for yourself lately. But papers have proved to need to be taken with a grain of salt.

What has really happened to you Bella? Are you okay? Where are you? Why haven't you answered me? Made contact? You know none of what happened would have prompted me to stop speaking to you.

I've gotten angry at you a number of times. For not reaching out. For not coming to me for help. For not saying a word these five months. You were my best friend. I see now that meant very little when the going got tough. It was an abrupt awakening to see how little I meant to you after seven years.

But then sometimes the doubt creeps in. Did I do something wrong? We're you mad at me? Was I such a bad friend you felt couldn't come to me when you needed it? Or that I did something so that you wouldn't want to reach out now that things have settled?

Right now, writing this,  I don't know how I feel. Five months haven't changed my ability to process emotions. I think I'm both. I'm not in the middle but I can't decide what side is stronger.  I think primarily I'm hurt.

Five months is a lot of time to think. Ive written this a million times in those five months.  None of them were right.  This one is not either but I'm starting to suspect it never will be. This is also one of the longest attempts.

Please write back. I'd ask you to meet but I do not think you would agree. Not after this long.

Your friend (?),