Oh – did he actually want to know how she was, emotionally? Because Jemima did not think that that answer would be any better than her physical state.
She thought she would have been happy, had that night in December not gone the way it had, if she had still been oblivious. Because Jemima had always wanted that happily ever after, of course she had – and it had always included a husband, and a house, and a happy family of her own.
“I –” Jemima stammered, because once again she felt the pressure of this conversation not only for the present, but for their whole future. This was a bad time for a baby, they could both agree on that. But they had not gone to bed together since before that night, and, frankly, who knew if they ever would again, so – what if this was the only chance at a child she ever had? A child might be nothing to Ford but another burden, yet another source of stress and duty to contend with, but at least they would be something to pour her time and energy and love into. Was this selfish of her to think? If she couldn’t have a husband who loved her, perhaps a son or daughter would be enough to make her feel less alone?
Pathetically, she wished Ford would stand up and hug her, even though she had just asked him to sit. She wrapped her arms over her stomach, though there wasn’t much of a visible bump yet to protect. He would do whatever he had to, he said. “I’m scared,” Jemima admitted. “And I don’t want this to make things harder when we aren’t even –” Happy? Together? On speaking terms? Not that this had been a choice; and although for the last few weeks she had been trying diligently to stay away from him for both of their sakes, he had preferred that she stayed, hadn’t he? – “...but I don’t think I can raise a baby alone.” Maybe she would find that she was capable of it, if they could not repair things enough for this to find a way to work in the long term – but he had already said he would do what he had to, and Jemima didn’t want to raise a child alone.
(She also didn’t much want her child to grow up under the shadow of debts or with a criminal or otherwise deviant father, but Ford had promised to fix things and besides, fixing those problems seemed like rather too much to ask for in an instant. So she would have to settle for a father who hopefully would care a little and wouldn’t outright resent his child, to start.)
But if she didn’t want to do this alone, did that mean she had to somehow forgive him?
She thought she would have been happy, had that night in December not gone the way it had, if she had still been oblivious. Because Jemima had always wanted that happily ever after, of course she had – and it had always included a husband, and a house, and a happy family of her own.
“I –” Jemima stammered, because once again she felt the pressure of this conversation not only for the present, but for their whole future. This was a bad time for a baby, they could both agree on that. But they had not gone to bed together since before that night, and, frankly, who knew if they ever would again, so – what if this was the only chance at a child she ever had? A child might be nothing to Ford but another burden, yet another source of stress and duty to contend with, but at least they would be something to pour her time and energy and love into. Was this selfish of her to think? If she couldn’t have a husband who loved her, perhaps a son or daughter would be enough to make her feel less alone?
Pathetically, she wished Ford would stand up and hug her, even though she had just asked him to sit. She wrapped her arms over her stomach, though there wasn’t much of a visible bump yet to protect. He would do whatever he had to, he said. “I’m scared,” Jemima admitted. “And I don’t want this to make things harder when we aren’t even –” Happy? Together? On speaking terms? Not that this had been a choice; and although for the last few weeks she had been trying diligently to stay away from him for both of their sakes, he had preferred that she stayed, hadn’t he? – “...but I don’t think I can raise a baby alone.” Maybe she would find that she was capable of it, if they could not repair things enough for this to find a way to work in the long term – but he had already said he would do what he had to, and Jemima didn’t want to raise a child alone.
(She also didn’t much want her child to grow up under the shadow of debts or with a criminal or otherwise deviant father, but Ford had promised to fix things and besides, fixing those problems seemed like rather too much to ask for in an instant. So she would have to settle for a father who hopefully would care a little and wouldn’t outright resent his child, to start.)
But if she didn’t want to do this alone, did that mean she had to somehow forgive him?
