Angelica,
You could start with not assuming you know my mind better than I do.
He would not send that. A benefit of having this conversation through letter was that he had time to think through what he said and not let fly something that would make everything worse. He'd sent the last letter in anger, but he wouldn't repeat the mistake. He crumpled the parchment and made himself a drink.
22 January, 1895
Angelica,
It was not a sacrifice I asked for, nor — as I'm sure you realize by now — one that I appreciated. I don't want to abandon faith for certainty. I don't believe that is where healthy relationships grow. I know what you intended; I do not question that. But I need you to make an effort to see things from my perspective if you want to continue this conversation. Consider my experience of the evening: never asked what I wanted, never given a choice, told I ought to thank you for the honor, and accused of cruelty when I refused to take advantage of you. I could never have asked you a question after you took that potion. I would never have forgiven myself for violating you so thoroughly, even if you professed to want it. So consider that and then think how the night felt for me, hearing your most deeply held conviction that I have done nothing to indicate care or affection for you at any point, and being unable to respond in any meaningful way — really think about that and then consider if, in my shoes, you would in a matter of a few short weeks feel comfortable walking into an experience which might echo it.
I do not need a proof of your loyalty or your veracity. I need your respect, but any time I ask for it you take it as a punishment.
There's nothing more to talk about, Angelica. Not when it comes to the relationship. If you want to discuss logistics for our separation, by all means.
E
Lou made this! <3