Samuel felt the cold stone in his back, through the fabric of his shirt. He slid down the wall until he sat on the floor. The fire warmed his face from the side. He stretched his neck by rolling his head from one side to the other. It was like someone had poured a warm viscous liquid under his skin in place of his muscles, which lately tensed relentlessly, no matter what he did. It was too good. He closed his eyes. The very first time after a long break still felt so pure. It was yet devoid of the dirtiness that was inherent to the third, the fourth, the fifth redose; there was no tremor to his hand, no fraying of his nerves. He could breathe again, that's what it felt like.
There was a vague awareness in him that Don Juan watched him. He knew that the man was afraid of him by the tightness around his eyes. Samuel's position at the fireplace had not been wittingly chosen to prevent him from leaving, but that did not mean that something in him had not instinctively employed that strategy. If he really did try to leave, he would not stop him. But did he want him to go, would he feel relieved? He had thought so, but now he was not sure anymore.
Everything in the background became one with the dark. The stone tables and shelves all but vanished from his field of view. Only the man in the armchair was there. The light of the fire gathered on Don Juan's skin and his hair; It felt like they were on a lonely island, or on a stage in an empty theater. What was to be the performance?
He moved one of his hands across his eyes, as if he could wipe something away that prevented him from seeing clearly. Samuel did not know what he wanted with Don Juan. It gave him a strange feeling in his chest to look at him. He did not fully trust himself here. He did not think that he wanted anything bad, or much of anything at all, but could he be certain?
Don Juan seemed to set something off in him. It seemed Samuel was determined to maximize his impact on him, without fully grasping his own motives. It unnerved him.
The five minutes were up. Don Juan stretched in his chair. "Isn't it," he answered him. "It got me off opium when I was stuck on it. Not that it didn't cause its own trouble," he said. But it had gotten him back up walking and working. He had been eventually able to leave Paris and get himself together.
"You will feel quite active in a little while, and more sedate after that. Unless you redose, of course. But you have to be careful with that."
There was a vague awareness in him that Don Juan watched him. He knew that the man was afraid of him by the tightness around his eyes. Samuel's position at the fireplace had not been wittingly chosen to prevent him from leaving, but that did not mean that something in him had not instinctively employed that strategy. If he really did try to leave, he would not stop him. But did he want him to go, would he feel relieved? He had thought so, but now he was not sure anymore.
Everything in the background became one with the dark. The stone tables and shelves all but vanished from his field of view. Only the man in the armchair was there. The light of the fire gathered on Don Juan's skin and his hair; It felt like they were on a lonely island, or on a stage in an empty theater. What was to be the performance?
He moved one of his hands across his eyes, as if he could wipe something away that prevented him from seeing clearly. Samuel did not know what he wanted with Don Juan. It gave him a strange feeling in his chest to look at him. He did not fully trust himself here. He did not think that he wanted anything bad, or much of anything at all, but could he be certain?
Don Juan seemed to set something off in him. It seemed Samuel was determined to maximize his impact on him, without fully grasping his own motives. It unnerved him.
The five minutes were up. Don Juan stretched in his chair. "Isn't it," he answered him. "It got me off opium when I was stuck on it. Not that it didn't cause its own trouble," he said. But it had gotten him back up walking and working. He had been eventually able to leave Paris and get himself together.
"You will feel quite active in a little while, and more sedate after that. Unless you redose, of course. But you have to be careful with that."
