This was going abysmally, as expected and she didn't even know what to do or say to get Elias to understand where she was coming from. He leaned back and it felt like any bridge they had started was crumbling. Daff pulled her hands into her own lap, pressing against the little foot that was trying to dislodge her lungs from their proper place. She'd only felt flutters before, but the actual kicks had been getting stronger in the last week or so. All of this upset probably wasn't helping. Why was everything that was supposed to be exciting about this pregnancy always marred by her mistakes?

"I did, initially." She had been honest about that. She had never lied to him; she said she wouldn't, so it would not happen. "I slipped up a few times, before we were together." She was going to have to spill it all now and let him decide what to do with it. "I thought I could fix it, fix him." Daff had always just wanted everyone around her to be happy. But she couldn't fix Noble's problems, no matter how hard she'd wanted to in the past. It wasn't something she could take care of and he'd known that, even if she'd been hopeful. "It's hard, watching someone you cared about deal with things beyond your control." It was coming out as a tumbled whisper, try as she might to hold back the tears, she could feel them stinging at the corners of her eyes. "He was adamant that I couldn't, so I gave up, that was his choice. You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be helped." Daff knew that now, looking back, there really hadn't been anything she could have done. Noble had made the right choice, even in making them both miserable. "And then there was you, perfectly patient, understanding. You were willing to fix what you didn't break. You were, are, exactly what I need even though I had no idea what it was that I needed myself." Daff wasn't sure how far she would have spiraled downward without Elias there to anchor her. The last thing she wanted was for Elias to think that this changed anything about how she fell in love with him, or why, or that she was in anyway unhappy because of him. It was her own fault, always and she knew she had to figure out how to fix that, and this.

Daff looked across the table at him now, gaze soft and pleading. "I know I messed up, again. I know I'm not easy to love and be married to and I'm sorry. I needed to know why now, why after so long and so much discord. I needed closure, I think. So that's why I went and it went as poorly as expected and I asked him to let me go again and he agreed. It's done, it's over and that is all, I promise." Daff knew Elias did not have an endless well of patience and she had already used up a great deal. She would do better, be better somehow, to make sure he didn't have to.