His quiet laugh helped too, she thought, to feel more at ease; her slight smile didn’t falter yet, not even when he moved his hands down to her sides. She was conscious of it, but it wasn’t at all unpleasant.
And he was giving her a choice she hadn’t been sure she would have. Jemima had supposed it would be his choice, one way or the other – to affirm their marriage ties as was his right, if induced by the weight of expectation and the things people already believed. Or he would have no intention or desire to ever touch her at all, for the rest of their lives; and that had oddly almost felt like the worse option.
But he had given her another open-ended option, and at once she decided this was another reason to like him. He was right: no one would know. They had time. There was a great appeal in it – she might find more reasons to be fond of him, given time. Jemima exhaled. On the other hand, she worried waiting might yet get the better of her. The nerves of today alone had been overwhelming enough, and she had never been much good at stifling anxieties, let alone anxieties of some great looming unknown to come, at some uncertain date. (And how long would he want to wait? Another few days of their honeymoon? Until they were back at the house, with other people around them all the time? A year? Forever?)
So she didn’t pull away from his hands, but shifted in his hold, turning to face him instead just to see how daunting it felt to be this close. She tilted up her chin a fraction; he was a tiny bit taller than Jack. It didn’t feel so daunting now. “I don’t mind,” she offered, just as softly. “It can be tonight.” Maybe it was better just to have it over with so all the pressure was gone – so they wouldn’t be strangers anymore.
And he was giving her a choice she hadn’t been sure she would have. Jemima had supposed it would be his choice, one way or the other – to affirm their marriage ties as was his right, if induced by the weight of expectation and the things people already believed. Or he would have no intention or desire to ever touch her at all, for the rest of their lives; and that had oddly almost felt like the worse option.
But he had given her another open-ended option, and at once she decided this was another reason to like him. He was right: no one would know. They had time. There was a great appeal in it – she might find more reasons to be fond of him, given time. Jemima exhaled. On the other hand, she worried waiting might yet get the better of her. The nerves of today alone had been overwhelming enough, and she had never been much good at stifling anxieties, let alone anxieties of some great looming unknown to come, at some uncertain date. (And how long would he want to wait? Another few days of their honeymoon? Until they were back at the house, with other people around them all the time? A year? Forever?)
So she didn’t pull away from his hands, but shifted in his hold, turning to face him instead just to see how daunting it felt to be this close. She tilted up her chin a fraction; he was a tiny bit taller than Jack. It didn’t feel so daunting now. “I don’t mind,” she offered, just as softly. “It can be tonight.” Maybe it was better just to have it over with so all the pressure was gone – so they wouldn’t be strangers anymore.
