It had to be more than just gratitude, didn’t it? No amount of gratitude went as far as this. Jude swallowed too, just waiting and hoping and praying that he hadn’t got this all soundly wrong.
He exhaled at that first remark, heart sinking a little, because then he had done it again without meaning to – asked too much, pushed him too far. He opened his mouth slightly, about to apologise or take the question back. Because Kieran still didn’t owe him anything, no matter what it was. Jude didn’t have to know. Just this could be enough.
And he felt dizzy with fear and anticipation when Kieran started to answer him anyway, so dizzy he thought he might miss it. But there was no missing that – there was nothing else but that: I’ve loved you the whole time – and he had scarcely felt the relief of it before Kieran added, didn’t you notice?
Jude made a strangled noise in his throat. He was suddenly, impossibly, indignant, and lost for words – maybe angry, even. Because of course he hadn’t, the answer was obviously not, and how was he supposed to have known? That was ridiculous: when had Kieran ever made that clear? He shook his head, casting back through everything... Was he blind? But Jude swore he had been far too obvious about how he felt for years – and hadn’t he been trying to get through to Kieran, over and over again? – and if Kieran had really always felt the same way, why had he never bloody said?
“Are – you – insane,” Jude answered faintly, finally, against the furious racing of his heart. Surely there had been sooner opportunities than this, if that was true. Countless days at the Augurey or mornings at Jude’s flat: there had been weeks and months and years gone to waste and –
Heedless of the fact they were still in the street (although thank Merlin it was late and deserted and dark, and that Kieran lived in the unfortunate kind of area where no one liked to look too closely at passers-by to begin with) – heedless of everything – Jude stepped up to him and, more tenderly, met Kieran’s mouth with his.
He exhaled at that first remark, heart sinking a little, because then he had done it again without meaning to – asked too much, pushed him too far. He opened his mouth slightly, about to apologise or take the question back. Because Kieran still didn’t owe him anything, no matter what it was. Jude didn’t have to know. Just this could be enough.
And he felt dizzy with fear and anticipation when Kieran started to answer him anyway, so dizzy he thought he might miss it. But there was no missing that – there was nothing else but that: I’ve loved you the whole time – and he had scarcely felt the relief of it before Kieran added, didn’t you notice?
Jude made a strangled noise in his throat. He was suddenly, impossibly, indignant, and lost for words – maybe angry, even. Because of course he hadn’t, the answer was obviously not, and how was he supposed to have known? That was ridiculous: when had Kieran ever made that clear? He shook his head, casting back through everything... Was he blind? But Jude swore he had been far too obvious about how he felt for years – and hadn’t he been trying to get through to Kieran, over and over again? – and if Kieran had really always felt the same way, why had he never bloody said?
“Are – you – insane,” Jude answered faintly, finally, against the furious racing of his heart. Surely there had been sooner opportunities than this, if that was true. Countless days at the Augurey or mornings at Jude’s flat: there had been weeks and months and years gone to waste and –
Heedless of the fact they were still in the street (although thank Merlin it was late and deserted and dark, and that Kieran lived in the unfortunate kind of area where no one liked to look too closely at passers-by to begin with) – heedless of everything – Jude stepped up to him and, more tenderly, met Kieran’s mouth with his.
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Daffodil Grimstone, Esteban Zavala, Fortitude Greengrass, Melody Crouch, Philomena Sprout
