You could do anything might almost have been a compliment, in another context – here it was a condemnation, a barely disguised plea.
“Because,” Jude said, and he was ready to fight for this even if his arguments never worked on Kieran, “someone has to do it, and I can’t just keep waiting for someone else to try. It might as well be me.” And he knew he was probably going to fail – he had no grand delusions here – but his stepping up and saying something would at least be a way to steer the debate. If he didn’t, and no one else remotely progressive raised their voice either, there would never be talk of changing anything, and magical Britain would settle for the same slow stagnation.
It wasn’t to say he didn’t have concerns about this, about the press and the publicity, the rumours that might float, the scrutiny that would fall on the people he knew and cared about just as much as it would fall on him. And he knew Kieran was closer to him than most people, maybe anyone, had ever been, and he knew there were secrets they couldn’t afford to let slip.
“I won’t let anything happen –” he broke off, because he couldn’t say to you, and it wasn’t a reasonable promise when things would be beyond his control, but he was determined to keep it true anyway. Jude went quiet. “But – are you asking me not to?”
If Kieran outright asked him not to do it, Jude wouldn’t.
“Because,” Jude said, and he was ready to fight for this even if his arguments never worked on Kieran, “someone has to do it, and I can’t just keep waiting for someone else to try. It might as well be me.” And he knew he was probably going to fail – he had no grand delusions here – but his stepping up and saying something would at least be a way to steer the debate. If he didn’t, and no one else remotely progressive raised their voice either, there would never be talk of changing anything, and magical Britain would settle for the same slow stagnation.
It wasn’t to say he didn’t have concerns about this, about the press and the publicity, the rumours that might float, the scrutiny that would fall on the people he knew and cared about just as much as it would fall on him. And he knew Kieran was closer to him than most people, maybe anyone, had ever been, and he knew there were secrets they couldn’t afford to let slip.
“I won’t let anything happen –” he broke off, because he couldn’t say to you, and it wasn’t a reasonable promise when things would be beyond his control, but he was determined to keep it true anyway. Jude went quiet. “But – are you asking me not to?”
If Kieran outright asked him not to do it, Jude wouldn’t.
