Odessa didn't like being in front of a crowd. She'd hated it during Puddlemere's Quidditch matches, where even though she wasn't the spectacle, she felt as such in her father's private box. She'd hated it when she was taken on a victory broomstick ride once, after a successful match. She wasn't used to attention, at least not the sort where people stopped what they were doing to notice her. Getting people's attention meant that she had to be perfect and then she became painfully aware of all of her flaws.
She wasn't used to wearing long robes, so she barely noticeably tripped on her short way to the stool. This was enough to shoot adrenaline throughout her body. She heard laughter from the tables behind her and then in front of her as she sat down and she was sure that they were laughing at her. She sat up, "confidently", as her governess had taught her, her hands rested upon her lap.
It was comforting when a teacher put the too-big hat on her head.
"What class are you most excited about?"
Her heart started palpitating again when she heard the voice in her head. She knew that the Sorting Hat could read minds but now that she was confronted with the fact, Odessa felt unease about it. Now all of her flaws and her imperfections would be on display. For a moment she worried that others would get access to her questioning and thought process but she told herself that this hadn't been the case with the other kids.
Still, she didn't want to take any chances and speak. She didn't want to give any wrong answers and have the Sorting Hat judge her.
She considered the first question. At first, she couldn't think of any class and that worried her. Then, she thought about how out of all magical principles, she found Potions the most useful. There were potions that could make you prettier, more confident in front of crowds, and luckier. There were potions to make your father interested in you and only you and not his Quidditch team. There were also potions to hurt horrible people, like her governess and her rules and strict punishments-
Scared by the path her mind was about to take, Odessa forced herself to stop that train of thought, hoping that it had outrun the Sorting Hat. Thankfully, the Hat got the message that she didn't want to think about it any longer so another question came up:
"How would you deal with failing a test?"
It knew. It knew about her governess. Odessa was terrified of failure. She wasn't allowed to fail. She got that dreaded feeling in the pit of her stomach every time her governess was about to announce the results of one of their tests. 'You shouldn't be making these types of mistakes by now, Miss Pettigrew...' Odessa knew that if her governess could, she'd say: 'You are vapid, Miss Pettigrew. You're good for nothing.'
Odessa used to cry when she failed at something but then she'd be scolded for crying, so now she tried not to cry. So failing wasn't an option.
"Who is your hero?"
At the next question, her head went blank once again. She didn't have a hero, in the passionate sense of the word. She didn't look up to someone obsessively. She thought of some fascinating personalities she'd read about at the backs of Chocolate Frog Cards. Glover Hipworth who had discovered the cure of the common cold and Gunhilda of Gorsemoor who'd discovered the cure of dragonpox. It was so noble to create something that could help so many people.
The next question was easier, in the sense that an answer immediately came to Odessa: "What would your friends say about you?"
Good things, the girl hoped. There was a part of her that didn't feel like she had any close friends. She had her cousins, but they all had siblings so they had each other before they had her. Then, Odessa often had an uneasy feeling that her friends didn't want her around and that they only hang out with her because she had many toys and a large allowance for Honeyduke's. Odessa herself didn't think she was a very exciting person to be around. She liked reading and writing and that could make her lost in her own thoughts.
"If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?"
My hands, was Odessa's immediate answer. She was convinced that her hands were too big for her arms, that there was something manly about them. Her governess had even told her as much, that she had fingers of unfortunate lengths for music. So, on an immediate and external basis, she'd give herself dainty hands with long, graceful fingers.
Then, she thought more deeply about the answer. She'd like to make herself more interesting to her father. She wished she loved Quidditch more. She was aware that if she was a boy, he might have cared about her more but she didn't like the idea of being a boy. She wished her father would like her as she was, as a girl. She wished her mother was still alive because she would have adored her.
So, nicer hands and not being orphaned by a mother, that was what she'd change about herself.
She wasn't used to wearing long robes, so she barely noticeably tripped on her short way to the stool. This was enough to shoot adrenaline throughout her body. She heard laughter from the tables behind her and then in front of her as she sat down and she was sure that they were laughing at her. She sat up, "confidently", as her governess had taught her, her hands rested upon her lap.
It was comforting when a teacher put the too-big hat on her head.
"What class are you most excited about?"
Her heart started palpitating again when she heard the voice in her head. She knew that the Sorting Hat could read minds but now that she was confronted with the fact, Odessa felt unease about it. Now all of her flaws and her imperfections would be on display. For a moment she worried that others would get access to her questioning and thought process but she told herself that this hadn't been the case with the other kids.
Still, she didn't want to take any chances and speak. She didn't want to give any wrong answers and have the Sorting Hat judge her.
She considered the first question. At first, she couldn't think of any class and that worried her. Then, she thought about how out of all magical principles, she found Potions the most useful. There were potions that could make you prettier, more confident in front of crowds, and luckier. There were potions to make your father interested in you and only you and not his Quidditch team. There were also potions to hurt horrible people, like her governess and her rules and strict punishments-
Scared by the path her mind was about to take, Odessa forced herself to stop that train of thought, hoping that it had outrun the Sorting Hat. Thankfully, the Hat got the message that she didn't want to think about it any longer so another question came up:
"How would you deal with failing a test?"
It knew. It knew about her governess. Odessa was terrified of failure. She wasn't allowed to fail. She got that dreaded feeling in the pit of her stomach every time her governess was about to announce the results of one of their tests. 'You shouldn't be making these types of mistakes by now, Miss Pettigrew...' Odessa knew that if her governess could, she'd say: 'You are vapid, Miss Pettigrew. You're good for nothing.'
Odessa used to cry when she failed at something but then she'd be scolded for crying, so now she tried not to cry. So failing wasn't an option.
"Who is your hero?"
At the next question, her head went blank once again. She didn't have a hero, in the passionate sense of the word. She didn't look up to someone obsessively. She thought of some fascinating personalities she'd read about at the backs of Chocolate Frog Cards. Glover Hipworth who had discovered the cure of the common cold and Gunhilda of Gorsemoor who'd discovered the cure of dragonpox. It was so noble to create something that could help so many people.
The next question was easier, in the sense that an answer immediately came to Odessa: "What would your friends say about you?"
Good things, the girl hoped. There was a part of her that didn't feel like she had any close friends. She had her cousins, but they all had siblings so they had each other before they had her. Then, Odessa often had an uneasy feeling that her friends didn't want her around and that they only hang out with her because she had many toys and a large allowance for Honeyduke's. Odessa herself didn't think she was a very exciting person to be around. She liked reading and writing and that could make her lost in her own thoughts.
"If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?"
My hands, was Odessa's immediate answer. She was convinced that her hands were too big for her arms, that there was something manly about them. Her governess had even told her as much, that she had fingers of unfortunate lengths for music. So, on an immediate and external basis, she'd give herself dainty hands with long, graceful fingers.
Then, she thought more deeply about the answer. She'd like to make herself more interesting to her father. She wished she loved Quidditch more. She was aware that if she was a boy, he might have cared about her more but she didn't like the idea of being a boy. She wished her father would like her as she was, as a girl. She wished her mother was still alive because she would have adored her.
So, nicer hands and not being orphaned by a mother, that was what she'd change about herself.