January 25th, 1895 - Bartonburg

it wasn't the mess that you made
could've left me just the way you found me
but you came and put your wings around me
you went out of your way
to fix what you didn't break

The nightmares had never really left, Sloane had just stopped telling anyone about them. There wasn’t exactly anything she or those around her could really do about it. Most of the time she could breathe through it, could shake herself from the wisps of cold and suffocation long enough to pull out of the fear.

Tonight was different though, she was caught, stuck in the paralyzing fear that she was slipping under again. It felt so juvenile to sneak down the hall to her mother’s room and seek solace there. She was eighteen, an adult. Her brothers wouldn’t understand, they (well maybe not Harry) were all haunted by their own demons.

Sitting in her bed shaking was getting her nowhere, it was getting worse the longer she sat there and thought about it, the longer she dithered about how to get it to stop. Standing on unsteady legs, she didn’t even bother to toss on a dressing gown, or slippers, even with the cold outside. Sloane looked out her window only for a moment before flinging it open and closed behind her, clumsily crossing the branches to Lester’s room sheerly by muscle memory. She hadn’t thought to look to see what time it was, but it must have been the middle of the night, his light was off, but thankfully his window unlocked as she crept in.

This was madness, probably the worst decision she could have made, but she didn’t know what else to do. Her entry must have roused him, but Sloane didn’t wait for an invitation, carefully she climbed over him and crawled beneath the covers, situating herself snugly between him and the wall as if it was the safest place she could find. ”I can’t get it to stop.” She explained, holding her shaking hands between them, tears stinging the corners of her eyes.

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Lester Hatchitt

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   Lester Hatchitt

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Until she spoke, Lester mostly thought that he was dreaming. It would have been a new dream, a spectral Sloane crossing the branches when he was asleep and climbing into his bed, but it made the most sense as a dream. But then she spoke, and the spell was broken, and Lester knew that she was actually here.

He rolled towards her and closed the window. "What's wrong?" Lester asked, because something had to be wrong — Sloane didn't just come in here when he was asleep. He had half an impulse to bunch the sheets as a barrier between them, lest he be embarrassed in the morning, but in this moment her clear upset was more important.

  

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set by Fallin!

"I had a nightmare," she whispered, barely audible. He was close enough to hear though, and it crossed her mind that she had crossed a line, but she couldn't think right now. "I can usually handle them," she went on, hands still shaking though her limbs had started to warm up a little. "But I feel like I'm drowning and I can't reach the surface. It's dark and suffocating and I can't get out of it." The more she talked about it the further she felt herself getting pulled under again.

Sloane looked at him helplessly, but she couldn't really see him. It was more  like she saw past him into the dark waters of the lake; the kelp and the creatures around the edges; the lightning flashing overhead. Her head ached and she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyebrows as if it would help but she just felt herself slipping further and further down.

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A nightmare. Lester was embarrassed to have her here when he was in his nightclothes — he did not wear a shirt when he slept — but the distress in her whisper and the way she pressed her hands to her face took precedent over his shame. He reached the nightstand to grab his wand. "Lumos," Lester said, lighting his room with white light.

"How can I help?" he whispered to her.

  

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set by Fallin!

The light caused her to flinch and though she could focus a little better she shook her head at it. Somebody might notice if there was a light on in his room at this time of night and she didn't want to be found here. "I don't know, Lester, I don't." If she'd known how to handle this she wouldn't be here right now. Her tone was a little miserable, anguished almost.

Her hands flattened out against her cheeks, still trembling throughout her entire body. Subconsciously she leaned into him, needing the grounding nature of  the contact, the warmth of something, someone to pull her back from the depths of her memories. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." This was a gross breach of their friendship, she'd crossed a line and she knew it, but she didn't know what else she could possibly do.

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She didn't know what to do, and neither did Lester. Having her here at all felt like a betrayal of Sisse, but he didn't know how to explain as much to either of them. He froze, wand still in hand, and then set it down on the blanket and wrapped one arm around Sloane's shoulders. The light of his wand sputtered out.

"It's alright," Lester said, like he was comforting a patient's family member just after they'd lost someone. "You're going to be alright."

  

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set by Fallin!

"Tell me something good," she pleaded, pressing further against him, knowing this was a lot to ask. She'd have to figure out a way to make it up to him another time. The comforting weight of his arm was already helping and Sloane tried to take deep, steadying breaths, but she needed a distraction. If she kept thinking about this, she was going to sink under the water again and she couldn't do that. "A work story, anything." Anything to get her mind off the cold and the shortness of breath.

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Did he have a good story for her? Lester thought about it, and after a beat, started talking. "Do you remember Miss Hunter? She was my year, but a Hufflepuff," Lester said. He didn't wait for her to answer, just plowing ahead, whispering into the darkness of his room. "We worked together on a case recently. She's in Potion & Plant Poisoning, and had a debutante, who'd managed to make her nose massive and ate a bad herb to counteract it."

It wasn't his best work story, but it wasn't morbid, and he was hoping to make Sloane laugh with the story of someone being silly and experiencing silly consequences. That seemed like the best way to counteract the fear that had chased her here.

  

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set by Fallin!

Sloane was trying to focus more on his voice than what he was saying. The soothing sort of cadence to his words washed over her with enough meaning to slow the shaking in her hands and she felt her body relax a little bit more. If she'd been feeling more herself, she would have asked if it had been something like what she could do with her own features, but she didn't have enough control of herself at the moment to try and change anything about her appearance. Normally she would have laughed at the image, but now she couldn't even muster up a chuckle, body and mind too tired.

"Can I stay here?" She mumbled into the minimal space between them. It was a big ask, more than she really had any right to ask of him, but she couldn't imagine going back to her room tonight to try and go back to sleep.

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