"That's bullshit and you know it! Her gaze flickered between their unyielding expressions, hot, angry tears springing to the corners of her eyes. "You don't get it. I had a different room, a different bed, clothes, my hair was a different color! I had people who honestly cared about me, I was in love!" Sloane wasn't so naive to think that her feelings for Mr. Ashford were anything trivial. He had been kind and understanding, patient and sweet and she liked that about him. That situation felt a whole hell of a lot easier than this one.

"I liked that life and I'm not saying it's better, but right about now it was far easier. That is what you cannot seem to grasp. I am trying to blend the two together, whether you like it or not. Sadie Sinclair is part of who I am and I need to reconcile that and who I am now and I still need to figure that out." She hated that those feelings were the truth, but she had no idea what else she could possibly say to get them to see where she was coming from.

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Alvin knew from the tone of her voice that they'd struck a nerve and half of him felt guilty for it. It was his turn to flinch a little as she spat out details of the other life she'd led. Details he'd been trying to ignore. Mr. Ashby didn't seem to be going away and it irked Alvin. Rubbed him the wrong way. She had some attachment to that life and now he knew why. He ran another frustrated hand over his face, but he knew better than to have another go at her. He'd said what he meant to and it hadn't helped, had probably only made things worse. He just hoped Rufus left it alone now.

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"It's not - " bullshit, Rufus started to interject but Sloane's words came out a tirade that slammed into him. People that honestly cared about her? Didn't they, her family, care about her? And she had been in love? Bloody hell. Rufus's hand ran through his hair, spiking it in every direction.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself, working his tone until it was even, until he no longer was tempted to shout. "No, I don't get it Sloane. But I'm trying to help. To figure it out you have to at least try to spend time with Ma and the family." He was tempted to cut his eyes away to Alvin, but instead he kept his gaze on Sloane. "You can be whoever you want to be. Just don't avoid something because it's hard." His voice fell, reminded of watching Alvin when he returned from America, of Wally arguing with him from a wheelchair in the garden, of Tuni when he thought he'd lost her. He couldn't bare to let those he loved feel hurt, not to help mend them. He killed him to watch his siblings give up, to take the easy path, to avoid life. He wasn't willing to let Sloane, his only sister, the baby of them all, the one he was supposed to protect as he did his own children, make such a huge colossal mistake as giving up, giving in, and not coming to reality with not only the Sadie side of her life but also the Sloane side.

  

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BEE-utiful set!

"That is rich coming from you two." Rufus, who basically up and left them when he got married and Alvin, who was still pouting about a myriad of things Sloane didn't even know half of. "You are not helping, not one little bit." Sloane tipped her chin up, her old familiar stubbornness rearing up "I am figuring this out the best that I can, in a way that I can survive, Rufus. You do not get any say in it." He didn't live here anymore and she was old enough to be considered an adult. He could be fussy and Alvin could be moody and they could both have their opinions, but she was not going to stand here and have them gang up on her when they weren't even trying to see where she was coming from.

"I will endeavor to spend more time with Ma, for her sake, but the two of you can leave me alone." Brothers, ugh. With that she turned on her heel and sprinted up the stairs to her room.

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Rufus's eyes widened. When had he ever given up? He'd fucked up and then owned his own mistakes. He'd married Tuni and he had left the house to make right that wrong. When he'd known he couldn't support her he'd given up his career with Puddlemere and switched teams. But Sloane acted as if this had been his running away instead of facing the problem. But she didn't give him a chance to anything else before she tore out of the room. Merlin. The last time they'd had a fight like this she'd hardly talked to him for over a year.

The fight went out of his body as he flopped down on the couch, his hand running across his face as he admitted a defeated sigh. "Bloody hell." He pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes as if the pressure could distract him from the mess that had just happened.

  

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BEE-utiful set!

It was moments like this that Alvin almost regretted quitting drinking. He could really go for a measure of whiskey right about now. Anything that could burn the bile churning in his gut.

His motions mirrored his brother's, though he sat more gingerly on the wooden chair before the desk where he'd originally started. He had always been so good at keeping his emotions in check, or at least to himself, over the last couple of years, but one slip and he'd thrown them off whatever careful balance they'd managed to establish. Worse yet, he'd added to Rufus' stress.

"That was my fault. I'll talk to her once she's cooled down." Alvin was not so hypocritical to see that he was also guilty of what he'd accused her of and not so stubborn as to think he shouldn't apologize. Living here with her meant she was sort of stuck with him anyway, she'd have to bend at some point.

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"No, it needed to be said." Rufus sighed, looking at his brother. "I just wish she could see we're only trying to help." Merlin he wished she could. But the scene that had just played out before him had only served to show him how fractured they had become.

"I just can't watch her give up. Rufus admitted, his voice raw as he dropped his gaze down to the floor, unable to look at Alvin, to admit to the words that hung between them. He couldn't go through it again, not after seeing Alvin, and Wally, and Ma all do just that. It felt like a spike in his heart and he wished so fiercely that Sloane could see it from their point of view the way he and Alvin were striving to see it from her's.

  

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BEE-utiful set!

Alvin could only shrug; after that he wasn't so sure Sloane wanted their help, just their patience. That had become increasingly clear during the argument. "I think she'll figure it out." He hoped so anyway. "It's really weird though." He still couldn't quite wrap his head around her at the moment, but he also had other things going on and could admit he was distracted himself. Maybe that was how she wanted it. "She's right though, there is no manual for this." He said, echoing Sloane's words from a few moments ago.

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"She will." Rufus agreed more to convince himself than in true belief of the statement. He could only hope Sloane would figure it out, but what damage would it do the rest of them while she did? Had it been the Sloane they had lost he knew she would have figured it out. But this one was so different, she had changed so much, and he found himself wondering if that meant she had changed too much to figure it out the way she once would have.

"There isn't. But then again in life what does come with a manual?" They were all just trying their best, trying to live and learn as they went. That didn't give them the right to hurt people as they went though.

  

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BEE-utiful set!

Rufus didn't sound convinced, but Alvin could understand why. He didn't feel like Sloane was trying to be difficult on purpose; the situation was difficult and they were just trying to wade their way through the mud as best they could. "I doubt it would make it any easier even if it did, the expectations would be too high." Maybe their expectations were too high now. Maybe he should do a better job of mitigating the situation between mother and daughter. He wouldn't be home as much, but when he was, he could try and keep their mother occupied so she wasn't worrying about Sloane so much.

"I'll keep an eye on it." It was the best he could promise given the circumstances. Hashing it out, though he felt guilty, almost made him feel better at the same time. That was a normal Sloane thing to do; spit fire and stand up for herself, so at least there was that.

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